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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think double barrel surnames all sound stupid and there's just no need for it?

476 replies

ExpectoPatronummmm · 05/02/2017 11:31

I realise I will offend all you double barrellers
But why?
Do you realise it's a mouthful and makes you look like you're trying to be some kind of lord or lady?
What's wrong with one surname?
When I marry my OH i'lol take his surname. I won't just add it to mine and cause an unnecessarly long name to have to say/write/spell.

I think they make you look like a pleb.

OP posts:
lazyb0nes · 05/02/2017 12:32

How rude.
Me and my husband have both double barrelled ours. I didn't want to change my name to his and it was his suggestion so that we could all have the same name. It really affects no-one else so why do you care? If/when our son marries he can do what he likes. He wouldn't have to quadruple barrel, he could pick whichever part of the name he likes. Why are people so judgy about other people's business?!

seafoodeatit · 05/02/2017 12:32

I didn't think people put this much thought into the surnames of others! An old school friend's daughter has a double barreled first name, 2 middle names and a double barreled surname which is a bit of a mouthful on paper but nobody refers to others by their full name! expect for some parents when they're telling them off Grin

user1484750550 · 05/02/2017 12:33

Just as long as you're still happy if you divorce and end up having a different surname to the kids you're raising.

Even when people split up after NOT getting married, the kids (almost) always have a different surname to the mother, because they (almost) always give the kids the father's surname!!!

So that analogy is bollocks.

Hillfarmer · 05/02/2017 12:33

I don't understand people who supposedly double barrel their surnames on marriage and then don't.

For example - when Victoria Coren married David Mitchell, she changed her name to Victoria Coren Mitchell... but he just stayed David Mitchell. Why didn't he return the compliment? What's the point of that? She's still changing her name and he isn't.

seafoodeatit · 05/02/2017 12:33

Missed out the main bit, YABU.

VictoriaMcdade · 05/02/2017 12:34

I have two friends with double barrelled surnames. These names have been double- barrelled in their families for generations.

I didn't realise how ver' ver' posh they must be Grin

schokolade · 05/02/2017 12:34

Why is it OK for aristocrats? It's either OK, or it's not.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 05/02/2017 12:36

Why does it bother you what other people's surname is OP?

My son has a double-barrelled surname. Me and ex weren't married - even if we were I would've kept my own name - and I felt as his mother (and main care giver) that I had as much right to pass on my family name as he did. I could've just put my surname, but wanted to be fair about it so opted for double-barrelled. I assume that when he's grown, if he has kids of his own and he and his partner want both their names, that one name will get dropped.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/02/2017 12:36

Dh didn't want me to take his surname. He's French. I'm English. His surname is Italian. So I suggested we double barrelled. As is, dd prefers my name as it is the same as her little cousin.

Sorry you don't approve op. I believe I can bear your opinion with fortitude. Hmm

foodiefil · 05/02/2017 12:37

Luna my dad's middle name is his mum's maiden name so not just a Scottish thing.

That would be an option. Along with it being double barrelled.

In my profession it's a bad move to change your surname as well so I wouldn't at work anyway.

Wishforsnow · 05/02/2017 12:38

I probably judge women more that take their husbands name on marraige I just don't understand why anyone would. people giving their children the dads surname when they aren't even married I can't even get my head around. I just assume they have they have low self worth or don't believe in equality.

AdoraBell · 05/02/2017 12:39

Chile has that law too, DC get Me Father-Mother. Woman continues to use her name, man continues to use his name. No one gets confused.

My DC have both names, as do I. They are free to chose which they use, mine, DH's or both, as they see fit.

You, OP, ABU

Sparklingbrook · 05/02/2017 12:39

Why is everyone taking the bait? Sad

Chelazla · 05/02/2017 12:41

Wishfor that is just as judgemental as op! Millions of ppl take dh name do they all have low self esteem Hmm

Maudlinmaud · 05/02/2017 12:42

Sparklingbrook is right. Probably a journo.

DappledThings · 05/02/2017 12:43

I get how it works in Spain and how that could be continued here but it just seems pointless as it's only passing on a name for one generation.

So if Jane Smith-Brown and John Jones-White have a baby she's going to have only two of those four names. So maybe Mary Smith-White or any combo but at least two names will be unused in one generation so it seems like a load of faff for very little point

flirtygirl · 05/02/2017 12:43

Yabu and two surnames dont have to be double barrelled.
Both my 2 dds and I are my name then husbands name with no hyphen.

  1. I didnt like how it looked with the hyphen and 2. My poor dd has an hyphen in her first name think Emma-louise Smith-Barnes and I coudnt do that to her.
So she is Emma-louise Smith Barnes. I think it looks nice. And not that much of a mouthful.
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/02/2017 12:45

I object to being told I am wrong for wanting to take my DP's surname when we get married. He most certainly does not own me. My DD has his surname. We both wanted that. My surname is boring and common. I don't particularly care for it.

I don't give a shit what other people do with their surnames. I am for choice. I will defend a woman's choice over her surname. But do not insult and judge my choice and call it feminism!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 05/02/2017 12:46

Jessica Brown Findlay - WTF??

Even Jessica Findlay Brown would have sounded better than what her parents (I presume?) actually did.

Thank God I'm common.

KathArtic · 05/02/2017 12:46

I don't think it matters these days. Some parents don't marry, or are divorced or re-married. Some are double barrelled.

So far the women in my family have all taken their husbands surname so I don't know of any problems this causes with forms and travel, but I suppose there are some.

I think the only time I'm slightly Hmm is where the family name is well known and its a way to keep the link (and status). Jackie Kennedy Onassis, Victoria Beckham, Abbey Clancy sort of thing.

CaliforniaHorcrux · 05/02/2017 12:47

No opinion on it other than Julia Hartley Brewer makes me want to gag (she does, not her name)

It never affected me as my exh is a Muslim and you don't take the man's name in Islam, so I should have been Mrs (maiden surname). I didn't like that, something didn't feel right about it, so just kept it Miss (own surname)

Rightly or wrongly a double-barreled surname looks posh to me but, meh

Bluebellevergreen · 05/02/2017 12:47

Sometimes is a cultural thing.
I am happy that in my home country people dont change names when they get married.
I personally would never take my DH's name, why would I? I am who I am and I am not changing my family name. My choice.

So in my country the children get 1 name (sometimes a compound name) and then one surname from dad one from mum is whichever order the parents want.

I like that system.

So my DS is having that but double barrelled because in this country we can't do the 2 surnames thing.

Not sure if people think is posh or not (MIL certainly rolled her eyes) but I think most people know that this is how it works where I am from and I feel double barrelling is a good compromise for us.

I understand maybe not traditional here?

reuset · 05/02/2017 12:47

I don't like 'em either, OP.

Double and hyphenated first names are usually far worse, however Grin

Talking about the UK here

seafoodeatit · 05/02/2017 12:48

Wishfor great, you've got Metallica's my friend of misery stuck in my head now! still, it must be exhausting having such trivial things to judge over, do you also perchance hate it when people peel bananas the wrong way?

barinatxe · 05/02/2017 12:49

YANBU. It's selfish to enforce a double-barreled name upon your children, (assuming that you don't have the double-barreled name yourself - not really your fault in that case). What happens if they decide to do the same thing when they have kids? Do you expect the number of names to double with every generation? "Ms Anne Smith-Jones-Warblequacker-Fletcher-Spooner-Smith-Harrison-Ford" would be quite a mouthful.

There is also the problem of names which are not exactly compatible with one another. "Mr Dick Deadman-Graves" would be quite unfortunate, as would "Major Sexton-Fender".