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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think double barrel surnames all sound stupid and there's just no need for it?

476 replies

ExpectoPatronummmm · 05/02/2017 11:31

I realise I will offend all you double barrellers
But why?
Do you realise it's a mouthful and makes you look like you're trying to be some kind of lord or lady?
What's wrong with one surname?
When I marry my OH i'lol take his surname. I won't just add it to mine and cause an unnecessarly long name to have to say/write/spell.

I think they make you look like a pleb.

OP posts:
bowed · 05/02/2017 23:05

Cory, this thread is really quite long with a lot of pointless name calling to read through.

What about 2 people with double barrelled names? 4 barrelled names for children? And their children?

That's for the them to decide. Lots of options There are instances of quadruple barrel, you could do a cull, or mesh some into one surname, not as dreadful as it sounds. Or choose one new surname entirely, this is something friends of mine have done.

Ellle · 05/02/2017 23:06

MaisyPops, if you really want to know I suggest you read a couple of posts where it is explained:

  1. Mine at Sun 05-Feb-17 21:37:57

  2. JeanLouise123's post at Sun 05-Feb-17 21:47:34, which I thought it is very good as an example.

corythatwas · 05/02/2017 23:09

Bowed, I'm not saying everybody has to read the thread. But perhaps they don't have to start insisting that something must be ridiculous without stopping to reflect that there may just be some kind of sensible explanation in those 14 pages that they can't be bothered to read.

bowed · 05/02/2017 23:10

Elle - your own explanation is about what usually happens with Spanish people

bowed · 05/02/2017 23:15

The Jeanlouise post only gives one example also

I really can't see a decent one, but I'm still looking now

bowed · 05/02/2017 23:19

Have a look at this link Maisy or anybody else who's interested in the quadruple potential, and alternative options to the double barrel. I can't see anything in this thread of much use.

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/family/are-we-heading-for-a-generation-of-kids-with-quadruple-barrelled-names0/

It mentions meshing too

bowed · 05/02/2017 23:26

bowed, as for me it wasn't about taking my husband's surname (what with him being male and important): it was about becoming part of a new country

You really don't need to explain. I am indifferent as to whether somebody has a double barrel or has changed to the same name as their husband or wife. The name calling on both sides has been ridiculous.

Ellle · 05/02/2017 23:33

Yes, but when MaisyPops asks: "What about 2 people with double barrelled names? 4 barrelled names for children? And their children?"
it seems to me that she is worried that the couple with two sets of double-barrelled surnames will end up with children having 4 barrelled surnames and their children having 8 barrelled surnames and so on.

My explanation of what happens in Spanish speaking countries and Jeanlouise's example proves that it doesn't have to be the case. Same way that people in the UK with single surnames don't end up with children having 2 surnames unless they choose to. It is all a matter of choice, and in some cases (like mine), choice based on tradition or heritage.

Deadsouls · 05/02/2017 23:35

Oh well, OP good for you. YANBU for having an opinion. But not sure if it's an AIBU issue really. You're just saying you don't double barrelled surnames right?

bowed · 05/02/2017 23:37

The quadruple surname does exist. Your example, that you recommended, was only one example and one alternative option.

Asking people to 'RTFT' when there is nothing much to find is not helpful.

corythatwas · 05/02/2017 23:38

bowed, that was in response to your comment:

"I didn't take my husband's surname at all. I'm quite feminist though"

I'm also quite feminist. So just wanted to explain that it was nothing to do with his sex, more his nationality. If he had moved to my country, he might well have taken mine.

I thought this was a thread for discussing double-barrelling?

I don't think I've indulged in any name-calling.

bowed · 05/02/2017 23:38

I've provided a detailed link now, so that's fine.

bowed · 05/02/2017 23:41

Do calm down Cory. I didn't address my comment to you. I haven't read your explanation because I'm indifferent to your choices and reasons for them.

bowed · 05/02/2017 23:44

You really are taking things personally too. I said there was a lot of name calling. I said it was from both sides. This is fact. I didn't accuse you of being involved. Not once.

Anything else you want to argue about before I go to bed?

Headofthehive55 · 05/02/2017 23:44

In some ways a recognised convention is helpful whereas choosing to double up and then drop some surnames etc does have potential to show favour to a grandparent or two.

Much the same as if you decide to use one of the grandparents first names for your baby. You have the possibility of creating division unnecessarily.

YerAWizardHarry · 05/02/2017 23:46

If DP and I double barrelled our surnames our poor children would have a 20 letter surname, not going to happen Grin

tooclosetocall · 05/02/2017 23:48

Ha! Lord and Lady? I'm not trying to be anything, thanks for your concern. Run along now

JassyRadlett · 05/02/2017 23:49

Bowed, seriously, it came across to me that cory was just engaging in conversation,not arguing. Certainly nothing to warrant a 'do calm down'.

Ellle · 05/02/2017 23:52

Well, I didn't tell MaisyPops to RTFT. I told her exactly where she could find information for her question, that proved that just because two people with double barrelled surnames get married their children don't end up with 4 barrelled surnames. Of course, it could still happen, if it is their choice. Like you said, the quadruple surname does exist.

But it is the parents who decide to have a quadruple surname or not and keep it a double barrelled; just like people with single surnames choose to keep it as one surname or double it.

SharkiraSharkira · 05/02/2017 23:55

Generally speaking I don't care either way as it doesn't affect me one way or the other so I feel you ABU.

I know a person who has 2 kids. DC1 has a double barrelled name (she was not married to the father), so the dc has her name and his. DC2 is with her new partner, who she is planning to marry. DC2 has new partner's name. She is changing her name to her partner's when they marry. So she, DC2 and her dp will all have the same name but dc1 will have a different name, and a different name to their father's side of the family. That seems a little sad, I don't think dc1 cares at the moment but dc1 will literally be the only one in the whole family with a different name.

Having said that, who gives a fuck, a name is just a name, what does it really mean in the grand scheme of things? My dcs have my ex's name, I am changing back to my maiden name. I am still, and always will be, their mother no matter what my name is!

bowed · 05/02/2017 23:58

That's only your opinion and considering the bile you came out with earlier, I'm not interested in hearing what somebody like you has to say.

I'm coping just fine without having signalled to the world my ability to catch a man by changing my name and title

And Cory can speak for herself I'm sure.

toconclude · 06/02/2017 00:00

Not so much YABU (although you are) as MYOB. Not to mention that people who are anxious to portray something as "like a pleb" often have some serious self esteem class issues going on. Might want to work on that.

bowed · 06/02/2017 00:00

But it is the parents who decide to have a quadruple surname or not and keep it a double barrelled; just like people with single surnames choose to keep it as one surname or double it.

Those are not the only options though. The article gives a few more examples. But of course it is for them to decide.

JassyRadlett · 06/02/2017 00:09

Bowed, can I refer you to my post of 22.17, if you hadn't seen it already.

You come across to me as very hostile, though of course my opinion doesn't matter.

bowed · 06/02/2017 00:13

That little snippet of bile from you about 'catching a man' was worse than hostile. I'm not interested in reading anything from you.

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