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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think double barrel surnames all sound stupid and there's just no need for it?

476 replies

ExpectoPatronummmm · 05/02/2017 11:31

I realise I will offend all you double barrellers
But why?
Do you realise it's a mouthful and makes you look like you're trying to be some kind of lord or lady?
What's wrong with one surname?
When I marry my OH i'lol take his surname. I won't just add it to mine and cause an unnecessarly long name to have to say/write/spell.

I think they make you look like a pleb.

OP posts:

MuncheysMummy · 06/02/2017 22:46

Oh and my DH dropped his middle name too when he took his new surname to help move on psychologically from his father.

Ohbuggermebugger · 06/02/2017 22:50

I can't be bothered to read the replies but have to ask OP do you actually know and understand the history behind a woman taking her husbands' surname??

I have two children and have never married, no desire to, both my children have both our surnames on principal! If you understand the history behind maiden name/taking husbands surname you'll understand.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 06/02/2017 23:36

We thought about double barreling our names when we were married, but it sounded like a jazz musician which ever way we did it

Mmmm naaaaiiiiceeeeee!

I think that the OP has just recently found out that their ancestor (with a double-barrelled name ) married beneath their "station", ending up disinherited, lost land, titles and money.

JassyRadlett · 06/02/2017 23:52

Whereas I do think it can be more symbolically important for a man to give the children his surname... Just my thoughts anyway...

This one comes up fairy regularly and I'm honestly interested in why people think that? Why is the need for symbolic parenthood greater for a man than a woman? After all unless they were in the delivery suite with you they have no more evidence that the baby is yours than his.

Hyphenation seems too much of a faff for me but if others can be bothered good on them.

This one made me smile. We have somehow overcome the faff of an extra pen stroke.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 07/02/2017 08:30

Mixed grill...

No, double barrelled doesn't mean both parents 'wanted to keep their surnames'! In some cases but far from all!

I, and several people I know are double- barrelled from their Dad's surname only . So old fashioned women giving up their name on marriage was satisfied!

BertrandRussell · 07/02/2017 08:33

"We have somehow overcome the faff of an extra pen stroke. smile"

Yeah, us too. It's a struggle, mind.............

Doglikeafox · 07/02/2017 08:44

My partner and I will double-barrel our surnames when we marry. He is the last remaining relative to carry his name, and I do not want to give mine up. We would like to appear as a family unit, and my first name with his surname is far too many vowels and a real mouthful, far worse than the double barrelled name IMO.
I don't really worry about it bothering people... the sort of people who have enough time on their hands to have strong feelings about my surname choice probably aren't the sort of people I'd want to be friends with anyway

splendide · 07/02/2017 08:51

But when your children marry Jassy they will have to undertake THREE extra strokes of the pen! Your grandchildren will need SEVEN!

MixedGrill · 07/02/2017 09:00

'Have to' ?

PANIIIIIIIC!

queenofthemountains · 07/02/2017 09:03

I'm sorry I haven't RTFT, as I have no opinion on it, but just wanted to mention I once taught a....

Carpenter- Hunt

Why did they do this?

He did live up to his name though.

MixedGrill · 07/02/2017 09:03

DevilsAvocado, thank you, that omission of mine has been pointed out earlier and is of course, correct.

But my point, within the discussion way back then in those pages, was to refute the value-laden reasons people were giving for other people's choice to go hyphenated / use two surnames.

Gah81 · 07/02/2017 09:04

My partner and I have discussed this and I would keep my surname, but add his to mine. I like my surname, I've been single long enough that I wouldn't feel right without it there and I don't see why, just because I'm the woman in the relationship, I should have to take his surname and lose mine (I'm aware I don't have to take his AT ALL but I like the idea that there's an outward sign we're married. He would also take my surname and add it to his).

I also like to think I've built up a reputation, albeit small, in my field/career and I want people to realise that the woman on the speaker list/giving a comment in the news etc. is still me!

Gah81 · 07/02/2017 09:07

As an aside (probably of interest to no-one but me!) my family used to have a triple-barrelled name but my great grandfather decided it was too much of a faff so chose the bit he liked best and we've used it ever since :) :)

SherlockPotter · 07/02/2017 09:07

I'll sleep better knowing your opinion on double-barrelled names...

derxa · 07/02/2017 09:32

I entrapped my man then took his name which meant that I now live a life of subservient submission.

NataliaOsipova · 07/02/2017 10:48

I entrapped my man then took his name which meant that I now live a life of subservient submission

I did too. And I'm a SAHM these days... I am the handmaiden of the patriarchy....

kimann · 07/02/2017 10:56

YABVU and a bit silly. Nothing to do with you OP. Is it hurting you somehow? First world country problems you have if this is what you're thinking about!

Yes - I have a double-barrelled surname as do my children.

BertrandRussell · 07/02/2017 10:57

Nope. Just another teeny tiny brick amongst the quadrillion million bricks that keep the patriarchy shored up. Like we all are, some of the time.

CivicBlue1 · 07/02/2017 11:48

Op I award you my first ever . My dd has a double-barrelled surname. When dh and I got married we asked then 9 year old dd what she wanted to be called. Did she want to have the same name as me or keep the surname she had (dh is not her bio father but most definitely is her dad). We assured her there was no right or wrong answer and she was free to change her mind. She chose to have both. She wanted the same name as her mum and dad but also wanted to keep the same name as her grandparents. If we have more children then they will have the same surname as their sister.

sassymuffin · 07/02/2017 12:15

DD has a double barrelled surname that she chose at 16 after over 4 years of thinking about it. Her father was convicted of a crime many years ago and shehas had no contact with him for over 10 years. Ex's family was very dispersed across the country and there was sadly lots of nc going on between them so she has only had online contact with some of them a handful of times in the last decade.

As a result of local press coverage her three half brothers had long ago also changed their surnames.

When DD was 16 she changed her name by deep poll and chose to put my mums maiden name and my dads surname together as she couldn't chose between them.

She never did it to sound posh or wanky but for personal reasons that were important to her.

brasty · 07/02/2017 12:21

Our surnames sound stupid together double barelled. So we have talked about creating a new surname from a combination of our surnames. Nothing wrong with double barelled names, but they do have to go together.

derxa · 07/02/2017 12:31

I'm just watching Jacob Rees-Mogg

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 07/02/2017 14:46

I am intrigued as to why the OP would have a strong enough opinion on this to start a thread (but I've just read it, so I can't talk..).

oblada · 07/02/2017 19:50

"
This one comes up fairy regularly and I'm honestly interested in why people think that? Why is the need for symbolic parenthood greater for a man than a woman? After all unless they were in the delivery suite with you they have no more evidence that the baby is yours than his. "

The correct comparator would be a woman and the baby being hers so effectively a woman knows the baby is hers, a man relies on the woman's word on this to some extent. And also I would say that the bond between mother and child is there already prior to the birth whereas the relationship with the father is something that needs to be 'worked on' I suppose more. To me the symbolism of the father giving his name makes sense. Not saying it's necessary (and I'm sure there are/were? some societies ruled by matriarchy and the mother's name) and I can't really say how a man truly feels about it as I'm not one, but I'm quite happy to go along with it personally. My kids have nice long first names (but separated as first and second name to make it easier for everyday life if that makes any sense - it probably doesn't make sense but hey!) it would feel cruel to give them a hyphenated surname :) and my name and DH's would sound weird together....
On a day to day basis I'm more bothered by some of the silly trendish first names ppl give their kids than hyphenated surnames tbh! Mostly because I actually have to say those first names whereas the surnames are of little importance to me!

NataliaOsipova · 07/02/2017 21:33

I'm just watching Jacob Rees-Mogg

I wouldn't admit to that too loudly in public, derxa....

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