Oh holy fuck I need to move house immediately. And change my name and possibly have facial surgery.

[EssieTregowan]

We live in a detached house. There is a small row of terraced 'starter' houses opposite (this is relevant).

I can back from the school run to find a hand delivered card on the mat to 'Rebecca'. Rebecca lives opposite in one of the terraces, but I couldn't remember which one.

Anyway, I've just seen her pull in so I dashed out the front to hand it to her. She apologised for the inconvenience and I laughed and said 'no worries, who ever it was obviously thought you were better off than you are!'

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

I just went all shivery as soon as I said it and turned round and ran indoors. Oh my god what must she think of me?

I have often crippling social anxiety and often blurt out stuff without thinking but this has to be my worst ever.

Kill me now. It would be a kindness.

This reminds of the time I went to visit a friend in hospital who had been in a car crash. She was quite badly bruised and when I saw her I fainted dead away. I came round surrounded by nurses and luckily she saw the funny side.

Bloody hell the people saying that OP is secretly exposing her snobbery obviously don't have high level foot in mouth disease.

I've managed to say awkward and embarrassing things that implied I'm against breastfeeding in public to someone who was breastfeeding in public. I breastfed in public all the time and am totally in support of it. My stupid brain just thought "oo she's breastfeeding I better not come across awkward or like I'm uncomfortable about it" then obviously having that thought ensures that I'm going to say the most awkward uncomfortable thing ever.

OP the only remedy is to change your name, set your house on fire and leave the country.

Lol

To be honest I used to live in a 'terraced starter home' and I'd have just agreed with you and laughed!

Hahaha 😂

I'm so sorry for you op but enjoying the camaraderie of this thread.
My latest foot in mouth episode was a beaut. We've just moved to a new estate and in my tale I would be the Rebecca. Our side of the street is the struggling, working families side and living opposite in the naice houses is a very glamorous woman who's children never seem to misbehave and she makes me feel very self conscious ,anyway, I'd just come back from a stressful school run (on which I had been doing a lot of internal swearing at other drivers) and she stopped me for chat and was saying how lucky I was to have my youngest 3dcs close in age and how fun it must be and what I meant to say was "yes they are a cute bunch" what I actually said was "yes they are a bunch of cunts" I corrected myself instantly and I'm sure she could see my mortification but I still act like Mary poppins whenever I see her lest she calls ss.

Bunch of cunts!

DYING!

That's exactly the sort of thing that would happen to me.

DM gave a friend's son a cheque for a wedding present. He thanked her and she said "Oh x I always give you money for your weddings." It was wedding no 4....

😁😁

Namechangedforvanity, i can't stop laughing at that. I've only been out of hospital a couple of days and think I'm having a seizure. Can someone dial 999?

but I still act like Mary poppins whenever I see her lest she calls ss

Literally roaring with laughter reading your post Namechanged

Namechanged that's seriously funny, I just read it out to my husband and we both erupted. 😂😂😂😂😂

Bunch of cunts!

Weeping!

I actually spat out tea laughing at Narnian's post (I had to go and get a tissue to wipe it),and then AGAIN at "Namechanged*.

I'm a regular foot-in-mouther. Too mortified to share though. It's the digging I do which makes everything so much worse.

Essie - I would recommend the note. I think you'll feel better if you do, but understand why you're not going to. Please come and update when you do next encounter her, though.

I can imagine just how much you wanted the ground to swallow you up. I can't think of anything right now, but there have been plenty of times I have said things before engaging my brain and regretted it.

Several years ago, my dh and I were round my parents house. My dad was late home from work one evening (he cycles), so dh said 'oh don't worry, mil, he's probably only been in an accident!' It turns out when he got home, he had! Dh wished the ground could have swallowed him up. My dad wasn't hurt at all btw.

Probably outing myself but I once spent ages telling a friend about the brilliant book I was reading, PS I love You, her husband had recently died, and yes I knew this.
I also answered a colleagues question about how expensive a mortgage would be saying "probably only the same as rent where you live" meaning it was affordable but she took it to mean she lived in a dive
Then there was the colleague I gave a lift home to, through the local "rough" estate and I commented that even the name of the streets sounded grim, to pull into her new build street of the same name
Could probably fill a thread by myself. Always happens. Mouth before brain.

And I'd send the note and chocolates

I once said to someone that their grandchild was lovely and looked just like her (at a parent/carer toddler group). As a woman who gave birth to her last child at 40, why did I say that?

Elendon I am an older Mum and I remember a grandmother at toddler group saying "MY grandson" - meaning hers but with the emphasis on the MY indicating that she clearly thought DS2 was my grandson IYSWIM. I wasn't offended at all! I was old enough to be his grandmother, so what? You are legally old enough to be a grandmother at 32 and I was 43!

SoupDragon I do agree and apologise if it caused you offence. I misjudged my words, which is a bit funny given the theme of the thread.

I agree with Findo. I hope Rebecca doesn't dwell on it too much.

Namechanged

That's hilarious

Oh no OP - roaster! Hope you're feeling less stressed after reading everone elses faux pas!

We moved into a new house and i could see some little kids toys (maybe a dolls pram or such) in the neighbours back garden from un upstairs bedroom. Said neighbour (30's) kindly pops in (as i'm a bit stressed and unpacking) to say hello and welcome. I smile and ask how many kids she has and how old (only because i'd seen the toys). "Oh no" says she, i don't have any children". I started and might have said something like, "but, but are you sure?" and sort of tailed of unsure as the tumbleweed rolled on by.

Ran upstairs after she left and her garden was empty of toys. Was quite creepy.

Ouch OP, that is excruciating. My family are corkers for this.

I walked into a sombre office once and proclaimed "What's the matter with you lot, has someone died or something?". Yes. A colleagues father had.

My Dad asked loudly in an American bar if he could "bum a fag?"

My mum greeted the local funeral director with "Cor, it's freezing at the moment, isn't it? Still, must be good for business". His look of absolute horror will stay with me forever!

God that's funny!!!
Maybe she owns her smaller house outright!@