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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Oh holy fuck I need to move house immediately. And change my name and possibly have facial surgery.

453 replies

EssieTregowan · 03/02/2017 10:23

We live in a detached house. There is a small row of terraced 'starter' houses opposite (this is relevant).

I can back from the school run to find a hand delivered card on the mat to 'Rebecca'. Rebecca lives opposite in one of the terraces, but I couldn't remember which one.

Anyway, I've just seen her pull in so I dashed out the front to hand it to her. She apologised for the inconvenience and I laughed and said 'no worries, who ever it was obviously thought you were better off than you are!'

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

I just went all shivery as soon as I said it and turned round and ran indoors. Oh my god what must she think of me?

I have often crippling social anxiety and often blurt out stuff without thinking but this has to be my worst ever.

Kill me now. It would be a kindness.

OP posts:
unlucky83 · 04/02/2017 17:10

yy to unexplained
My latest one was I had to be weighed as part of a medical thing...long story but the receptionist was there as a 'chaperone' - she was extremely overweight - must have been pushing being morbidly obese, if not already there.
I am aware that I am fatter than I have ever been, I am just verging on having an obese BMI - felt awkward about the whole thing - and said something about how hideously fat I was - then realised that wasn't the most tactful thing to say in front of someone with a bigger problem than me ...but I just couldn't stop banging on about it...then trying to back track etc....(said I guess it could be worse... cringe) Blush
The other time was in a meeting - I had to give a report on the finances - one of the people there was late paying - the only one who hadn't paid (had just forgotten and didn't get the chance to remind them before ). I thought whatever I do not to look at them as I said it...I said it and looked straight at them...luckily they (and everyone else ) thought it was funny rather than embarrassing...

a1poshpaws · 04/02/2017 17:46

Oh. No. You poor soul!!!!!! I'm laughing, but I truly feel for you too. I think CharlieDimmocksbosoms has it right - the note, the invitation and who knows, maybe you'll end up with a new friend out of all the embarrassment.

Chocwocdoodah · 04/02/2017 17:52

Oh you poor thing - I completely get this. I wouldby describe myself as socially awkward or anything but I do find myself being a bit......tourette-y sometimes. It's like in my head, I'll think "hmm, what's the most inappropriate thing I could sat right now" and out it comes!

A good example is when I met my friend's new baby and she told me they'd picked a middle name and I said in a stupid, jokey way "Let me guess, something really naff like Vera" knowing full well that was her mother's name......and indeed that was the name she'd chosen!!! Wtf did I say that??!!

Chocwocdoodah · 04/02/2017 17:53

wouldnt not wouldby

iMogster · 04/02/2017 17:55

I was at my friend's house (5 bed detached) having coffee and chat. A copy of a free glossy magazine came through the door called Surrey life. I said 'Oh I don't get that come through my door'. She said it only gets delivered to the big posh homes as the stuff inside is very expensive. Shock
Pause. Then went on chatting as normal.

For me the worst part of that comment was the fact she meant it and thought nothing more about it.
OP you are mortified by the comment and I think going over and talking it through will make it ok.

Excited101 · 04/02/2017 17:56

Oh god poor you! I have foot in mouth a lot too, I can empathise!
I hope she responds well to the note.

libbyb · 04/02/2017 18:13

Newt I said something similar to our neighbour when meeting his new DS for the first time: Oh my god - he looks just like you!!! He's so handsome - errr - not that I think you're handsome!!! >_< then I dried up entirely :-(

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 04/02/2017 18:21

Can you spin around in circles on the floor with both feet in your mouth?

hamster1 · 04/02/2017 18:44

ha ha - the one you said to the young guy - that's even funnier! Creepy and insulting as you say. Brilliant!! Love you!

Pennina · 04/02/2017 19:01

This has made me laugh so much! Hope all goes well with the note. It reminds me of a time when someone actually did that to me. A neighbour of our's was having a party and afterwards we walked along our road back home with another couple who we didn't know that well. They lived a couple of miles away but had parked almost outside our house. As we got to our house she turned around and said to us " i'm so surprised that the Joneses ( not their real name) would want to live in such a shabby road as this, aren't you?", "not really" we said, "that's our house over there, we are very happy here ". At which point she literally screamed and jumped in her car and drove off! We were not remotely offended as we realised she just said something potty. She's really a lovely person and it just came out wrong. In all honestly the Joneses were the type of family that you would assume lift somewhere posher than they do. After that we got to know each other better and are now good friends.

5moreminutes · 04/02/2017 19:01

libbyb your comment about your neighbour and his son reminds me of a nursery mum a couple of years ago who was admiring my then 3 yo DS's hair and eyes and funny antics (in the way lots of people do because pretty much all 3 year olds have big eyes and non horrible hair and cute ways and most people enjoy hearing their children gushed over)

but then she turned to him on the climbing frame just above our eye line and said with a big grin "I'm going to marry you, you know" Shock then went red and said "When you're grown up I mean" Shock and then scurried to her car... Shock Grin

AtrociousCircumstance · 04/02/2017 19:26

I think, like many other PPs, that this blurted comment reflects how you really feel. For instance it wouldn't occur to me to describe a terraced house as a 'starter house'.

I wondered if there was something about 'Rebecca' that makes you feel threatened, and subconsciously you felt the desire to counterbalance that?

Daydream007 · 04/02/2017 19:27

Bless you if only Rebecca knew you were so harmless and didn't mean to offend!

NoToast · 04/02/2017 19:36

Urggh, I'm socially inept I've had some right how

There was a girl I was in a an activity group with that I was really intimidated by. Was at her house when she said, she thought she recognised my jumper and had given it to a charity shop (no shame in this we were all punk/crusty types). I actually lifted it to my nose, sniffed and said at least it didn't smell.

threelittlerapscallions · 04/02/2017 19:37

Eek even I would not say that and I can say some awful things without thinking (usually related to thinking people are older than they are or pregnant when they are not)! However to comfort you if you had said that to me I would give you another chance and not be offended unless you continued to say mean things!!!!

Original poster
EssieTregowan · 04/02/2017 19:39

Re the 'starter home' thing. It's a new build estate. Those houses were marketed as starter homes. Ours, cringingly enough, was marketed as an 'Executive home'. It's just terminology.

OP posts:
Eveninties · 04/02/2017 19:41

That sounds exactly like something I would say.. In my head that sounded like you were trying to say something nice, like it's a compliment that people think she looks rich. I say these awful things too and don't hear it til after I've said them.

angeldelightedme · 04/02/2017 20:21

With the possible exemption of pleading Tourettes, I don't know what you could say that wouldn't make things worse.

Bobbi73 · 04/02/2017 20:37

Take a bottle of wine over, apologise and explain that you have crippling social anxiety which makes you say the wrong thing. Hopefully she'll invite you in to share it and you can laugh about it. I also occasionally say the wrong thing but this is impressive 😀

HoHumming · 04/02/2017 21:21

Li really doubt the OP feels 'threatened'by Rebecca. She already said she blurts out the wrong things when she feels self conscious. Loads of people have said they do the same. Can the amateur psychoanalysis stop!

thenightsky · 04/02/2017 21:29

This reminds me of a similar situation with DH and new neighbours

NN: Oh we love this house, so glad we moved here.

DH: Oh we looked at that one first but discounted as it was too pokey (he then did a fake shudder thing)

Me (quickly): God Sake DH, why do you always remember that shit little house we looked at in next village. We never even stepped foot in NN's one!

mygorgeousmilo · 04/02/2017 21:52

Agghhh this is making me curl up in awkward agony! But, I think if you do a note saying 'sorry I'm a twit' like PP have said, it may be salvageable. I have a (now) great friend with one leg. When first introduced about 15 years ago, I just blurted out - "where's your other leg?", I immediately realised what a cunt from hell I sounded like and instead of sorting it immediately I just sort of quickly turned and busied myself with other people and tried to bury the burning shame. Next time all the same people got together, our other mutual friend says something along the lines of "mygorgeous asking M where his leg was has to be one of THE most hilarious and awkward things that anyone has ever asked anyone..." all I could say to him was it was like Tourette's or something, it just came out without my control, I'm sorry for being a dick. He was totally cool about it and accepted my crap apology gracefully. We all just moved on from the awkward phase, followed by everyone including my 'victim' joining in with the jokes and laughter, it all turned into a big joke from then on. Whenever we get together now everyone shouts "where's your leg??!!" To him when I get there. All in good fun Shock btw now that he is my friend, I'm so glad we got past me being a prize idiot because he's quite frankly an amazing human being, his job is probably THE most fascinating of anyone I know, his wife and kids are a joy to be around, and he's got a great sense of humour. I'm so glad I didn't manage to ruin it from that wanky first meeting.

dailybabystuff · 04/02/2017 22:15

This is the weekend when you instigate some new local traditions such as dropping off newly baked cakes and casseroles to new neighbours or new parents or the lame/halt/sick, organising a midsummer street party, a school run and babysitting circle and a jovial front garden competition judged by a local celebrity, hilariously volunteering to be Santa at the Christmas party you organised etc etc. This, EssieTregowan, is the weekend everything changed in your street just because of your awful moment, and in 10 years time you will find yourself nominated for an OBE because of your tireless work in pulling together a once shy and separated community into a great big camera-pulls-out Richard Curtis style vision of joyous, cutely disparate and at the same time loveably supportive quirky British life, and the final cut will be you walking down that street meeting, hugging and tearfully kissing loving and grateful neighbours. All of them.
Except Rebecca.

Amandahugandkisses · 04/02/2017 22:21

My mother does this all the time! She honestly doesn't mean it from her heart but it sounds so awful. She once said to her neighbour and friend;
"Jenny just had her nose done but to be fair her nose was really big, it was worse than yours!"

She also, upon meeting a couple for the first time said; "and this must be your Mother! hello pleased to meet you "
" er no it's my wife"

To my FIL who had just lost his wife;
" I'm so sorry about Maureen, she was just about to finish making those beautiful curtains for my house too."
I mean honestly these awful things just pop out of her mouth. My poor Dad has mastered the thousand yard stare.

sdaisy26 · 04/02/2017 22:23

Oh you poor thing! I'm sorry but it is very funny in a really terrible sort of way.

Seriously, though, we all say stupid stuff sometimes. If someone said something like that to me I'd go home to h, we'd have a good laugh about it and then I'd dine out on the story for ages. And I live in a terraced house (and don't feel at all insecure about it / not happy with my lot because...why would I?!).