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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end all contact with what was once a lovely work colleague?

170 replies

smarties1991 · 02/02/2017 15:56

He was lovely when I worked with him. Very kind and always willing to help me out. We worked together for 8 months and although we never got to the point where we met up outside of work, I think this had more to do with the fact we only worked together for 8 months and had we worked together longer probably would have become friends outside of work too. We had a great time working together and he was only ever a perfect gentleman and kind.

It was his leaving do two weeks ago and he was horrid to me. When I arrived he looked at me, looked at the floor and away. And never made eye contact again. He made rude remarks about my dress, I burnt my hand on my soup and he wouldn't even pass me his napkin for me to wipe it off. He invited two of his friends along and once they arrived he turned his back on me and spoke to them only and shut me out of the conversation. When we were walking to the venue everyone was chatting and we were in front and he just walked ahead rather than do the normal thing and walk/chat with me. This left me awkwardly trailing behind.

It was only when I left to get my last train home that he stopped me and said he needed to get my new number as he had been told I had a new one. I really wish I'd declined giving him my number but didn't want to make a scene in front of everyone.

Two weeks later he is now texting me asking how I am getting on and if I've had any interviews.

I don't think I can stay in contact with him after his 'performance' on his leaving do. He was so rude and I genuinely don't think he was blanking me because of something I had done as I have never gossiped about him, never done anything that could possibly be taken the wrong way by him and the fact he got my number at the end shows he wasn't annoyed with me.

However, I feel bad ending contact over his behaviour at the leaving do which lasted 3 hours as opposed to his behaviour 5 days a week for 8 months.

But, I just can't see past how rude he was to me that evening.

AIBU to just cut contact?

OP posts:
TooSmittle · 02/02/2017 23:00

Good call Smile you don't need 'friends' like that.

I actually was wondering if you were the unsuspecting beautiful colleague from the other thread who had piqued the poor girl's suspicion. I've no idea how that thread ended up btw, I just saw a few similarities in the situations.

Original poster
smarties1991 · 02/02/2017 23:14

I don't think I'm quite beautiful enough for that!

OP posts:
WanderingNotLost · 02/02/2017 23:21

Simple text message- "So Dave, are going to tell me why you were such an arse to me the other week?"

FatOldBag · 02/02/2017 23:41

Nice people don't suddenly act like a cunt for the evening for no reason, but cunts can pretend to be nice for extended periods. I'd block him completely from everything and move on.

Original poster
smarties1991 · 02/02/2017 23:47

That's what I'm doing. The only reason it took me this long was because I was worried I was over thinking it but he was genuinely rude.

OP posts:
WhyOhWine · 02/02/2017 23:54

If a friend of mine was acting like a dick to me i would pull them up on it at the time or at the very least send them a text afterwards and ask them why (also checking if everything is ok with them). If I did not feel able to send such a text then probably they are not really a friend, in which case I would ignore them with no hestitstion.

So if you think they might have been a genuine friend acting out of character, pull them up on it. Otherwise, do not give it a moments thought.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/02/2017 00:10

I don't know whether or not he fancies you, but from his weird behaviour when you were alone, I'd be worried that someone had told him that YOU fancied HIM!

Either way, he was a twat to you, he hasn't apologised and you've done the right thing in cutting contact. I don't think I would have stayed as long as you did at his leaving do - since he was apparently making it pretty clear that he wasn't interested in talking to you, if it had been me, I'd have left early.

ClopySow · 03/02/2017 07:31

Good move.

SaucyJack · 03/02/2017 07:48

I don't suppose it matters whether he fancies you or not.

He was a dick. You don't need to see him again anyway. Block his number, move on, and don't waste any more headspace.

The End.

Trills · 03/02/2017 07:58

Males can be strange creatures though.

Humans can be strange creatures sometimes.

I don't think it's wrong to say "her might have behaved like that if he fancied you". I'd follow it up with a bit of "but that doesn't excuse it and you don't wand that".

fliptopbin · 03/02/2017 10:11

I haven't read the whole thread, but do you think he may have been on something that night? Cocaine springs to mind for turning normally nice people into twats.

pollymere · 03/02/2017 17:26

Sounds like he was trying to break a friendship where he obviously feels more. Forgive him this once but maybe explain f2f that you were upset at his leaving do.

OldmumofKent · 03/02/2017 17:45

Afraid I agree. He fancies you and perhaps his friends knew so he didn't want them to say anything. He's embarrassed. Sounds a bit childish, but could be worth finding out what was going on and let us know!

Lillithxxx · 03/02/2017 17:48

What an oddball. Why would you want to be friends with someone who has the ability to make you feel so bad on a nice social occasion?

CommunionHelp · 03/02/2017 18:06

Please stop excusing shitty behaviour as "i think he likes you". It conditions girls to accept it, even as far as physical abuse, because "it means he loves me"

This.

Tell him to piss off OP. I'm so sick of people excusing crappy behaviour.

alltouchedout · 03/02/2017 18:09

Ugh. Why do people assume that someone being vile to you is them fancying you? And even if he does, after behaviour like that you wouldn't go near him anyway would you? I think dropping him like a hot potato is the way to go.

Damselindestress · 03/02/2017 18:12

I think you did the right thing by blocking him. I would've said he sounds a bit awkward and might've made a mistake except for the refusing to hand you a napkin when you burned yourself bit, that's awful!

phoeb3 · 03/02/2017 18:14

I don't think anyone here can really tell you.
Just text back 'what was with you the other night, why so rude'?

3luckystars · 03/02/2017 18:17

I suppose he must like you (yay) but he is mean (boo)

I think he showed his true colours and gave you a picture of what to expect if you were his girlfriend. He isn't nice.

BingoBingoBingoBango · 03/02/2017 18:23

Another one who is despairing at the 'oh he acts like a twat so he must fancy you'. For Christ's sake....Hmm

I would text him and say something like, 'you were very rude to me at your leaving do and don't I appreciate it, please stop contacting me'.

Olympiathequeen · 03/02/2017 18:36

Cut all contact. Crazy shite like that is just not worth all the effort it takes trying to understand it.

And next time you are asked for your number and you do t want to give it, jumble up the last 4 digits. thought everyone knew that trick

deedeegee · 03/02/2017 18:43

He was behaving like a 10 year old showing off in front of his friends as I agree he does like/love (?) you- still would call him out on his behaviour. But do you really want a relationship with someone who behaves like a child- friends maybe- lovers, certainly not!!

reiki73 · 03/02/2017 19:23

I agree with senseiwoo. Give him a ring, or text him and find out why he behaved as he did, then it's up to you.

Carolbetty · 03/02/2017 20:15

Ffs. Can we please stop ignoring his crap behaviour, excusing it as "he likes you". That's not how you treat someone you like and to accept it just aĺlows him ( and anyone else with a similar problem) to continue treating others like shit!!!

morningconstitutional2017 · 03/02/2017 20:55

I agree with poostories, if he fancies you he should be grown up about it and be nice to you.

I've heard of some silly men being nasty to women as it's all part of the 'treat 'em mean, keep em keen' scenario which I find ridiculous and immature. I wouldn't start a relationship with a man like this.
You will be happier with a proper grown up man, not a toxic twit. Definitely NC.