AIBU regarding theatre experience?

[WildBelle]

I took my DDs to the theatre last night as a treat. I was up to my neck in uni work all xmas holidays so we didn't really go out and do much, so I got us tickets to see a show that I knew they'd both love. I hope I don't offend anyone with this post, I have a dd with a disability so that's the last thing I want to do.

Throughout the first half there was someone in the audience who kept singing happy birthday VERY loudly. This ramped up significantly in the second half, it was pretty much constant and very distracting, and then was accompanied by someone else who was making very loud noises (and sounded quite distressed). i am assuming that they were older children or adults with learning difficulties. Now don't get me wrong, I am completely behind the idea of people with disabilities having access to theatre or anything else, but in the second half particularly the noises coming from that direction were so loud that it was impossible to hear what was going on on stage.

If someone had a baby that was crying, they would have taken them out to avoid disturbing everyone else. I can't help thinking that the carers should have done something about it, particularly when it escalated in the second half. I personally feel disppointed that the show was ruined a bit by not being able to hear, as a single parent it's not something I can afford to do that often. There was probably getting on for 1000 people in the theatre and they would have all been affected by the noise levels.

I probably sound horrible and I really don't mean to, but AIBU?

Yes a straight forward solution really Devilish. We went to Lazy Town somewhere years ago and they had screens along a wall in the cafe area playing the show; so those with toddlers who were getting bored or restless or hungry could come out and have a drink while the older ones could still watch the show on the screens until they settled.

I would be very grateful for these rather than dd losing her temper at someone tall/rattling wrappers/talking etc to remove her from the situation and provide a snack.

Not sure why the need for the rolly eyed face, I was telling my personal experience and that there needs to be more special needs entertainment in place otherwise people can feel trapped in the house either as adults or those with SN children

The rolly eyes face was to me. Because she thinks its fine and not disablist to forbid kids with LDs who make noise from going to theatre and I disagree.

Where did I say it was fine to forbid kids from going to the theatre? I didn't. you need to Calm down. One person spoiling it for everyone is not acceptable. That IS NOT THE SAME as saying that children with Sen shouldn't go to the theatre or should be forbidden.
Do you see the difference? 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Or are you determined to be angry and offended by every reasonable suggestion.

There are going to be difficulties when different needs conflict. DN has autism, he loves the theatre, and he knows the "rules".

If the girl had been singing near to us he would have told her to be quiet because you are meant to be quiet in the theatre. He's done it to NT people sitting near us making a noise. He's very polite and says please but is persistent. He wouldn't get upset about it but would be annoyed and would repeatedly tell her to stop it.

Just like the little boy mentioned he wouldn't be able to put up with the rule breaking and singing over what should be being heard. I live in some dread of something like this happening, we take him to the theatre a few times a year. I don't think we'd try to persuade him to leave if it happened, though. Although it would be uncomfortable for everyone.

I am actually wondering if the Mum in the OP is on this thread after reading her latest comments on FB...

January, according to loukout your son shouldn't be enjoying the theatre but should be staying at home.
Outrageous.

Right. Yes i said that. Yawn

When goaders and stirrers arrive on the thread its time for the hide button. Good luck everyone :)

Mouldy, what you are saying is that some people with disabilities, the ones that can't be quiet, shouldn't go to the theatre.

He's our nephew, not our son, and I don't believe Loukout said that. I think we are all trying to grope our way to some sort of consensus.

Yes I feel she probably has letthirstydogs and i feel really upset for her, the comments on Jason manfords pages by members of the public on the SN post are wayyyyy more understanding and lovely so I hope she will take them much more to heart then this thread.

I've said previously in this thread and I've said to mnhq that I think the spirit of this thread is off, it's not a general talk about the issue of noise in theatre or SN involuntary noise in theatre, it started off about one identifiable child and her mother and their actions of simply going to a theatre (after the lead actor gave interview, Facebook, twitter post saying those with SN who make involuntary boises are welcome) which seems totally unfair and not in the spirit of mumsnet.

I have AS and am very noise-sensitive. I'd have had to leave if I'd been attending the performance in the OP - but I'm just as likely to be bothered by NT people making noise and causing disturbance during a performance. I know that I have this difficulty and never go to theatre/cinema without making sure that I have an aisle seat and can get up and leave if needed. I'd probably feel more comfortable in the former case, because I could explain it to myself as 'the person making noise has a disability' rather than 'the person making noise is deliberately breaking social rules.'

The only thing I will say is that it isn't as simple as coming back another time if I had a bad experience - I'd be so anxious about it possibly happening again that I wouldn't be able to revisit that venue. I know that this is irrational! But that's what anxiety is like sometimes.

I think this thread proves that it's impossible to meet everyone's needs all of the time! I think the idea of 'relaxed' performances is a very good one, but they should be advertised as such - it wouldn't be the right environment for me, or a few other posters on this thread, but would be perfect for others.

All seems a bit of a storm in a teacup TBH.

The number of times that a disabled person makes that much noise in the theatre to actually ruin it for everyone present must be vanishingly small. (occasional noises are fine and I don't see anyone on this thread saying they would be annoyed by that). If it happens you can always ask for a free ticket or a refund.Most people will not be emotionally scarred for life by one ruined performance.

The number of times you get disturbed by some idiot who can't survive an hour without loudly crunching sweet papers, sending texts or doing myriad other annoying things - well for me that's about 50:50 and far more of a problem especially as it makes me really angry that they are so inconsiderate whereas a disabled person making noise doesn't make me angry so I am much less bothered by it.

Unfortunately there's no way round the fact that for our society to become more inclusive (which benefits the parents and families of the disabled as well), the rest of us will have to learn to take certain inconveniences in our stride. IMO we should be glad to do so and not let things get to us to the point that a disturbed night in the theatre is such a huge deal.

I'm going to try explaining this again now that I'm calmer.

I do not go to the theatre or the cinema. I cannot go to the theatre or the cinema because I find any background noise distracting and often even distressing which could result in me having a meltdown.

Dismissing what I go through as just me being sound sensitive is hurtful. As is saying people who find noises distressing are 'special snowflakes' or 'have a problem'.

Finding background noises distressing does not make me a 'special snowflake'. It means I have sensory issues due to my disability.

Meant to say as well that people suggesting i go to a different showing and other suggestions (although kindly meant) do not help me.

I want to watch films at the cinema but i can't. That's just life.

Yes letthirsty- I've never felt able to take ds1 to the theatre but I would have taken him to see a screened in the foyer showing of ds2 :) That would work for us.

the rest of us will have to learn to take certain inconveniences in our stride. IMO we should be glad to do so
Missing the point that some of us permanently have to put up with the "inconveniences" (and they're a darn sight more than that) because no-one is willing to put us first at all. [bangingheadagainstwall]

Because she thinks its fine and not disablist to forbid kids with LDs who make noise from going to theatre and I disagree.

You are making some blanket statements that are unreasonable. Nobody anywhere has said children who have LDs should be forbidden from going to the theatre.

What people have, repeatedly, said is that if someone is causing such an active disturbance to the point that other patrons cannot concentrate enough follow/hear/enjoy the show then need to stop or leave, regardless of whether it is someone NT or with LDs. It's not something I enjoy or particularly like but I expect a bit of reasonable disturbance (coughing/sniffling/the odd bit of murmur/the odd phone vibrating/singing along to musicals/rustling from sweets etc) when there are hundreds or even thousands of other people in the same room as me. Nobody can reasonably expect deathly silence for the entire two/three hour show, but at the same time nobody expects to hear an audience member singing/shouting for the entire two/three hour show either.

Unfortunately that will mean that the theatre is not an appropriate setting to take some people with LDs, or only for certain types of show (eg I would expect a musical to be a bit more relaxed and accommodating to audience noise than an opera or serious play would be) Should they be able to access those shows, yes of course they should and in an ideal world we should all be able to do whatever we want, whenever we want but that isn't the case. Should they/their carers also consider the impact of their attendance on all of the other patrons? Yes, I think they should.

My teenage cousin has serious, life threatening, food allergies, so whenever we take him anywhere we risk assess every venue individually - should he be able to go to any restaurant/cafe and order food without worrying there may be undisclosed ingredients/cross contamination in the kitchen? Yes we should, but we also accept that except in an ideal world that is never going to happen, so we take appropriate action - check menus before we go, call the restaurant to let them know of his allergies, stick to foods he knows are unlikely to contain the allergens and carry an epi-pen just in case. Even with all of those precautions, there are some restaurants he has accepted he will never be able to go to because the risk is just too high for him ending up in hospital, unless the restaurant deep cleaned everything before his visit, took certain popular dishes off the menu etcetc which would be huge requests to ask of them. It's disappointing that he misses out but he accepts that whilst he could ask the restaurant to make those adjustments to accommodate him, it would be unreasonable to do so.

Choosing not to go somewhere because it is too risky for you is different from being told you cannot go somewhere.

There is not the same sense of 'people like you are not allowed here' which people with learning difficulties encounter pretty much anytime they go out in public.

It may sound harsh but it's just the way it is I'm afraid. Theatres can deal with drunk people making a disturbance during a performance but there's absolutely nothing they can do about disabled people making noise.

What utter rubbish.

So because I have a disability the next time I go to the theatre I can disturb everyone?

I do believe in access to theaters and cinemas but I also realise that some performances / screenings are more suitable for some people than others.

If I couldn't control noise then I would go to the performance that was more relaxed.

There should be more performances that have audio description/sign language interpreting/relaxed performances etc and I know that touring shows in particular would find this difficult.

I agree with melj - different types of show can have different expectations of behaviour. But these should be made clear during booking so that everyone knows the score. More info would help everyone (I tend to rant a lot about how much better communications would improve accessibility for all sorts of disabled and other people).

So booking for a musical could specify that matinées and say Tuesday evenings are likely to have more audience noise and humming along. Other evening performances are for people who want to listen to the performance as staged and patrons are asked to be quiet, not sing along, or disrupt other theatre-goers with rustling packets or using phones or tablets, and people making a disturbance may be made to leave.

I've been in the theatre before where a man with a bad cough was asked to leave. Actually it turned out there was an empty box so they moved him and companion there. I went to thank the usher (and confirm their infra-red sound system still didn't work - it was during a period when I went to see about a dozen shows free as their sound systems never worked) and they said if there hadn't been a box free, they'd have been asked to sit on the staff flip seat at the back, so the rest of the audience could hear better.

The performances of this musical were promoted as SN friendly specifically targeted at those who make involuntary noises, from the lead actor (presumably with the OK of the production company) on Facebook, twitter and in a radio show who encouraged people to come along