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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU regarding theatre experience?

631 replies

WildBelle · 04/02/2017 19:19

I took my DDs to the theatre last night as a treat. I was up to my neck in uni work all xmas holidays so we didn't really go out and do much, so I got us tickets to see a show that I knew they'd both love. I hope I don't offend anyone with this post, I have a dd with a disability so that's the last thing I want to do.

Throughout the first half there was someone in the audience who kept singing happy birthday VERY loudly. This ramped up significantly in the second half, it was pretty much constant and very distracting, and then was accompanied by someone else who was making very loud noises (and sounded quite distressed). i am assuming that they were older children or adults with learning difficulties. Now don't get me wrong, I am completely behind the idea of people with disabilities having access to theatre or anything else, but in the second half particularly the noises coming from that direction were so loud that it was impossible to hear what was going on on stage.

If someone had a baby that was crying, they would have taken them out to avoid disturbing everyone else. I can't help thinking that the carers should have done something about it, particularly when it escalated in the second half. I personally feel disppointed that the show was ruined a bit by not being able to hear, as a single parent it's not something I can afford to do that often. There was probably getting on for 1000 people in the theatre and they would have all been affected by the noise levels.

I probably sound horrible and I really don't mean to, but AIBU?

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 04/02/2017 20:47

Dixie From what Toys said sounds like there was a lot of complaints and upset but presumably Op couldn't hear them over the singing.

Original poster
WildBelle · 04/02/2017 20:49

Toysaurus - yes! I knew sooner or later someone else would come along who was there. I heard your son, I could understand his frustration.

My dd1 has asd too but she seemed to cope alright with the noises, it was dd2 who was the most distracted and kept asking me 'why is that person singing?', rather than concentrating on the show.

OP posts:
Original poster
WildBelle · 04/02/2017 20:50

Toys - the other song was 'row row row your boat'.

OP posts:
Toysaurus · 04/02/2017 20:52

AndShesGone, I didn't ask for a refund or complain because there's not much that can be done. It was the second performance of the show I had seen anyway because my son's needs are tricky which means I can only take one child at a time.

I've worked FOH in theatre for years in the past. I've seen customers shouting at management about people with disabilities ruining shows and them standing firm saying they will not remove them because it's against the law.

But being a parent of a child with a disability who can be disruptive, I see it as my responsibility to manage it so it doesn't impact to the detriment of others.

Mind you if it had been the opera I would have been raging. I have zero tolerance to a pin dropping in opera Wink

Toysaurus · 04/02/2017 20:53

Wildbelle, That's the song!

Original poster
WildBelle · 04/02/2017 20:53

Dixie - other members of the audience asking/telling the people with special needs to be quiet probably wouldn't have got them very far. It's not like they were being noisy on purpose.

OP posts:
Original poster
WildBelle · 04/02/2017 20:55

I was telling a friend about it earlier and he said he would be sure to phone me up to sing happy birthday to me next week when it is my birthday cheeky twat. Heard enough happy birthdays to last me a good long while.

OP posts:
Devilishpyjamas · 04/02/2017 20:57

The problem is that theatre shows have very tight budgets and the production companies will generally not take the hit in relaxed shows.

Personally my answer would be to make the final tech a relaxed performance (with cheap seats) - especially for things like musicals - so that people who struggle with theatre etiquette could attend.

It sounds as if the tech run throughs can sometimes be fairly stressful though confused

Devilishpyjamas · 04/02/2017 20:58

That should be Confused not 'confused'

SherlockPotter · 04/02/2017 21:00

YANBU! The carers should have taken them out, to calm them down. They may suffer from sensory issues, theatres do offer relaxed performances but these aren't regular... maybe once or twice a year or one performance depending on the type of show.

Ushers don't tend to go over to them unless there's a clear issue, usually because there's a career with them who are able to control the situation.

I would drop the theatre an email about the situation, it may prompt them to put on more relaxed performances. Other than that, I'm not sure what the theatre can do as they can't stop patrons with learning disabilities from watching the show.

Somerville · 04/02/2017 21:03

It sounds like:
1/ The noise level from someone in the audience was particularly extreme, which is very unusual. I go to the theatre a lot and have never heard anything this distracting. In fact, I've never been disturbed by anyone who has learning difficulties or disabilities, as far as I know. Mainly by very rude people with their phones on, or the occasional drunk.

2/ Bristol Hippodrome clearly has a lot of people who happen to have SN who enjoy watching musicals. Which is great. They really should be considering offering some relaxed performances off the back of this, and I would consider writing a letter to suggest that if I'd been there last night.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 04/02/2017 21:06

If the person with LDs is singing/ shouting out/ sounding distressed throughout the whole performance, doesn't that often mean they are anxious/ stressed by the experience? e.g. the singing is a coping mechanism?

Devilishpyjamas · 04/02/2017 21:07

It's not up to the THEATRES to offer relaxed performances - it is not up to them. It is the PRODUCTION COMPANIES that have the right/power/ability to offer them.

It may be worth dropping them a line. Especially the big ones like David Ian Productions.

Devilishpyjamas · 04/02/2017 21:07

Not necessarily hopeless - when my son is happy he is very loud.

Original poster
WildBelle · 04/02/2017 21:08

I think the one singing sounded happy enough, but the one who had the meltdown sounded distressed to me.

OP posts:
MNHQ
IonaMumsnet · 04/02/2017 21:08

Evening all. Just popping by to say thank you for the largely reasonable and thoughtful posts on this thread.

Just because we know threads on these scenarios can sometimes get a bit fraught and upsetting, particularly for parents of children with special needs, we wanted to drop in to remind everyone that we always like to remember that those parents and children face particular challenges daily and, ultimately, inclusivity benefits us all.

We also know that there are many parents of children with SN on Mumsnet and in fact on this thread , so we think it's always worth reminding folk to consider that when posting on threads on this kind of topic.

Sorry to barge in on the thread anyway, OP. Have a good evening, all.

TheFirstMrsDV · 04/02/2017 21:09

somerville that is a very good point and worth repeating. I am not a great theatre goer (I wish) but I do go sometimes and go to the cinema a lot.
I do not recall being disturbed or upset by someone with LDs/ASD etc.

letthirstydogslie · 04/02/2017 21:15

Agree Devil, there are very few relaxed performances, sometimes whole runs of shows which would be ideal for those with additional needs pass with none at all.

Theatres will no longer ask people to leave who have additional needs and are making noise a. because it is horrifically upsetting for the carer or parent and very upsetting for the person with additional needs who often are enjoying the show and just being vocal about it and b. because the family who have also paid £sss for their child or family member to see the same show will go to the papers to express their upset and the theatres don't want that kind of image. There was a huge uproar regarding a child with autism and Wicked a few years ago in London.

Wicked have since worked with the NAS and have adapted the show for those with autism and additional needs including lighting, lower sounds, no surprises, no strobe lights and an online visual familiarisation story. BUT there is ONE performance of this.

They also have to be careful in regards to the law and discrimination too, this is not someone with a baby or someone chatting who can help it.

I seriously think the only thing that can be done is to pressure production companies and theatres to provide relaxed performances.

OhNoItIsntOhYesItIs · 04/02/2017 21:20

You couldn't make a tech run into a relaxed performance, Devilishpyjamas. Changes are still being made to all aspects, and you've got a production table with the lighting desk on in the middle of the stalls.

Alterations are made to lighting, sound, special effects etc etc for a relaxed performance, which takes planning and work time. It's always a wonderful and valuable thing to do, but it can't be combined with tech.

SherlockPotter · 04/02/2017 21:22

Devilish depends on the theatre... the theatre I work at has quite a lot of 'home grown' productions so we can offer at least 1 relaxed performance each production. From my experience, we can negotiate with touring companies if the length of the tour is longer than 3/4 days but shorter performances and amateur group shows are a no-no.

SherlockPotter · 04/02/2017 21:25

Also tech runs are to ensure the sounds, lights, stage, scenery are working as they should be.

Devilishpyjamas · 04/02/2017 21:26

Maybe another pre-run straight after tech? I know that's not very practical & it's all a bit stressful & it might be being filmed for promo purposes.

I don't know - I don't think the production companies can afford relaxed performances for many shows so it needs to be something that doesn't add to costs.

I think there are lots who wouldn't care about special lighting etc - or quiet sounds (my son wouldn't) - they just need to be able to be noisy Grin

letthirstydogslie · 04/02/2017 21:26

Agree with OhNo Tech runs can be utterly chaos and probably not great as a relaxed performance. When we got a very well known show some years ago when it toured for the first time after being in the West End, the tech run was only the second time the in venue (rather than touring) tech staff and wardrobe had run as a dress rehearsal from start to finish.

Devilishpyjamas · 04/02/2017 21:29

That's very good Sherlock. Our large regional theatre doesn't offer anything apart from the one panto show.

My son loves musicals but they just don't do the relaxed shows here.

MrsBlennerhassett · 04/02/2017 21:30

Its difficult. I used to assist someone with quite severe autism, severe enough to need two carers 24hrs a day. He was completely physically able and was a 6ft 24year old male. He would get extremely agressive and shout and kick etc..... yet we were still forced to take him to the cinema even though he had no interest in it at all.
His mother and the company i worked for insisted that we did because of the funding it got him if we said we were doing that.
Ridiculous.
I did used to take him out if he started screaming but i always used to get in to trouble with the manager for doing so.
People with severe autism and other issues that may mean they cry out, can be expected to make some noise during a performance and may still enjoy it so should be given some leeway to stay. However if someone has fully started screaming or is paying absolutely no attention to the event at all and is talking or singing constantly they are not really getting anything out of it anyway and in my opinion should probably just leave. Especially if its just a regular showing where some people may have paid a fair amount of money to be there.
YANBU