AIBU regarding theatre experience?

[WildBelle]

I took my DDs to the theatre last night as a treat. I was up to my neck in uni work all xmas holidays so we didn't really go out and do much, so I got us tickets to see a show that I knew they'd both love. I hope I don't offend anyone with this post, I have a dd with a disability so that's the last thing I want to do.

Throughout the first half there was someone in the audience who kept singing happy birthday VERY loudly. This ramped up significantly in the second half, it was pretty much constant and very distracting, and then was accompanied by someone else who was making very loud noises (and sounded quite distressed). i am assuming that they were older children or adults with learning difficulties. Now don't get me wrong, I am completely behind the idea of people with disabilities having access to theatre or anything else, but in the second half particularly the noises coming from that direction were so loud that it was impossible to hear what was going on on stage.

If someone had a baby that was crying, they would have taken them out to avoid disturbing everyone else. I can't help thinking that the carers should have done something about it, particularly when it escalated in the second half. I personally feel disppointed that the show was ruined a bit by not being able to hear, as a single parent it's not something I can afford to do that often. There was probably getting on for 1000 people in the theatre and they would have all been affected by the noise levels.

I probably sound horrible and I really don't mean to, but AIBU?

Im sorry you have experienced that Missada

This thread proves your point.hooefully things will change one day.

WorridMum said "While I agree that people with LD should not be asked to leave I do expect that people experence that could of been effected to get a refund or other tickets even if that means everyone in the room gets a refund."

That's totally impossible. The Hippodrome in Bristol seats around 2,000, I believe. If it was as loud and distracting as OP and others have said, can you imagine how much it would cost to refund huge numbers of people? And who would pay it - the theatre or the company staging the show? Neither can probably afford to do so (I work in theatre, I know about how tight margins are, that's why tickets are the price they are). Offering seats for another performance would still hit their pocket to an unreasonable extent and in many cases wouldn't work - the show may only be there for a week or two if touring, you have travel costs involved potentially.

Simply wouldn't work to refund large numbers of tickets.

Lou I think you are being unfair.

I am not NT and neither is my child. If my child became distressed at the continued shouting out of someone and we had to leave she would be hysterical. She should absolutely have the chance to move to a place that might cause her less distress or try another night. Just as the person with more severe LD has a right to adjustments to attend a show comfortably.

That does not mean I think the person shouting out should be removed/moved or carers spoken to. They should absolutely be left and the person complaining dealt with entirely separately.

The theatre is very expensive. It is a one off treat to a lot of people and not money they can afford to just suck up or pay to come back. As I said my terminal condition Mum is attending a show she wants to see 'one last time' on Saturday. She has a child , grandchild and neice who are not NT but would still be very upset if she was unable to watch the show. I know for a fact she wouldn't complain but would be devastated.

I think there's a huge difference between kicking off at the theatre because someone is involuntarily making noise and demanding they are spoken to which is awful and calmly asking if you could please sit elsewhere because you can't hear the show.
I'm not sure why that second situation is so bad.

And I say that as someone who has been complained about in the theatre because of dd.

I would much rather people had done the second than sit there seething at me!
And as I've said before it is usually NT people who cause dd distress at shows and I have never had a person with LD disturb me during a show in the eight years I have been involved in theatre.

we are talking about NT people complaining because of the money though.

it has been done to death now though. Have said my piece :) Happy to agree to differ with you as well.

Sorry just to add that fully accept that as I have said before that moving seats or re issuing tickets might physically not be possible.

I have to say though in general with a show like Chitty I think you have to be realistic. It is aimed at families and has a fairly low acceptance age so I would expect a lot of children and noise just as I would at a panto. The music is very loud and there isn't a great deal of dialogue to follow so it isn't a massive issue if you miss something that has been said.

We had a hen do and a group of tipsy loud singing off key friends at the back of us and it wasn't really an issue.

I called Lou out on her disabilism earlier in the thread letthirsty and basically got told to shut up.

It's attitudes like the ones expressed on this thread that make me hate myself and send my anxiety skyrocketing every time I leave the house.

People like me aren't important. We don't matter. I get it.

Anyway I'm going on a bit, you won't have to worry people like me (or even just me) getting in your way any more because this will be my last post on MN. So sick of all the bloody disabilism being tossed around and nothing being done about it.

It's been a nice few years and thanks and good luck to everyone on MN who has helped me

no, you invented some disablism from me which wasn't there in attempt to have a bunfight. Thanks.

Bye

One last thing before I go; to whoever said it's people like me who "have a problem", no it's really not. It's all the judgmental nasty twats who have the problem, not me. You know the people who call me a 'weirdo' and a 'freak'. I'd say they were the ones with the problems...not me.

Removing myself from a situation to stop me having a meltdown is not me being 'bothered' or 'having a problem'. Very often it's about me making sure I don't ruin someone else's experience. It's not just about being noise sensitive, it's about certain noises causing me physical pain and causing me to have a meltdown.

I have empathy for a lot of people, including those with severe SN/LD's....that's why I always let them and everyone else be and deal with my own issues myself. This is despite being autistic, you know, the ones who supposedly aren't very good with empathy....

Anyway goodbye and good luck

The child and her mother would never have known, so how can that be mean spirited?
I ageee with this (in terms of asking for a refund), no one should be asked to leave a place because of a disability imho, but I think it's fair a refund is offered if asked for. I don't go out the house really, but if I went to something like this and my flapping and noises meant they didn't have as much enjoyment i think if they quietly asked for a refund or something that would be ok.

What I do think is mean spirited and I've said this before in the thread but I think it's worth saying again, it would be incredibly mean spirited
To let's say start a mumsnet thread that went into detail describing the stims so that the child and mother was easily identifiable (rather then a more general thread) and a 20+page thread emerged on mumsnet with some people saying some offensive things and basically suggesting they stay at home when it's so identifiable is shit, for both anyone reading this to easily find the mother, or the mother if she read it. I think how identifying this about one particular child and mother is pretty crap tbh.

I'm on the fence... Very difficult because on one hand someone with SN should be able to experience theater, on the other hand

Very different to the wheelchair vs buggy, because folding your buggy won't prevent you from traveling, and even waiting for the next bus is free of charge and a minor inconvenience (not comparable to ££ spend on a theater evening - even if tickets are refunded, you might have spent money on babysitting, taxi...)

Also the argument that "you are only inconvenienced once, someone with SN might be asked to leave all the time" does not stand for me. I have been to the theater maybe 3 times in my life, never to the Opera. I suspect a lot of people go there only as a one off for a special occasion, so they should be allowed to enjoy the show this one time.

Just thinking out loud, what if you had to "declare" when booking your ticket that your party might disturb the enjoyment of others (because of noise caused by SN, not because you intend to talk loudly on the phone obvs).
The theater would then have to disclose this information to others booking the same show and would give them the option of canceling their booking.

it is frustrating when the only adaptations and adjustments for autism seem to be for people, mainly children, who fit into a particular autism 'type'.

People with LD who make loud noises are always going to be noticed in a theatre, and considered by some to be 'socially unacceptable'
This is going to colour each and every time they visit. There will never be a time when they don't draw attention to themselves.

An autistic person with sensitivity to loud noise is invisible and will not be getting any negative attention from others, will not be disturbing anyone else and to all intents and purposes is an ordinary audience member so will not be subjected to stares and tuts from the outset, and so I believe might be more likely to have an uneventful theatre visit.

I'm not sure now where I'm going with this, it's a quagmire.

but the provision only works for people with certain needs, not for everyone with autism

But if someone has noise sensitivity, they are more likely to have a good experience at a regular performance - the relaxed performance is not for them. Am I missing something?
I'm the mother of a noisy, hooty, happy DD with SN.

But if someone has noise sensitivity, they are more likely to have a good experience at a regular performance

I really do give up.

Anyway I'm defiantly going now. I fear I might end up banging my head repeatedly against the wall if I stay.

Kinda off topic... but for those with SN/kids with SN who want to try a theatre experience - I can recommend the globe theatre in London - they are having relaxed performances for all productions this summer (I know only one per production but it's a start). BUT there are a variety of seating options (boxes, bench seats, and standing). Standing tickets are only a fiver so really cheap. PLUS even for "formal" performances people can come and go as they want (and really do even to get a few pints!).

To be honest if you're unable to tolerate the noises from people with LD's (for whatever reason) if you avoid a musical matinee then you are pretty much guaranteeing it's not going to be a issue.

I would be stunned if someone with LD's was at an opera - which is a whole other thread in itself.

It would be very rare for someone with severe LD's to be at an evening show because their care packages do not usually cover getting out in the evening.

It would be very rare for someone with severe LD's to be at an evening show because their care packages do not usually cover getting out in the evening
I mean this in a friendly way, and you do have a valid point, but not all children/adults with LD have supported living packages - lots live at home with their parents. And even if they don't live with parents they do have them and their parents take them out.
I generally wouldn't take my dd to a theatre in the evening however, unless it's a tribute band where her noise gets lost in the racket coming from the stage. And the audience is usually whooping in the quiet bits anyway.

I really do give up

Genuine apologies if my comments seemed obtuse.
I meant that a regular performance will generally have fewer noisy interruptions than a relaxed performance. I don't imagine it would solve
the problem for everyone with noise sensitivity.

Well this is embarrassing. Must make a mental note to not post on threads like this when upset
I'm making a mental note not to even read threads like this at any time. Apparently my needs, as someone (one of many so it seems) with Asperger's who struggles with noise and wouldn't cope being in a theatre performance etc. where there is a lot of unexpected noise, are completely irrelevant. How is that being inclusive?

I am the parent of an adult with severe learning disabilities. As you said you generally wouldn't take your dd to the theatre in the evening. Which was my point (I CBA to get into what families did as most of the complaints about groups of people with LD's on this thread also mentioned useless carers, or carers more interested in seeing the show).

I have only ever seen people with LD's at matinees for musicals - and I go to the theatre a lot - matinees & evening shows, low & high brow.

'An autistic person with sensitivity to loud noise is invisible and will not be getting any negative attention from others, will not be disturbing anyone else and to all intents and purposes is an ordinary audience member so will not be subjected to stares and tuts from the outset'

Not strictly true, when my dd becomes bothered by noise (regularly from NT people) she becomes agitated, fidgety, gets very cross, will verbally express her distress and generally loudly comment about noisy or drunk NT person and get increasingly agitated until she blows.

Usually is it is a non NT person or child and I explain she is okay because she understands WHY they are making noise.

Annoying NT people being thoughtless get the full wrath.

We then become the people that are stared and tutted at.

I do try and avoid matinees as she does not particularly like other children however the flip side of that is hen do and works parties and adult birthday parties.

Again I do not know what the answer is.

If people were approaching those with noise sensitivities and complaining or asking them to leave we would be equally horrified.

Not sure why people are being wilfully obtuse here.

The point is not about people leaving, its about people expecting others to leave.

It's getting a bit silly.