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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL tattoo

165 replies

charley3005 · 06/02/2017 21:57

Basically my SIL has met my DD for the first time today as have the rest of DP family due to us living far from them! SIL decided today to announce she is getting a tattoo of my daughters name and something to represent her! AIBU to be really annoyed at this without even being asked?

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 06/02/2017 23:26

I'd question it and I wouldn't want a representation of my child on someone else's body. I didn't like it when my SIL changed her Facebook profile picture to one of my son

Why ever not?

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/02/2017 23:28

Cheerfully the OP isn't comfortable and hardly ever sees the SIL which suggests they don't really know each other.

Check out the Stately Homes threads if you are wondering whether 'Family' should hold sway over every other consideration.

CheerfullyIndifferent · 06/02/2017 23:43

We're obviously never going to agree on this, Atrocious so I think it's best to leave it Grin

I did read the stately homes thread when it started and found it immensely sad. It's up to the OP to put boundaries though if she thinks those are being crossed. To me it just came across that she was annoyed not to be asked, really. For all we know, she could have said yes if SIL asked nicely.

Wdigin2this · 06/02/2017 23:44

It's a bit odd, but then I think lots of tattoos are just plain daft. I suppose, if she wants it done, you can't stop her, but you could say....quite reasonably, that personally you'd rather she didn't!

Joanna0685 · 06/02/2017 23:47

Maybe she can't have children or just is into tattoos.

AddToBasket · 06/02/2017 23:50

A colleague has her niece's name and date of birth tattooed at the base of her neck. I have no doubt she'll get all family children tattooed. She isn't heavily tattooed, she's just carrying around memorabilia.

YABU and a bit pearl clutchy. Why do you actually mind? Can't really see what the problem is.

AddToBasket · 06/02/2017 23:50

And don't tell her not to - her body, her choice.

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/02/2017 23:56

Ok Cheerfully Grin

BoomBoomsCousin · 06/02/2017 23:57

It's not something I would do, and I would think it a bit odd, but I wouldn't expect to be consulted. You really don't have any say over what someone else puts on their body. If she'd decided to make a big collage of your daughter's name and stick it on her wall would you expect her to ask your permission? Have you asked permission of every individual you've ever had, say, a photo of in your house before you put them on display? You think it's weird and she, I assume, thinks it's a lovely gesture celebrating familial bonds and the miracle of life. That's just different norms. You aren't actually affected at all by her having this tattoo are you? Why not just take it in the way it's intended?

steff13 · 06/02/2017 23:58

If the kid is 8 weeks old as had been suggested, it's a little bit disingenuous to emphasize that she JUST MET the niece. The kid has only been around a couple of months. It's not like she's in high school and the aunt hasn't shown any interest in her for 15 years. Maybe the aunt loves her and that's how she wants to celebrate her.

I don't think it's weird at all, but even if you do, you can't do anything about it, so you may as well let it go. Making it an issue is only going to cause animosity and hurt feelings. It's not really worth all that.

pictish · 06/02/2017 23:59

If this is real (and I can't quite believe it is) then yadnbu - that is very fucking inappropriately over familiar and intense of her. I'd be extremely uncomfortable with this. Sil barely knows your daughter. It is nor ok.

Those saying yabu are being weird too. Pay no heed...it's a madness that occurs here from time to time...the upholding of total insanity as a reasonable thing.

Personally, I'd tell her that I don't want her to do it. I would fear my daughter feeling indebted or obliged to her in some way or simply just skin crawly and weirded out, as a result of the tattoo.
I couldn't not voice my objection. Firmly.

steff13 · 07/02/2017 00:00

She's 8 weeks old - everyone barely knows her.

gallicgirl · 07/02/2017 00:05

Tell her you're planning on having ten children, so suggest she places the tattoo judicially to ensure she can fit on the other nine children as they arrive.
Then tell her you already have names in mind and they all have 3 long middle names.

I'll start you off with Elizabeth, Josephine, Alexander and Christopher.

Grin
pictish · 07/02/2017 00:07

Just seen that she's eight weeks but I still feel the same. Icky.
It's too much too soon and too-much-too-soon people are always high drama.

She'll probably not get the tattoo anyway. She's maybe just full of nonsense. Sounds it.

TheDowagerCuntess · 07/02/2017 00:14

It is weird, there's no denying that - getting tattoos of people's names is bonkers - but I would never expect the SIL to ask permission! How crazy - and I don't understand why this would bother people so much. It's just a name. Confused

And just because the OP may not be close to the SIL, her DP may close to his sister.

This isn't even really about the OP all that much. It's about the DP, his sister and their relationship with the daughter/niece.

nooka · 07/02/2017 00:21

A SIL could be the DP's brother's partner/wife she's not necessarily blood related to the baby. It does seem a bit strange to me and I'd not be very comfortable. If it was just one of a collection of family tattoos then I'd feel differently to it being the first though, and the location probably matters too.

AmberNectarine · 07/02/2017 00:22

I can't believe so many people think this is OK!

Imagine if you met a guy, decided you adored him and had his name tattooed on your body that same day.

Would you not think that was insane a questionable decision?

Tattoo in haste, repent at leisure.

steff13 · 07/02/2017 00:27

Imagine if you met a guy, decided you adored him and had his name tattooed on your body that same day.

That would be insane. It's also not really an apt comparison.

Nanny0gg · 07/02/2017 00:28

Imagine if you met a guy, decided you adored him and had his name tattooed on your body that same day

How is some random bloke the equivalent to your niece?

SpackenDeDoich · 07/02/2017 00:28

Are you talking about your brothers wife?
It's her body.

AmberNectarine · 07/02/2017 00:31

Yes, I appreciate there is a blood tie, but FFS, how can you be that invested in a child who is not your own after one encounter?

I have nephews and a niece who I love dearly but it's a love that grows over time.

AmberNectarine · 07/02/2017 00:33

Also, arguably random bloke might end as your husband/father of your children one day. But you wouldn't get his name tattooed on day one!

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/02/2017 00:40

Random bloke might end up as your husband, but he might not. Niece is always going to be your niece.

AmberNectarine · 07/02/2017 00:43

Does everyone always end up with a really strong relationship with their niece?

GreatScot8 · 07/02/2017 00:45

I have nephews and a niece who I love dearly but it's a love that grows over time.

Perhaps for you, but plenty of people love their nieces and nephews instantly. Confused

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