To tell dsd she has to move out?

[Gem90]

She is 19, refuses to apply for jobs, doesn't want to go to college and is just generally rude and spiteful to me, dh and my younger ds with dh.
Today was the last straw, she came home drunk this morning at 3am, banging about the kitchen making food, waking us all. This morning I told her she has a month to find somewhere else to stay. She started shouting then crying saying she would change, she would start paying rent out of her jobseekers bla bla bla, but I'm done. I told dh she has a month to go or I will and he agrees she needs to live in the real world and realise how good she has had it all these years.

Some of you are proper drama llamas. Pmsl at the notion that she is being forced into prostitution because her parents will no longer tolerate her bad behaviour!
She has a mother she can go to - she has chosen not to because her mum won't let her take the piss either!

I wonder how many of you would put up with 2 years of shitty behaviour in your house before you cracked and said enough is enough.

I'm reasonably confident the OP wouldn't let her live on the streets. A step mum who arranges interviews for you and tries to help you, is hardly some spiteful bitch who would give you a poisoned apple doesn't care. But if OP does nothing, then this girl will still be the same at 24! At what point does the OP have a right to say no? A shock might do her good.

OP, if you do decide to let her stay, then in your shoes I would ban smoking in the house, start charging her board and say no to the boyfriend staying over until she either has a job or enrols at college and attends properly. Make home a bit less comfortable and force her to grow up and contribute.

YANBU OP.

OP YANBU.

It's just a shame the only adult in her life who wants her to make something of herself isn't either of her parents. Why it's got to this stage is a pretty sad indictment on her upbringing.

I think YABVU for making that decision instead of your Husband. It's not yours to make. It's his, and it would be perfectly proper for him to decide not to tell her to leave, however she's behaving.

If he has a spine he'll tell you to leave.

At 19 as long as she is nice to other family members/helps out with household chores, I do not see why she should be in education/work.

Collaborate it's the OP's home legally. She isn't going anywhere.

If her husband has a spine he will actually parent his daughter and stop allowing her to behave in a completely immature and irresponsible fashion. She obviously needs guidance.

Why on earth would OP be made to leave her own home when all she's done is try to get this girl (who is not even her blood relative) to make something of herself instead of binge drinking and refusing to attend interviews?

I don't think the OP is in a very good place herself, given her other threads. I really think your husband should ask his daughter to move in with her mom - if only temporarily - until you feel yourself again.

Put it this way: if you had an adult living in your home causing all this chaos would you roll over and accept it? Or would you ask them to leave, knowing full well they have friends and family who would be able to help them and offer them a home?

Why should OP have to live a life utterly subservient to others who don't even acknowledge or respect her? It's an absolute joke and no one here would put up with it. But because she's a step mum she has to just take it all on the chin? What a crock of shit.

Collaborate, it is the OP's house. She has every right to make this decision. God, who'd be a stepmother - treayed like shit and with no rights in your own house.
Maybe if her dh had a spine, he would have dealt with his own child 2 years ago.

Aderyn this thread pretty much the embodiment of hatred towards stepmums. Stepdads are amazing men who fill the gaps and stepmothers are evil witches. Obviously a simplified explanation of the stereotype but pretty bloody accurate.

Also if OP went her younger child would also most likely leave too. Meaning a child loses his home in favour of an overgrown woman-baby who has never had any guidance or been made to take responsibility for her own life.

Absolute joke. This thread has me incensed.

At 19 as long as she is nice to other family members/helps out with household chores, I do not see why she should be in education/work.

But she isn't. And really? It's ok for someone to do bugger all as long as they're nice and help out with chores? That should just be a given and earn some money.

How long should this carry on for? Until she's 25? 30? Never take any responsibility for her own life?

"If he has a spine he'll tell you to leave."
He'd have a fucking nerve

Could you only allow her bread and butter sandwiches and water unless she pays housekeeping? Any treats in a lockable box. For a week it won't hurt.

If she's claiming jobseekers the clue is in the name. Who would seriously claim that at 19 being nice to people and doing a few household chores is enough? Of course she isn't going to turn her life around straight away but I think she needs to be showing more willingness to do so.

LMAOOOO - 19 and no need to be in education or work. So long as they are polite. Seriously?!

Holy shitballs...I can't, I just can't.

Hive is that serious?!

I think putting up with this for 2 years means the OP has shown more than enough patience in expecting her DSD to become a contributing, respectful member of the household.

I also think that the girl's father, OP's DH, has also had those 2 years to actually parent his child and tell her what is expected and follow through with consequences.

OP has had enough, and I don't blame her. I think DSD needs a harsh life lesson that her behaviour and failure to do anything that is expected of her is just not acceptable. She cannot continue to live with you and take the piss, and that's exactly what she's doing.

DSD's mother has told her the same thing, which is why she's still with you.

All her parents and step parents need to stand firm on this. Help her find a room, a bed sit, perhaps pay the first month's rent, but she needs to realize she's a grown up now who is not in education or training, her choice, so she needs to find a job and support herself.

Good luck, OP. I don't think you're being unreasonable. If she shows genuine movement towards making an effort at becoming respectful, cleaning up after herself, and looking for and going to work, then maybe extend the deadline. But I do think living on her own and soon will be a wake up call that she really, really needs.

The 'step' daughter bit is just a red herring.

OP my mum did exactly the same thing to me at exactly same age for exactly the same reason.

I don't blame her at all, it was a good thing for her to do at the time.

She did help me find a place (in fact she threw a paper at me with the room circled and that's how I woke from my drunken stuper) but otherwise I was standing on my own two feet.

Do it. It will be good for her even if she doesn't know it.

YANBU.

Step-daughter or not, it's high time she joined the real world.

Stealth, just so you know, the 55 in my user name is neither my age, or birth year.

It's a really difficult one as if I were the op I'd be staying as far away from parenting this young woman as I could. But no one else seems to be doing it.

Great, thanks

My dp's (we don't live together) son has been doing exactly this since he was 17. He is now 27 and shows no sign of changing. I think the ultimatum is reasonable after 2 years of no action but it should be her father giving it. I think I might have to ask them both to leave if he would not. But I am Mrs harsh pants.

Flaming he is her ds's dad though. Else I'd totally agree