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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think double barrel surnames all sound stupid and there's just no need for it?

476 replies

ExpectoPatronummmm · 05/02/2017 11:31

I realise I will offend all you double barrellers
But why?
Do you realise it's a mouthful and makes you look like you're trying to be some kind of lord or lady?
What's wrong with one surname?
When I marry my OH i'lol take his surname. I won't just add it to mine and cause an unnecessarly long name to have to say/write/spell.

I think they make you look like a pleb.

OP posts:
splendide · 06/02/2017 11:02

Has anyone with a double barel name stopped to think about what happens with the next generation? You'll need 4 names each!

Wink
Only1scoop · 06/02/2017 11:02

I may consider that and then ....
Cancel the cheque

DorkusDelonghi · 06/02/2017 11:03

YAwn. YAWN. RTFT.

splendide · 06/02/2017 11:03

In all seriousness though, I took DH's name when I got married and it's a source of great regret to me. I wish we'd been a bit more radical, especially as I think DH would've been up for it.

Famalam13 · 06/02/2017 11:30

There's no time limit splendide :) I took DH's surname for the first six month until it rankled too much and we both hyphenated. People adapt quite easily.

anxious2017 · 06/02/2017 11:51

Double barreled first names are much more of an issue 😉

DianaMemorialJam · 06/02/2017 12:06

Thank you Margaret

In my (young) naivety I honestly never gave it a thought. Changing my name was almost therapeutic, and I never actually considered what it actually meant to change it, iyswim?

I am only 24 so I am always learning Wink

DameSquashalot · 06/02/2017 13:29

What happens when two people with double barrelled surnames marry? Do the kids end up with quadruple barrelled surnames????? Please explain to me someone. 🙃😕😶

Headofthehive55 · 06/02/2017 13:47

Using the Spanish way is fine but if you aren't in Spain it's not a convention here. So it can cause more upset I guess as you are choosing one name over another rather than an established convention.
You can call yourself what you want I think, but I do like my family being under one surname rather than different combinations. The easier to spell the better I think!

BertrandRussell · 06/02/2017 14:24

I theoretically perfectly understand why you might want everyone in the family to have the same last name. What I don't understand is why it has to be the man's!

DianaMemorialJam · 06/02/2017 14:43

Bert I think the answer to that is : there isn't one single easy answer.

Some people 'just do it'

Some people prefer the husbands name

Some people want rid of their maiden name for various reasons

I expect some people are coerced into it under the pretence of tradition and male pride.

SoftDay · 06/02/2017 14:56

Johnny Smellie Trump ha ha ha!

I didn't change my name when I got married; never even considered it. DH and I have not had children, but I have sometimes idly mused on what they might have been named. I don't like hyphenated names personally, so wouldn't have used that, and I bristle at the notion that a child should AUTOMATICALLY have its father's surname. We probably would have drawn straws Grin!

MixedGrill · 06/02/2017 19:13

But Diana, where are the men who don't like their surnames? Who change their names to escape negative connotations?

And what about these RL women who do change their name to Smellie, and inflict that on their children? Why aren't their DH's saying 'let's take your name'? (Unless it is Trump, of course)

DianaMemorialJam · 06/02/2017 19:51

Mixed I can't answer that question. Without 'outing' myself, my maiden name is particularly unusual and has a double a in it. I always hated it. My new name is a very simple four letter word that everybody can spell without it taking an age to explain. And up thread I explained my issues with my father. Obviously I can only speak from personal experience. My husband has a great relationship with his parents, sees them often. I like being associated with heir family if that makes sense? But, again, my situation is purely anecdotal

DianaMemorialJam · 06/02/2017 19:52

Their*

DianaMemorialJam · 06/02/2017 19:53

I have to say though if I hated husbands name, I would have kept my own and given it to the kids. It just happens to be that mine was shite and his is a very common and simple one!

Sunnymeg · 06/02/2017 19:57

A girl in DS's form has a triple barrelled surname. Two from her Mum and one from her Dad. Luckily all the names are a maximum of two syllables, so you can say it quite quickly.

OpenYourEyesAndSee · 06/02/2017 21:05

I theoretically perfectly understand why you might want everyone in the family to have the same last name. What I don't understand is why it has to be the man's!

Yes me too. I think a lot of people do it because it's traditional without thinking about other options. Obviously not the case for everyone.

SundialShadow · 06/02/2017 21:32

OP - grasp your pearls hard, I have some massive news for you.... there are people with triple-barreled names.

Ellle · 06/02/2017 21:49

And we all know what happens when two triple-barrelled name people meet... We get the sextuple-barrelled name! Wink

GimmeeMoore · 06/02/2017 21:55

I think choosing to forfeit your surname to take a mans is stupid.and there's no need for it
One can easily retain own surname,or even better go double barrelled

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 06/02/2017 21:55

No no Elle, it is in fact an exponential process whereby each person has 9 names.

WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE FACTORS????

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 06/02/2017 21:57

Soz, Ellle.

Hmm I see you have 3 Ls. Do you have a triple barreled name? 《narrows eyes》

oblada · 06/02/2017 22:05

Do people really care what others do? I don't give a damn. Took husband's name. Saw no particular reason to keep my/my father's name once I got married. Even if it had been my mother's name who cares it's not who I am it's just a surname. Same with husband's name it's just a bleeding name. I think it's easier to have the same surname within the family unit. I'm happy for it to be my husband's name. I gave birth to my kids I don't need an extra 'link' to them, they're mine, no matter what. Whereas I do think it can be more symbolically important for a man to give the children his surname... Just my thoughts anyway... Hyphenation seems too much of a faff for me but if others can be bothered good on them.
Hyphenated first names are also too much of a faff imo. I have yet to see any I rly like although they are quite common on my family amongst the men (not from the UK).

MuncheysMummy · 06/02/2017 22:43

OP you are being a twat not merely unreasonable! It may surprise you to realise that people do things for reasons you have not considered... myself and my husband are double barrelled (the same name) as he has no relationship with his father at all (yet was named after him as a middle name) his father treated him and his mum terribly then abandoned them totally 20 years ago. My DH is close to my dad and says he's more of a dad to him than his has ever been and that it feels more like him joining my family than me his (his is very small) and so taking my family name felt more appropriate, so we came up with the idea of using both names as my family name would've died out if I hadn't kept it yet didn't want to drop his surname totally as his DM still has it and there's only the two of them. Our DS has our double barrelled name too we all 3 have the same surname it works for us.