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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL tattoo

165 replies

charley3005 · 06/02/2017 21:57

Basically my SIL has met my DD for the first time today as have the rest of DP family due to us living far from them! SIL decided today to announce she is getting a tattoo of my daughters name and something to represent her! AIBU to be really annoyed at this without even being asked?

OP posts:
BofAlorsStance · 07/02/2017 07:30

It would only be annoying if she was having something done that was identical to yours. If not, or you yourself are not even a tats type of person, then you are overreacting. It's really quite sweet. You can also grab her for free babysitting. just me then
A decent auntie is fab. Unless you are Envy that one day your little one will be in awe of said tattoo. But as soon as they are a teen they'll just be Confused and Hmm anyway.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 07/02/2017 07:36

That's really strange - not normal

NavyandWhite · 07/02/2017 07:45

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CondensedMilkSarnies · 07/02/2017 08:01

I think there's more to this than just the tattoo. I'd be happy if my BIL had my DD name tattoo'd on him but that's because I like him. Sounds like the Op doesn't like her sil .

Spring2016 · 07/02/2017 08:06

I tried to think of a way to convince her not to...maybe I got a bit carried away.Grin

cheeseandpineapple · 07/02/2017 08:22

Agree with Navy, more info needed. But ultimately it's sweet that your daughter has the immediate love and affection of her extended family.

If your sister in law goes ahead with her announcement, please don't transfer your resentment to your daughter and taint the gesture. In the absence of a backstory regarding your sister in law and how she's interacted with you, celebrate how much your daughter is obviously loved and cherished.

My brother is named as guardian of my children if anything happens to me and my husband. Whilst I would be surprised if he chose to get tattoos of my children's names (as he doesn't have his own children's names as tattoos), I know how much his immediate and wider family mean to him and my children know it too. It's reassuring for them to be part of an extended, loving family. Even though we live quite far away from each other, we all love getting together and feel very connected despite the distance.

Depending on the circumstances, the announcement may seem a bit alien and odd but hope you can see the wood for the trees and what the gesture symbolises if your sister in law does go through with it.

Stormwhale · 07/02/2017 08:33

I could understand my bil doing it as he has a very close relationship with my dd. In the op's case though, I would find it fucking weird. The op can't control what the sil does with her own body though.

whyIsARavenLikeAWritingDesk · 07/02/2017 08:41

Ok so on reflection I do think this is a lovely idea and DD has pull probably love it when she's older! There was just so much going on yesterday my head was all over, just think it would have been nice to have been consulted over it(not ask permission for those of you who think that's what I meant) just out of courtesy!

BarbarianMum · 07/02/2017 08:50

Just because you give birth to someone doesn't mean you own them. You can control your dd' s relationships with other people for now but eventually she will make her own decisions and so will they. Better unclench and get used to the idea. There really are no love laws.

BarbarianMum · 07/02/2017 08:51

Oh sorry OP I hadn't realised the last poster was you in disguise.

NavyandWhite · 07/02/2017 09:00

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NavyandWhite · 07/02/2017 09:00

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Celaena · 07/02/2017 09:01

If she's your dps brother/sister that's not so weird - your siblings children are very important to you (well mine are). My dps dB children are important to me, but not quite as much (if that makes sense?)
(And as for the analogy of getting one of your friends dc names tattooed or some bloke you just met, that doesn't fit at all)

Maybe she's always wanted a tattoo and now has some idea of what she wants?

I wouldn't be worried about it

NavyandWhite · 07/02/2017 09:02

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WorraLiberty · 07/02/2017 10:08

The control freakery on this thread is pretty breathtaking tbh.

You could tell her it is very strange behavior, and you do not approve, and are against it, and ask her not to do it. Then if she chooses to do it against your wishes, to enjoy her memory of meeting her because it will be the last time, she will not be a part of your daughters life, no contact at all with her, and no cards or gifts will be accepted.

Talk about using a newborn baby as a bloody weapon to get your own way.

NavyandWhite · 07/02/2017 10:13

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ItsAFluffy · 07/02/2017 10:18

Why would it bother you? I don't understand.

HeyRoly · 07/02/2017 10:24

I agree with Atrocious. There's something very, very intimate about branding someone's name on your skin for life. To do that for a child you've met only once is pretty batshit.

It's also tacky as fuck and I'd be annoyed that my child's name was involved in something so crass. And I'm not anti tattoos in the slightest - just name tattoos Grin

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler · 07/02/2017 10:27

Yabu. Your SIL can get whatever tattoo she likes. I think it's sweet and would be honoured if any of my siblings chose to get my DCs names tattooed.

One of the tattoos I am saving up for is stars to represent my dc and my nieces and nephews. 1 star per child. Because I love them all and they are an important part of my life. If my brothers/sisters/their partners don't like it... tough. It's my body.

NavyandWhite · 07/02/2017 10:40

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HeyRoly · 07/02/2017 10:43

I still think it's weird to tattoo any name other than your own child. Any other child isn't yours and so why would you want their name on your skin for life? There are plenty of more meaningful ways to demonstrate your love for them.

WorraLiberty · 07/02/2017 10:44

And in this day and age, actually meeting the 8 week old for the first time is probably pretty irrelevant.

What with E.mail, Whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram, Skype etc

There's every chance she's seen more of the baby at this point, than anyone would ever had before the internet.

Werkzallhourz · 07/02/2017 10:45

I would feel extremely uncomfortable about this, op. To the point where if my sil did it, I would serious consider changing my child's name.

To me, it assumes a relationship that does not yet exist between niece and aunt, and is possibly unlikely to considering she lives far away. It's also very intimate.

But moreover, I've known several situations where tattoos of children's names or faces on family members have caused enormous upset. The worst scenario was where the baby in question sadly died and the mother just could not cope with her mil having the child's name on her arm where she could see it: made more complicated by the fact the tattoo made the mother feel that the mil had somehow taken ownership of the memory of the baby through the tattoo.

And then, of course, it became even more problematic because of the emotional meaning if the mil had the name lasered off.

I've also known awkward situations where couples have split and started new families, and someone has one child's name tattooed but doesn't do the others.

It's just asking to open a can of worms later down the line. Life is difficult enough without doing something that has the capacity to blow up.

I know it's the aunt's body and she can do what she likes. But sometimes, it's the meaning and intention behind an action that gives pause, not the action itself.

WorraLiberty · 07/02/2017 10:46

HeyRoly, why do you think tattooing your child's name on your body is not weird, but tattooing your niece's name is? Confused

Personally I think all name tattoos are weird, but one is no weirder than the other here.

NavyandWhite · 07/02/2017 10:47

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