AIBU regarding theatre experience?

[WildBelle]

I took my DDs to the theatre last night as a treat. I was up to my neck in uni work all xmas holidays so we didn't really go out and do much, so I got us tickets to see a show that I knew they'd both love. I hope I don't offend anyone with this post, I have a dd with a disability so that's the last thing I want to do.

Throughout the first half there was someone in the audience who kept singing happy birthday VERY loudly. This ramped up significantly in the second half, it was pretty much constant and very distracting, and then was accompanied by someone else who was making very loud noises (and sounded quite distressed). i am assuming that they were older children or adults with learning difficulties. Now don't get me wrong, I am completely behind the idea of people with disabilities having access to theatre or anything else, but in the second half particularly the noises coming from that direction were so loud that it was impossible to hear what was going on on stage.

If someone had a baby that was crying, they would have taken them out to avoid disturbing everyone else. I can't help thinking that the carers should have done something about it, particularly when it escalated in the second half. I personally feel disppointed that the show was ruined a bit by not being able to hear, as a single parent it's not something I can afford to do that often. There was probably getting on for 1000 people in the theatre and they would have all been affected by the noise levels.

I probably sound horrible and I really don't mean to, but AIBU?

Telling theatre-goers they should watch a DVD because they don't want the live performance disrupted is just absurd.

YANBU OP.

As a career, why would you stay at a performance with someone who was audibly unable to handle the situation? Used to drive me mad when I worked with adults with profound LD that we would have to take them to do endless activities that seemed to send their anxiety through the rough and had no evident benefit.

roof

It's a tricky one because it is lovely that disabled people are able to go out and have normal experiences like everyone else. But theatres are really a situation where the norm is to be quiet and other people making noise can really spoil your experience ( coughing, rattling snack wrappers, whispering, babies crying etc). And it isn't less annoying just because you know the person can't really help it. I was at a performance recently and there were a couple of people crying out at intervals, not all the time and it was ok, not that intrusive. But constant happy birthday would be irritating!

The performers are used to it, it happens all the time.

If relaxed performances are available, I don't see that there is anything discriminatory about asking someone to leave (at least temporarily) a non-relaxed, formal performance. Provided that anyone causing a disturbance (including significant coughing) was also asked.

While relaxed performances are great for some people, they aren't inclusive for others. For example, the hard of hearing or people who cannot cope with a lot of extraneous noise. A relative has ASD and can cope with/enjoy the theatre where attention is focused on the stage because he can prepare and focus for that. But talking or singing behind him would not just diminish his enjoyment but cause him distress. He cant go to immersive or in the round productions either.

Yes it must have been very distracting for the actors, though they all held it together very professionally. It was a musical suitable for children, so the bits with the songs weren't so bad as with the orchestra and singing the noises were mostly drowned out, but the bits in between were hard to hear.

Absolutely nothing wrong with asking

Speaking from an actor's perspective, it is distracting but you're trained to deal with audiences and any distractions.

The actors were amazing, 2 of the main characters were quite small children and they didn't bat an eyelid.

We had a very loud/shouting out hen night behind us at the theatre. People near them asked them (nicely) to quieten down. Staff came and asked them nicely, then warned them, then security came and told them in no uncertain terms to shut it or they would be removed. Occasional shouting/involuntary noises I would accept as part and parcel. Ongoing/constant shouting I would complain (well, probably not, but I would leave as it would stress me out). There needs to be consideration on both sides.

OP, there have been other very similar threads on here in the past and people have got their money back from theatres after an experience like yours. So it's worth a try.

Californian, what a ridiculous comment: If you don't want to run the risk of encountering this then you're probably better off at home watching a DVD rather than attending a live performance.

Do you really think if a family has paid £200 to watch a 2-hour show that it's OK for the show to be disrupted by anyone? Fuck that.

If anyone is repeatedly calling out or shouting out or making a noise, are they stressed by the show? How much are they benefiting from it? As well as discrupting everyone else. You have to think about the majority here, I'm afraid.

I didn't take my dc to the theatre until they were about 8 - old enough to sit still, not to need the loo, fidget or disrupt the show for other people.

Going to the theatre is not an essential life experience; and if you have a dc or are with someone who you think will be disruptive/stressed/not enjoy the show then relaxed showings are the only fair way to go - for everyone.

Jennifer I agree with you.
People shouldn't just be taken to activities because its the done thing.
They should go to things they enjoy.
I took my DS out of a youth group because they seemed to think being inclusive meant just doing what mainstream youth groups do.
Sometimes that is great but other times it was stupid.
Pretending someone is NT and doesn't have LDs doesn't make it so.

My DS would be really stressed by being expected to sit still and keep quite for 90 minutes particularly when there is a lot of sensory stuff going on and tons of people about. Uncomfortable seats and lots of noise etc.

I agree with everyone saying that the theatre shouldn't be asking anyone to leave. That would be awful. But the people accompanying someone making that level of noise needs to consider how much of that noise is down to distress/boredom etc.
It might be singing 'happy birthday loudly' is something that person does all the time in which case why on earth would they think going to see a play was a good idea?

I really don't mind noises, flapping, a bit of movement, shrieks etc. Continually singing loudly would be difficult to ignore though, even for the most tolerant of us, surely?

It might be worth pointing out that the OP may get some replies that seem overly hostile but please bear in mind that there is a history of nasty, goady, disablist threads on MN. People get fed up and react accordingly.

I have worked in theatre backstage and have been and seen most shows there are as a result. Actors very rarely get distracted by the audience noise and in fact Jason Manford raised this very issue last week in regards to Chitty.

audioboom.com/posts/5549103-the-jason-manford-show-chitty-chitty-bang-bang-and-the-magic-of-theatre

The main thing that distracts actors is phone lights, people don't realise how bright it is from the stage.

I have had plenty of NT people making noise and distracting audience members in the audience during shows including one couple who brought their child to see Joseph and then sat and chatted and kissed through the whole show.

Until theatres run proper and regular relaxed performances for every show I don't know what the answer is.

When I was a Special Needs teacher, we went to the pantomime (so 'relaxed'). For some pupils it was fine for 2 it was not and they went to the cafe with staff and had juice and a cake , which benefitted them more than being loud/distressed in the theatre. For in-school productions, pupils would leave if they were agitated/noisy, or sit on my knee with ear defenders, or watch through the glass panel in the door (quieter/less scary).

Letthirstydogs - that was what we went to see

This is something mumsnet completely changed my view on a few years ago with a very similar thread.

I would once have said that of course everybody should be able to go to a theatre show but that anybody causing a disturbance for whatever reason should leave.

But after that thread, I have decided that I think YABU.

1. You cannot compare a person with disabilities to a crying baby! The baby will grow up but the disabled person will have that disability forever - they shouldn't therefore be barred from something permanently. Plus a crying baby is distressed. These people sound like they were enjoying themselves.

2. The noise is a part of their disability. So, morally and by law, it should be accommodated.

3. Most importantly, you will probably have that one theatre experience ruined for you in your whole life. It is unlikely you will encounter the same situation again. But the disabled person encounters other people everywhere they go and they cannot change their behaviour. So, if they will always be asked to leave for upsetting someone different, then they can't ever go. So, although it really sucks for the people who get a poor experience once - it is only once.

If the show genuinely became unwatchable however, I do think the theatre should have been authorised to give free tickets to another performance to anyone who asked.

They probably did complain Dixie, but just didn't think to come and run their complaint past me first.

I went to seek a show at the Bristol Hippodrome last night. There was a person who sang extremely loudly all the way through the first half,
Some of the second half and someone had a screaming meltdown in the second half.

I believe the singing included happy birthday, jingle bells and something else.

I was in a box with my child who has Aspergers because he cannot
Cope being in the middle of people. By the second half he lost his temper and shouted down at them to shut up because it was making him very distressed.

There was a large group from a local special needs charity there. It was really badly handled by the organisers because it did massively impact on everyone else's enjoyment. It really did drown out the performance.

I'm a big believer in theatre being accessible to all. The Hippodrome is great for making reasonable adjustments and we go often. The management would not have asked them to leave because it would have been against the law.

However, the carers should have made more effort to manage the situation like I do with my child.

So if you were at Chitty Chitty Bang Bang last night, yes the situation was not acceptable but that was to do with the way the careers handled the situation. But it's not reasonable to stop people with disabilities going to the theatre.

I'm a lurker who registered to post this because I think I was at the same performance and get where the OP is coming from.

Toysaurus poor you and your poor son

Is there anything the management could have done do you think? Did you get a refund?

Someone singing Happy Birthday in the theatre whilst another performance is going on is not acceptable.

I've seen situations where people with disabilities have been taken to unsuitable activities which cause distress. I went to a concert where I was seated in the seat next to the accessible seating area. One person right next to me screamed in terror when the strobe lights flashed in our direction and would hit out, and at one point I got hit on the side of the head, very hard. I ended up getting up and spent the whole concert standing leaning on the balcony halfway up the back. Whilst people should be able to attend any venue, anything that causes distress and requires coping mechanisms which are going to significantly disrupt others or cause physical injury are not the right choice for that person.

YANBU OP. I think the onus should have been on the carers to manage the situation better. The odd shout-out is one thing, but making it impossible for every patron (who probably spent a lot on tickets) to hear the dialogue isn't fair.

I've also worked with adults with LD / severe mental health issues and we always used to take the needs of the public into consideration when planning excursions etc. I also think sometimes well-meaning carers, in their desire to be inclusive, put people with LD / severe mental health situations that are clearly inappropriate and often stressful for the individual concerned.

THERE ARE HARDLY ANY RELAXED THEATRE SHOWS

Shouting on purpose.

Our regional 1000 seat theatre does one relaxed panto show (on a school day) each year - that's it.

My middle son has been in several U.K. West End tours over several years. In all the tours he did there wasn't a single relaxed performance - so his learning disabled brother could not see him.

They West End theatres do very very occasional relaxed performances (the lion king has them rarely).

Yes relaxed performances are a great idea - but THERE ARE HARDLY ANY.