Oh holy fuck I need to move house immediately. And change my name and possibly have facial surgery.

[EssieTregowan]

We live in a detached house. There is a small row of terraced 'starter' houses opposite (this is relevant).

I can back from the school run to find a hand delivered card on the mat to 'Rebecca'. Rebecca lives opposite in one of the terraces, but I couldn't remember which one.

Anyway, I've just seen her pull in so I dashed out the front to hand it to her. She apologised for the inconvenience and I laughed and said 'no worries, who ever it was obviously thought you were better off than you are!'

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

I just went all shivery as soon as I said it and turned round and ran indoors. Oh my god what must she think of me?

I have often crippling social anxiety and often blurt out stuff without thinking but this has to be my worst ever.

Kill me now. It would be a kindness.

Oh OP, it's awful but really I wouldn't worry about it. Apologise and move on.

Fwiw I don't have social anxiety but I do have a thing whereby if I know I shouldnt say something in particular then I literally can think of nothing else .

Also in our receiving line at our wedding I was very young and very nervous and every person who came up I parroted back to them what they said to me.

Guest 'oh congratulations'
Me 'yes, congratulations'
Guest 😳

And on and on, I knew I was doing it but I couldn't stop! It was like I was having some kind of malfunction and dh was obviously right next to me like this 😵🤐

My mum once sympathetically asked an elderly neighbour "Have you got over your bad smell?" She meant to say "bad spell"......

I started telling my sister the sad story of the actor from the Killing Fields, who was murdered after the film, and how the Khmer Rouge allowed his wife to die in childbirth.
I was driving my sister to hospital to be induced

OP that is exactly the sort of thing I would say and then die. I have apologised for something like that and I'm not sure it helped TBH I think it just drew attention to what a twat I was .
bunch of cunts is just hilarious 😂

Hopefully she'll assume you couldn't possibly have been so rude and she must have misheard.

Earlier this week, I gave way to someone I knew coming up some stairs while I was going downstairs. She also gave way and said "After you, you're a bit bigger than me". I was but smiled and hid it and said thank you but in my mind I was thinking: what the fuck / I wonder if it's the onset of dementia / god I must go on a diet / do I really look that big - played on my mind all day until it suddenly clicked - she's much older than me and had said "you're a bit quicker than me"!! And if she said bigger I'm ignoring that and sticking with quicker

EssieTregowan WWBU to start a collection to put this on your tombstone?

this made me laugh really , thanks for that, I was feeling a bit miserable.
after this she will think;
-either she misheard you and ignore and forget it
-or she will get quite angry.
if you go to her to say sorry there is a possibility you may blurt out more funny things and make a mess of it .
just leave her a card and small bunch of flowers and invite her for a coffee. then if you feel the issue is still there you can explain to her your think and talk process and how you were upset, etc.
good luck. xx

Oh, god, OP, you poor thing.

Actually if someone said that to me, and they said it without an obvious sneer or other put-down in their voice or expression, I would have the following response:
"OMG, that's hilarious- because it is so far outside the social norm, and I kind of love that"
"Hmm, well, what she said is actually true, is only a value judgment if you make it one, but was so unmoderated / unfiltered that I wonder (I know I shouldn't) whether she is 100% neurotypical...maybe she has some minor sort of Tourette's / ASD type thing"
Anyway, unless there was a clear intention to be horrible I wouldn't take it personally. I would appreciate a card, and if I got one I would pop over and say 'thank you' and chat a bit.

I have nothing to hand to add to the thread. Will have to have a think. Just at some of these.
As someone who struggles with small talk, I can completely sympathise and have been know to suffer from Foot In Gob Disease myself in the past.
Ace thread, I'm cringing and laughing at the same time at some. grin]

As for making out like it's a Kicking Bishop Brennan Up The Arse scenario..... yes!! Go for that lol

OP, before my neighbours moved in, I was staring in to their house because they'd had some work done. Little did I know they were in the dormobile parked in their drive. I thought it was for the builders to have tea. They were living in it! so they were watching me stare in.
That's quite bad isn't it!? I've told loads of people and they all laugh and say they'd be looking in too. Everybdoy wants to see their neighbours' new kitchens or new extensions and anybody who thinks it's weird that I stared in their window is the actual weirdo in this story.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece I know that you posted this half way up the thread but I had to comment; "Last week my boss and her MIL (am a nanny) said "oh I'll walk that way with you" so I sensibly replied "lets go bitches"...then instantly died on the spot....luckily after three years she just laughs and my stupidity...her MIL still hasn't spoken to me a week later..."

I rarely giggle and giggle at something online but this was epic. I'm still laughing!

lol... that's funny, but from a nanny !!
Mary poppins you aint.

I bet you feel much worse than she does - whilst it was obviously the "wrong" thing to say, I bet she could tell it was a mistake and how it freudian slipped out and that you feel awful. Next time you see her - just apologise without being specific (on the off-chance she didn't catch what you said, no need to spell it out again!!) for having social tourettes and that when you are shy you often speak without thinking. I'm sure she'll understand and probably feel bad for you for having felt bad. I would if it was me.

Oh god, OP, I gasped. Poor you, it just gallops out for no reason doesn't it!

Hi op, as someone who also suffers with social anxiety I really feel for you. I can say incredibly daft things when having an attack of my nerves. For your own peace of mind i'd write a note to apologise. Then forgive yourself for the slip up, it was clearly brought on by your anxiety and so you shouldn't beat yourself up about it .

Everybdoy wants to see their neighbours' new kitchens or new extensions and anybody who thinks it's weird that I stared in their window is the actual weirdo in this story.

EVERYONE stares in windows, even if they pretend they don't.
That's why I bloody love Facebook, Twitter and MN so much. It's the modern age and acceptable form of window gawking into other's lives and I bloody love it as I'm a nosy sod.

OP I wouldn't send a note or ring her doorbell to apologise. You might end up saying something you didn't mean to say. Maybe the next time you see Rebecca, just mention you're happy to take in any parcels for her when she is at work or something neighbourly.

I am always saying the wrong thing. One particular evening, I had only been dating DH a short time, when a group of his friends were going to a very glamorous party. Everyone was meeting in a particular bar. I hadn't met them before and was very nervous. After being introduced to one girl (who was very dolled up and wearing a long black ballgown), I asked her 'Oh have you come straight from work'. WTF.

I think a lot of the examples given on the thread show that this happens for a reason. The cremation one, the no arms - it's like "don't mention the war". At some level, even if you haven't consciously realised it, you are aware of something you shouldn't mention and your brain starts obsessing over it and out it pops. In the OP's case, that she obviously loves in a bigger house and shouldn't mention that.

The other way it can happen is like the friend who said "A man like that would never go out with me" - fishing for compliments or reassurance. But they have put right out there that they don't have model looks or feel fat or whatever, and then you brain goes into "Don't mention THAT!!!" mode and you fuck up.

It is part of the massive complexity of social interaction and the huge set of unwritten rules about what is and isn't rude, and it's a minefield for everyone. I probably have mild AS (not officially diagnosed but told so by NHS psych, so I'm fairly sure) and although I find all this stuff really difficult, what strikes me is that almost everyone finds it incredibly difficult and most NT people don't do it that brilliantly either - because it is really difficult.

I really don't think this thread is about laughing at anyone with a disability etc - it's about the horror we have of being rude about that and a million other situations and how easily that tips over into putting your foot in it. What was going on for the OP was probably not "she's socially inferior to me" but "she might think that I think she's socially inferior to me and I MUST not say the wrong thing... Oh Shit."

I grant you "let's go bitches" isn't my finest moment!! got me out of the MIL following me everywhere though!!

I am still laughing at the Jeremy Kyle one.

Unexplained

I agree with what you say.

Unexplained has it spot on. As soon as my brain identifies a possible source of awkwardness it must bounce around in there until eventually it escapes and I say something stupid.