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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU regarding theatre experience?

631 replies

WildBelle · 04/02/2017 19:19

I took my DDs to the theatre last night as a treat. I was up to my neck in uni work all xmas holidays so we didn't really go out and do much, so I got us tickets to see a show that I knew they'd both love. I hope I don't offend anyone with this post, I have a dd with a disability so that's the last thing I want to do.

Throughout the first half there was someone in the audience who kept singing happy birthday VERY loudly. This ramped up significantly in the second half, it was pretty much constant and very distracting, and then was accompanied by someone else who was making very loud noises (and sounded quite distressed). i am assuming that they were older children or adults with learning difficulties. Now don't get me wrong, I am completely behind the idea of people with disabilities having access to theatre or anything else, but in the second half particularly the noises coming from that direction were so loud that it was impossible to hear what was going on on stage.

If someone had a baby that was crying, they would have taken them out to avoid disturbing everyone else. I can't help thinking that the carers should have done something about it, particularly when it escalated in the second half. I personally feel disppointed that the show was ruined a bit by not being able to hear, as a single parent it's not something I can afford to do that often. There was probably getting on for 1000 people in the theatre and they would have all been affected by the noise levels.

I probably sound horrible and I really don't mean to, but AIBU?

OP posts:
PenguinRoar · 04/02/2017 22:13

May I just say...

Just because someone is making involuntary noise during a show, it does not automatically mean they are distressed.

It could just as easily be enjoyment, Tourette's or something else.

Either way, unless you are that person, or their carer, it's not for you try and figure it out or make judgment.

Move seats at the interval or leave if you can't tolerate or empathise.

Devilishpyjamas · 04/02/2017 22:15

Yes a noisy ds1 is a happy ds1.

LouKout · 04/02/2017 22:17

It's like the old wheelchair on bus vs buggy IMO

People moan about having to fold but really it's a rare occurrence. As opposed to people using wheelchairs encountering buggies on every bus.

People might be disturbed as a one off by someone making involuntary noise..but the person can't access theatre ever if everyone complains.

A little more tolerance wouldn't go amiss.

People don't have it generally though which is why disability discrimination is illegal, and why the Lowry quotes this.

Noone would choose inclusion if it impacted on them so sometimes people need forced to accept it..

JacquesHammer · 04/02/2017 22:19

I agree with the suggestion that if someone is disturbed to the point they can't hear the production they should be offered the chance to come to another show.

SmilingButClueless · 04/02/2017 22:20

Penguin I get that noise doesn't always mean distress.

But your comment about leaving if you can't tolerate or empathise is a bit harsh. Am I (as someone with a disability) not equally entitled to have access to the theatre? Why should I always have to be the one to leave?

LouKout · 04/02/2017 22:21

People do try to accommodate and be considerate. But generally this is in form of people with LDs not accessing the theatre because of reactions. A little understanding is needed. It's difficult, but the status quo and entrenched attitudes aren't great.

NataliaOsipova · 04/02/2017 22:21

I hope your son does get to see his brother someday, Devilish.

It occurs to me that someone is missing a bit of a trick here, as, thinking about it, they could potentially attract a whole new audience to things by being more inclusive. Devilish is saying she hasn't booked tickets because her son might make a noise. I didn't book because I thought a small child might be a bit fidgety and require a bit of explanation/make a noise. I know an older lady who is nervous of the theatre because she has a weak bladder and worries about needing to get up and go to the loo in the middle of the performance. I know another who worries her hearing aid may buzz. All of these are entirely different situations but could be encompassed by a "no rules" attitude. Potentially it could work for the theatre companies as well as they could, say, put their understudies on at such a performance and give them a bit of experience in the starring roles at the same time as filling seats that wouldn't otherwise be sold. They could do it at, say, 10am and make it an extra show before the usual matinee, therefore not reducing the income from their usual performances.

I think a bit of creative thinking is needed here....and I suspect it would be to everyone's benefit.

TheFirstMrsDV · 04/02/2017 22:21

A DS2 repeating the some thing very loudly is an unhappy DS2.

ChangeTime · 04/02/2017 22:23

THIS is The Bristol Hippodrome Access Statement. It's dated March 2015. I don't know if there is an updated version. Trish Hodson ( [email protected] ) is the 'Access Champion' for The Bristol Hippodrome. I don't know if there is any point letting her know about this but maybe she would be interested.

letthirstydogslie · 04/02/2017 22:27

I have got to say though in all the years and all the shows I have seen or worked on I have never once been disturbed by someone with additional needs. Plenty of drunks, plenty of inconsiderate adults but not people with additional needs.

Toysaurus · 04/02/2017 22:27

I believe ATG made the groups and access staff redundant a month ago. They've made changes to how access bookings are made. A real shame because they were enormously helpful and knowledgable.

PenguinRoar · 04/02/2017 22:32

smiling. In this scenario, you would be leaving because you weren't enjoying the performance or the environment.

If you could put aside your discomfort, or take action to increase your comfort, e.g. Moving seats, the how is that a problem?

PenguinRoar · 04/02/2017 22:34

And just to draw comprison...

You go to a standing music gig, and you're surrounded by tall people inhibiting your view... would you want the venue to move all the tall people out of your way, or would you move instead?

letthirstydogslie · 04/02/2017 22:36

Toilets are a huge issue for me too.
I have a medical condition now which affects this and many theatres have one disabled toilet or three ladies toilets up a billion stairs and you have several thousand people and a twenty minute interval it is a nightmare or you are faced with the walk of shame of everyone having to stand up so you can get passed.

SmilingButClueless · 04/02/2017 22:37

Penguin because I choose my seats very carefully and an unplanned disruption stresses me out.

Those are steps I take to manage my disability. I cannot cope with unexpected interruptions or people not abiding by social rules.

Normally it's not an issue. Because any disruptive people tend to just be ill-mannered.

But what you're saying is that the rights of one disabled person to make noise trump the rights of another disabled person who cannot tolerate interruption of change.

Why is my disability less worthy of consideration?

(In practice, it's only once been an issue. But it's a difficult area)

bonbonours · 04/02/2017 22:37

I totally support the right of a disabled person to watch a show and for reasonable allowances to be made for that if necessary. However, I don't think that a couple of disabled people's rights should be seen as more important than everyone else in the theatre's rights.

To the people saying 'if you don't like it leave' or 'oh well you'll have other chances to go to a show', well for us, going to a theatre show with a family of 5 would be a massive expensive treat we would have saved up for and would probably be to celebrate someone's birthday. I would therefore be extremely annoyed at a whole performance being ruined by others in the audience. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect to hear at least the vast majority of a show you've paid a lot of money for.

SmilingButClueless · 04/02/2017 22:38

And I don't go to standing music gigs - I'd never cope!

But the 'expected' theatre behaviour is different.

Lynnm63 · 04/02/2017 22:38

I have a dd with SN. I've not taken her to the theatre but we do go to the cinema regularly. Our cinema has kids club on a Saturday morning which is quite relaxed. She tends to chat through performances. I explain before we go that she has to be quiet and other people want to enjoy the film. If I was at a normal showing I would have taken her out if she'd been singing and annoying everyone around us mainly because it wouldn't be fun for me to have to deal with her and disapproving cinema/ theatre goers. YANBU imo.

MidniteScribbler · 04/02/2017 22:39

Noone would choose inclusion if it impacted on them so sometimes people need forced to accept it..

The difficulty with this is that someone who is visiting the theatre is going to have a very different perspective whilst at the theatre, to when they are in a restaurant, and a different perspective when on a bus, or at the hospital, or at the grocery store.

I find it difficult to judge too harshly someone who is upset with extremely loud and distracting noise that continues on throughout a theatre performance as I would someone who argues with their bus trip or grocery shopping being disturbed. Likewise, someone who says 'there has to be a better way to accommodate everyone' is not the same as someone saying 'these people should never be seen in public'.

PenguinRoar · 04/02/2017 22:39

letthirsty I hear you on that one.

Most theatres have had to make adaptations as they are old Victorian buildings. It's not easy.

The newer ones tend to be better but there is definitely opportunity to improve.

Attitude is Everything have great resources to help develop theatres and many are working with them to improve facilities.

Original poster
WildBelle · 04/02/2017 22:40

Moving wouldn't have helped. I spent the two halves of the performance in diagonally opposite parts of the theatre and the noises were very loud in both parts. I think everyone there would have been affected.

OP posts:
LouKout · 04/02/2017 22:42

I'm not really sure why threads about people with wheelchairs being refused access to bus as buggy users won't fold attract such ire towards the buggy user and acceptance that this is wrong, yet threads saying disabled patrons should be asked to leave theatre are ok. Interesting.

LouKout · 04/02/2017 22:44

Anyway, I think the Lowry have the right idea, although it will be unpopular. Equality is equal access.

Interesting discussion:)

PenguinRoar · 04/02/2017 22:44

smiling

I'm not clear.

What is it that you need to make a theatre experience possible? Do you communicate that to the venue, or ask for their support/assistance? Is that being heard or ignored?

PenguinRoar · 04/02/2017 22:48

lynn

Please do bring your DC. Theatres are wonderful, inclusive and supportive places for magical experiences, for everyone.

Please don't worry about complaints.. this thread is quite unlike the vast majority of feedback or comments I've ever heard in 20 years and probably 4000 shows.