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AIBU?

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Original poster

SIL tattoo

165 replies

charley3005 · 06/02/2017 21:57

Basically my SIL has met my DD for the first time today as have the rest of DP family due to us living far from them! SIL decided today to announce she is getting a tattoo of my daughters name and something to represent her! AIBU to be really annoyed at this without even being asked?

OP posts:
AmberNectarine · 07/02/2017 01:10

Of course I loved them instantly, they were my brother's children, but that bond has intensified over the years. I just think it's distasteful and presumptuous to get their name inscribed on your body. They may well grow up to think you're a total bellend!

GreatScot8 · 07/02/2017 01:20

Amber How do you feel about naming a child after a family member? The same could hold true, correct? The child may grow up to think their namesake is a total bellend.

That's done all the time though.

nooka · 07/02/2017 01:23

Not sure how I'd feel if one of my aunts had my name tattooed on them. A bit weird I think, especially the one that I'm only related to by marriage and don't really know at all. If she had all of her nieces and nephews tattooed on her I guess I'd just think she was a bit odd (would take up a fair bit of room too) but if it was just me that would be a bit creepy.

TheDowagerCuntess · 07/02/2017 01:39

But it's not by marriage.

nooka · 07/02/2017 01:43

It could be. The OP just says that her DP's family has visited and the SIL was one of the party. She could be the wife or partner of one of the DP's brothers. Or his sister. Both would be SILs to the OP (technically not 'IL' anyway).

SquatBetty · 07/02/2017 01:44

Really, really peculiar behaviour if you ask me but unfortunately you can't dictate what she has tattooed on herself.

AmberNectarine · 07/02/2017 01:55

I guess... but it's easier to disassociate in that instance, as names are not unique to anyone and they weren't the choice of the child. My DH has his father's first name and middle name reversed as his forenames. He was an abusive, violent alcoholic who rendered his children homeless by pretending to go to work and subsequently defaulting on the mortgage. However, my DH doesn't associate his names with his father because they are not unique to him and DH didn't chose them, any more than I, named after a dog(!), think of a Great Dane every time I type/say my name. Whether my mum sees that dog every time she looks at me, I cannot say! If she does, she hasn't let on.

However, a tattoo will need to be explained to anyone who sees it for the rest of your life, and I think it's much harder to disassociate when you have made that conscious choice to ink a name on your skin in tribute to someone.

I have a star tattoo on my back which I had done with a very good friend who has the same. I find it impossible to see that tattoo and not think of him, even though his name doesn't feature.

TheDowagerCuntess · 07/02/2017 01:57

I honestly just don't get why it's a big deal.

Name tattoo = really grim, and any objection I had would be in that basis (though never voiced).

What someone else wants to tattoo on their body is absolutely none of my business. Besides, my DC have relationships with loads of people other than just me and DH...?

Italiangreyhound · 07/02/2017 02:02

YANBU it is weird and especially weird as she has only just met her!

I've not read the whole thread. Is she likely to listen if you say that you are not comfortable with this?

If she is likely to dig in and demand it more, I would go down the route of saying 'oh well if I were having dd's name I would be tempted to have it in Chinese or Arabic or something and encourage her to have it in a different language. That way most people would not know what it meant but she and you would. So special for her.

Italiangreyhound · 07/02/2017 02:09

It's inappropriate to me because it seems false.

To me, it is claiming more of a connection than is really there. This is not her child, it is her niece.

If the two were sisters and one had struggled to conceive and the other had been routing for her to get that baby and the baby arrived and sister said I am going to get the name tattooed to celebrate this birth, then I would maybe understand a bit more.

It just seems like the sister-in-law is making it more about her! Kind of look how much I love this new baby, I am getting her name tattooed on my skin!

"my daughters name and something to represent her", so two tattoos, and what is going to represent her?

Spring2016 · 07/02/2017 02:35

What does her spouse say? You could tell her it is very strange behavior, and you do not approve, and are against it, and ask her not to do it. Then if she chooses to do it against your wishes, to enjoy her memory of meeting her because it will be the last time, she will not be a part of your daughters life, no contact at all with her, and no cards or gifts will be accepted.

HenriettaH · 07/02/2017 02:51

I think its her body and she can put whatever she likes on it. If someone loves tattoos they will often tattoo family names all over. It may not be something you would do, but you shouldnt judge what she wants to do. She could tattoo " My SIL is a real bitch" on herself and you couldnt do anything about that either. Lighten up.

HenriettaH · 07/02/2017 02:52

Spring 2016..Are you serious? She cant see a niece because of a tattoo, holy smokes. What is it with control around here.

Peanutandphoenix · 07/02/2017 02:53

I have a tattoo for my niece and an autism tattoo for my nephew but I am extremely close to both of them and see them both every day my sister didn't think it was weird of me and my niece loves the tattoo that I have for her and she's knows it's for her as well.

Italiangreyhound · 07/02/2017 02:57

Peanutandphoenix
"I have a tattoo for my niece and an autism tattoo for my nephew but I am extremely close to both of them and see them both every day my sister didn't think it was weird of me and my niece loves the tattoo that I have for her and she's knows it's for her as well."

That's lovely. I think that is clear you feel a lot for your niece and nephew. I think the OP's situation seems strange as her SIL only just met the child and it doesn't sound like her and her sil, or her dh and his sister are necessarily close. I think closeness means a lot. But your situation is quite different to what the OP describes.

Spring2016 I think that is OTT.

charlestonchaplin · 07/02/2017 03:07

This could be a woman who isn't likely to have children of her own and sees this child as the closest thing, or young woman who doesn't see herself having children for a long time, is excited (first-time aunt perhaps) and happens to like tattoos.

Italiangreyhound · 07/02/2017 03:12

charlestonchaplin maybe so but wouldn't it be better to say, "I'm thinking of having dn's name tattooed on me, what do you think SIL?

I think this is insensitive because it is a new baby and everything is loaded with meaning when you have a new baby.

charlestonchaplin · 07/02/2017 03:38

I don't think she needs permission from anyone else to modify her body. It is something she wants to do for herself, so no-one else really needs to be involved. The only reason to mention it is to avoid later accusations that she has hidden her intentions which must mean she has done something she knows to be wrong.

It is sad that so many parents so jealously guard their children from the love and affection of others. Children love their parents, even the bad, neglectful and ineffectual ones. No-one else can realistically usurp that position or even come close. But there is just this constant assertion of 'ownership' of the child on Mumsnet by many mothers, and I do mean mothers.

It is just an expression of her love and affection for her niece, which can occur pretty quickly. Do we now need permission to love others? The sad truth is that the answer according to much of Mumsnet when a child is concerned is probably 'yes'.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 07/02/2017 03:48

To me, it is claiming more of a connection than is really there

I agree with this statement
It would make me feel uncomfortable, it feels over familiar

TheDowagerCuntess · 07/02/2017 04:18

Couldn't agree with you more, Charleston.

CaoNiMa · 07/02/2017 07:06

One of my aunts had my four brothers' names tattooed down her arm "in Aramaic" Hmm. The general concensus was that it was a slightly odd thing to have done. (She also had a full-length portrait of Christ down her other arm, but that's a different matter...)

NavyandWhite · 07/02/2017 07:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FannyDeFuzz · 07/02/2017 07:18

Weirdly, getting the name seems too much to me. But getting a symbol, such as a PP said, seems OK

My best friend's heavily tattooed dad was ALWAYS banging on at us to never, ever get someone else's name on your body though

NavyandWhite · 07/02/2017 07:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icy121 · 07/02/2017 07:23

It is sad that so many parents so jealously guard their children from the love and affection of others

This. "My baby, my cuddles" was the upshot of a thread a few weeks ago. Loads of contributors piling in "your baby your rules hun" It's just the insecurities of the parents being projected out.... they fuck you up, your mum and dad, as Larkin said!

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