Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Oh holy fuck I need to move house immediately. And change my name and possibly have facial surgery.

453 replies

EssieTregowan · 03/02/2017 10:23

We live in a detached house. There is a small row of terraced 'starter' houses opposite (this is relevant).

I can back from the school run to find a hand delivered card on the mat to 'Rebecca'. Rebecca lives opposite in one of the terraces, but I couldn't remember which one.

Anyway, I've just seen her pull in so I dashed out the front to hand it to her. She apologised for the inconvenience and I laughed and said 'no worries, who ever it was obviously thought you were better off than you are!'

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

I just went all shivery as soon as I said it and turned round and ran indoors. Oh my god what must she think of me?

I have often crippling social anxiety and often blurt out stuff without thinking but this has to be my worst ever.

Kill me now. It would be a kindness.

OP posts:
blueirishues · 03/02/2017 16:27

Yes, I get that. But clearly capes found it funny, on some level, and that's the disquiet i have with these sorts of threads. They turn in no time at all into a roaring pisstake of poor people, disabled people, Muslim people, Chinese people, old people, black people. And it's not funny. It's rude.

LoisEinhorn · 03/02/2017 16:28

After a film my friend was saying how lovely the leading man was then added, someone like that would never go for her. I said 'dont be daft you see some really lovely men with some horrible women'

Urgh. She found it funny and laughed more when I tried to dig myself out of the crater I dug.

We're still friends and loves bringing it up

NotYoda · 03/02/2017 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NoCapes · 03/02/2017 16:31

blue where did I say I found it funny?
And no 80's I'd barely even looked at the guy before I said it, but when I noticed his arms I wanted the ground to swallow me up, and in sure people around me were Shock & Hmm! (I didn't stick around to see, I sped off into the darkness of screen 4 as fast as my feet could carry me!)

Fontella · 03/02/2017 16:32

Just thought of another one ...

In my early 20s I used to have a weekly night out with the girls and we would take turns to drive. When it was my week I used to go and pick one friend up and she was never ready, so I always ended up having to wait 15 or 20 minutes or so with her mum. Never got invited upstairs to friend's bedroom - explained away by the 'renovations' and stuff being all over the place.

I would usually wait in the hall or kitchen, and the place was in a perpetual state of 'being decorated'. They'd bought a 1930s doer upper, that obviously hadn't been touched for years. They were clearly taking their time and the decorating paraphernalia was everywhere - never moved from week to week, very little progress made, half stripped walls, partially rubbed down paint work. Nothing much ever seemed to change and this went on for months if not years.

Her mum was a strange quiet woman and conversation was always a bit awkward. She would attempt to make small talk, and it would mostly be about the renovations/decorating, how they were getting on, how awful the house was when they bought it and why they wanted to change it. I was always relieved when friend eventually came downstairs and we could go. There was a dad around somewhere and a brother I think, but I don't remember them, just the mum.

Anyway, on this particular occasion, friend was taking longer than usual, and her mother obviously got fed up of making small talk with me in the hall, so asked if I wanted to go and sit in the lounge with her where she was watching something on the telly, that I had obviously interrupted. I went in to this floral horror of a room - garish wallpaper, horrible carpet, mismatched curtains etc - and you've probably guessed it ....

"Crikey, after seeing this room, I can totally understand why you want to decorate" ... says I, or words to that effect. I think I might have laughed as well at the awfulness of it. Confused

"Actually", says the mother "this room is the only one we have finished!".

Try backtracking from that!

Katy07 · 03/02/2017 16:34

I don't think it's a conspiracy Bluntness. It's more - 'I said something that is both rude and really rather spiteful' (remember OP said specifically that Rebecca didn't have much money, or words to that effect) and - what? I'm not sure. Justifying it?
This just goes to show that while plenty of us have opened mouth and inserted foot (or sometimes feet) and said something completely by shameful accident that could be misconstrued, others manage to have the same effect deliberately. Hmm

tobecontinued2000 · 03/02/2017 16:34

I was at a funeral (cremation) and made a comment on how my husband cremates food at home.

I felt awful.

Don't worry OP, saying stupid things happens.

Katy07 · 03/02/2017 16:35

I think they actually turn into a roaring pisstake of ourselves blueirish. But I feel offended on my behalf if that makes you feel better. Confused

blueirishues · 03/02/2017 16:37

I hid the thread Yoda. Is it still running? :)

Do I have to name change so I am not reminded of my crime every time I post on mumsnet? Bit daft.

capes it was shared here and was meant as, I thought, a funny anecdote. The thing was in itself it was harmless. Either ignore or say 'sorry, didn't notice.' It was clear you were being metaphorical and not literal.

However I do feel that these threads often take on an unpleasant tone.

And I feel I can say that, even if my friends daughter once opened a door and a cyclist fell off his bike.

blueirishues · 03/02/2017 16:37

I'm not offended Katy. I just don't like it.

NoCapes · 03/02/2017 16:40

Nope I still didn't find it funny, or share it because I found it funny

I thought this thread was a 'let's all share our foot-in-mouth stories to make the OP feel better' kind of thread
If I missed the bit that said 'who's story is the funniest?' Then I apologise, but I don't think I did

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 03/02/2017 16:41

I didn't read it as Capes saying she found it funny, quite the opposite, she was sharing a moment where she said something without thinking (like the OP, and if we're honest like all of us at some point or another) to try and make the OP feel better. In no way was she mocking his disability.

blueirishues · 03/02/2017 16:42

So it's a 'let's talk about how much distress we may have caused to make the OP feel better about the distress she caused.'

Like I say, I think it's a MN thing. In my RL most people aren't that rude!

Tweedledee3Tweedledum · 03/02/2017 16:42

Social anxiety sucks, op. Don't beat yourself about about this. You've said it, it's happened, move on. If it will make you feel better, then by all means leave the note, but actually, it's R's responsibility to contact you if she found what you said offensive. Personally, I would either think that I had misheard you, or that you were anxious.

It will all be ok. Flowers

derxa · 03/02/2017 16:43

I suspect this may be an opportunity for OP to be socially acceptably snobbish, cloaked as 'social anxiety.' Exactly.

FireInTheHead · 03/02/2017 16:44

blueirish I think it very telling that on this thread it really hasn't turned into bashing in any way. Most people here are like most people everywhere fundamentally goodhearted and totally ashamed when they inadvertently say the 'wrong' thing and it also highlights the point that those on the receiving end aren't generally looking to take offense because they know how to distinguish between a deliberate goady dig and when no offense was actually meant.

NoCapes · 03/02/2017 16:45

No it's a 'everybody says stupid things they don't mean without thinking sometimes, don't worry about it most people have been there and therefore will understand, here is my example...' Kind of thread

Everyone except you blue obviously you've never ever said anything that you don't 100% mean and without engaging your brain first, well done you, here Star

Cantusethatname · 03/02/2017 16:45

My DM gave a friend's son a cheque for a wedding present. He thanked her and she said "Oh x I always give you money for your weddings." It was wedding no 4....

FireInTheHead · 03/02/2017 16:47

Again derxa I get NO such vibe from the OP at all.
Probably time for me to bow out because I can see this thread rapidly going downhill now though.

FindoGask · 03/02/2017 16:48

I dunno, it seems to me like the OP's story isn't about accidentally saying a perfectly wrong thing, like the other stories here, but of accidentally being honest about the way she thinks. Which is unfortunate, sure, and definitely hurtful to the other person (though hopefully she'll just have written you off as a complete tool and worry no more about it) but is a completely different category of foot-in-mouth than these other examples.

blueirishues · 03/02/2017 16:49

Capes, I have, occasionally, although very infrequently and always when it's been something I simply couldn't have known (as with your case at the cinema) but on those odd occasions I've always politely apologised and moved on.

At any rate, I have been at the receiving end of the sort of lack of tact experienced here and to be honest it does make you feel a bit rubbish. Of course people shouldn't have to walk on egg shells but just the same the carelessness with which you are treated can at times be a bit upsetting, regardless of actual intent.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/02/2017 16:51

Surely there must be some self help for people like us??

There no doubt is ... but just think of the mess we'd probably make asking for it!! Grin

CheckpointCharlie2 · 03/02/2017 16:51

Hahaha legopiece that made me laugh loads, lets go bitches!! Haha! Exactly the sort of thing I would say too!

NoelHeadbands · 03/02/2017 16:53

Exactly what Findo said ^^

burdog · 03/02/2017 16:54

hahah can you imagine the opposite post from Rebecca? 'AIBU to think my neighbour is a snooty cow and push her bins over'?

Swipe left for the next trending thread