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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think double barrel surnames all sound stupid and there's just no need for it?

476 replies

ExpectoPatronummmm · 05/02/2017 11:31

I realise I will offend all you double barrellers
But why?
Do you realise it's a mouthful and makes you look like you're trying to be some kind of lord or lady?
What's wrong with one surname?
When I marry my OH i'lol take his surname. I won't just add it to mine and cause an unnecessarly long name to have to say/write/spell.

I think they make you look like a pleb.

OP posts:
deadringer · 05/02/2017 12:50

I hate them too. I understand the reasoning behind them but i have never heard one that didn't sound awful imo. I am sorry i didnt keep my maiden name though, i intended to but my job, the tax office and everyone i know just started using my married name and it seemed too much hassle to do anything about it. That was years ago though. I would be more assertive now.

DorkusDelonghi · 05/02/2017 12:52

Why we scarcely even know anyone with a single surname.

😂 Wheredidallthejaffacakesgo good one

AnUtterIdiot · 05/02/2017 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JassyRadlett · 05/02/2017 12:52

OP has long since scuttled back under her 1950s bridge.

sashh · 05/02/2017 12:55

people giving their children the dads surname when they aren't even married I can't even get my head around.

One of my friends did it because her name made her an object of fun at school - nothing to do with low self esteem, all to do with picking the best name.

I was in VI form with someone who double barreled, he wanted to keep his dead father's surname but also wanted to acknowledge his step father's oll in him growing up - seemed a nice gesture to me.

schokolade · 05/02/2017 12:56

That's right barinatxe. I have met sooo many people with 100 names...

Gwenhwyfar · 05/02/2017 12:57

"What happens if they decide to do the same thing when they have kids?"

That's their decision isn't it. One option is for girls to carry on their mothers' name and boys their fathers' or that they choose which one to carry on to the next generation.

Bythebeach · 05/02/2017 12:57

Well my rationale was that DS1 had my name so I didn't want to lose that connection with him but I did want to feel connected with DH. No chance of being mistaken for a pretentious wannabe aristocrat as it's an obvious English-Asian pairing! It is cumbersome and depending on situation will sometimes just use DH's surname and sometimes just mine (eg at school) but it was the best solution for me and my family.

dotdotdotmustdash · 05/02/2017 12:58

My DC have double-barrelled surnames which reflect the fact that they're mixed race. I think it was absolutely the best thing to do and it's never caused any problems, other than that the non-British name has to be spelled out to people.

originalmavis · 05/02/2017 12:58

Who gives a rats? This hurts people how?

Talk75 · 05/02/2017 12:58

My maiden name is double barrelled - not because I'm some posh twat but because my dad was orphaned as a baby and then adopted when he was 7 years old. (He spent 7 years in an orphanage run by nuns). When he turned 18 (over 60 years ago) he changed his name to a double barrelled name (birth name + adopted name) to remember his birth mother and also to move on with his adopted family..and I'm sure he's not the only one.

It's not always as it seems...maybe think twice before you judge others..

Astoria7974 · 05/02/2017 12:59

my name is double-barrelled. I could give a fuck what you think tbh.

CaoNiMa · 05/02/2017 12:59

Remember in Adrian Mole when Mrs Fossington-Gore became Mrs Fossington-Gore-Lambert! Pleb.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 05/02/2017 13:03

The only person who comes across as pleb is you OP.
My DD has two surnames - her DF's surname (easily to spell, she might want to use it in the future) and mine (not easy to spell) because I care for her 99,5% of the time and don't want any problems at the airports. We have different passports so I wanted to make sure it's clear she's my daughter.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 05/02/2017 13:03

Who gives a rats? This hurts people how?

If posters only started threads about deep and meaningfuls with the potential to cause "hurt", MN forums would not exist. 😐

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 05/02/2017 13:04

And it makes you sound like a judgemental person OP. My circs, not that I need to justify it to you, but to suggest circumstances for the hard of thinking you... When I divorced my abusive arse of an XH, I jettisoned his name as soon as I could, and reverted to my maiden name. This left teenage DD with his name, and mine a different one. She deed-polled her name to have my maiden name at the end, so we still had a name-link. Plebby? Nah. that's just your attitude...

allthecheese · 05/02/2017 13:04

I have an epic double barralled surname. Totally my choice - I didn't want to lose my surname on marriage but also didn't want to annoy my inlaws.

I love it! And more importantly, I give zero shits about what other people think about it.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 05/02/2017 13:05

And I really hope OP that you are never in this position, and your OH turns out like mine, leaving you in this situation. It might make you think a bit more, before you start a spectacularly goady OP.

AuldHeathen · 05/02/2017 13:05

You do all realise the bank never checks up on your mother's maiden name?Grin You can give any memorable name, as long as you can recall which it is. I advised my DC against using my name as I still use it and it would be easy for fraudsters to find out. And for some things I have used my MIL's maiden name as it's much more distant. As for doubled names sounding 'stupid', people can think what they like. Yes, some doubled names are a mouthful but it's nobody else's business.Mine and DH's would be a mouthful so we didn't do that, and I just didn't change my name. Everyone to their own. And, NO, I haven't RTFT.

user1484750550 · 05/02/2017 13:06

I probably judge women more that take their husbands name on marriage. I just don't understand why anyone would. people giving their children the dads surname when they aren't even married I can't even get my head around. I just assume they have they have low self worth or don't believe in equality.

I guess taking the husband's name is tradition and habit or whatever, that goes back centuries. It does seem very outdated now though, although many things are easier if you are 'Mr and Mrs same surname.'

I have never ever ever got though, why women who are not married to the father of their children, almost ALWAYS give the children HIS name. I can understand it (slightly,) if they know they are getting married, but if (like in most cases,) they don't intend to get wed, then why? Why give the kids the man's name? Especially as - in the majority of cases - the couple split, and the kids stay with the mother,

When my kids were at school, around 3 in 5 kids had a different surname to their mother, and in some families of 3-5 siblings, they would often have 3 surnames between 5 kids! Not meaning to sound like a snob and not meaning to attack unmarried mothers, just saying that it was commonplace for there to be 3 or 4 different surnames in some families.

I don't get Jackie Kennedy Onassis! Why would you keep your EX-HUSBAND'S surname when you re-marry?! WTF? Shock

SemiNormal · 05/02/2017 13:07

When I married I took my ex husbands name, according to some people on this thread that means I'm extremely old fashioned and what... anti feminist or something?

I don't have an opinion on double-barrelled names, I do think they could be a pita sometimes but other than that each to their own. Don't call out the OP for their shitty attitude about double-barrelled names though and then stick the knife into people who chose to take their husbands names fucking hypocrites.

I don't get why people feel so protective over names in general. Personally couldn't give a toss what my surname is, means nothing as to who I am as a person.

MummysMaison · 05/02/2017 13:07

My children are double barrelled. Their bio fathers surname and their step fathers surname. I think it sounds fab Grin

elfonshelf · 05/02/2017 13:08

I had a double barrelled surname as did the previous 6 generations of my father's family, so wasn't exactly something I chose or could do anything about.

I swapped it for my husband's very short surname when I got married and anonymity is bliss.

I would never, ever give a child a double barrelled surname deliberately. You never fit on forms, constantly have to repeat it etc. Having lived for 30+ years with one, and now nearly 10 years without, it is incredible how many people make assumptions about you based on how posh or otherwise they perceive you to be based solely on your name.

That said, most double barrelled surnames today seem to be because parents aren't married, so perhaps the assumptions of snobbery will stop. Even so, I wouldn't land a child with one.

SemiNormal · 05/02/2017 13:08

Not meaning to sound like a snob - Whether you meant to or not, you did.

AutumnalLeaves38 · 05/02/2017 13:09

Now, now, OP,

Just admit that you harbour secret fantasies of being named this...

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