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AIBU?

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Original poster

new nanny troubles

176 replies

Ponderingprivately · 02/02/2017 05:26

I am probably being unreasonable but I am finding my new nanny hard to work with. While the children are both young and we are both working we felt this was going to be the easiest type of childcare. I am having some trouble with getting her to follow my rules/routine.

For example, I have asked her not to add salt to their food when she cooks (twice a week). I tasted the food earlier this week and it was very salty, I asked her about it and she said it was 'tasteless without'. I had already specifically asked her not too add it.

Yesterday I arrived home at 1pm, and said I would put the toddler (18months) for his nap, only he caused such a fuss and I tried for an hour before giving up. After I tried and failed, she told me she let him fall asleep 'on the sofa watching teletubbies for 5 minutes only at 12' - so this is obviously why I couldn't get him to sleep again. Also, watching TV is something I've asked her not to do.

A few nights ago, I asked her to bath my children as this night me and DH are both late home from work. When I arrived home DD (4) and DS (18mo) were in the bath alone, while she was folding towels in a bedroom next door. I was very cross about this as I believe it is very dangerous to leave them unattended, and I did let her know.

Having spoken to her she said her last employer was 'fine with TV, and sofa naps'. I actually don't really have a problem with sofa naps, but 5 minutes isn't really enough. I was quite specific that she needs to follow my rules in my house.

Am I being unreasonable or is she not good enough? I am thinking of going to the agency I used and asking for a change of nanny, although I don't want to be petty.

OP posts:
LightTripper · 02/02/2017 10:42

On the TV I think it is a bit problematic if there is no TV at all with nanny but a fair bit with you, as it could cause kids to think "nasty nanny doesn't allow TV and nice mummy does" which makes nanny's life unnecessarily harder. However, if she is also allowed to do one show with them a day that seems fine/balanced: it just means there is structure and they are not randomly watching TV at all hours (so hopefully they are also not randomly asking for TV at all hours!) My DD does TV once a day before lunch with her nanny, and as an occasional weekend treat with us (particularly on very wet/nasty days or if she is poorly) and it seems to work well for us.

My big problem would be the fact that if she disagrees she is ignoring you rather than discussing it with you. I've had 2 nannies and both have sometimes had suggestions about how to do things differently - but we discuss them and agree an approach together to ensure consistency - it's not on to just go ahead and do things that you disapprove of.

The bath thing is dangerous. I know she was just next door but what if something happened and she tripped/fell getting into the room? It doesn't take long for something awful to happen. That on its own would make me very anxious. That together with the non-communication on other issues would make me want to find a new nanny.

SoEverybodyDance · 02/02/2017 10:43

Good action OP!

Please make sure your new nanny doesn't come from the same nanny school as loona13!

I'm surprised to see that she was also once a nanny since her judgement is apparently so lacking...

WorkAccount · 02/02/2017 10:44

OP I have asked questions about our nanny in the past, and the parents get such a hard time for asking perfectly reasonable questions.
Responses you would never get if you said it was a childminder or nursery.

If you live somewhere that you can replace her do.

greeeen · 02/02/2017 10:44

Good choice OP! Bath thing alone was enough. Can't believe you're getting a hard time. None of the reasons you gave sound precious to me, I must be raising a special little snowflake tooHmm Grin Hope you find better nanny!

LightTripper · 02/02/2017 10:53

Oh sorry, missed your post with the conclusion! I think you have done the right thing. I wouldn't write off the nanny option altogether from this one experience though: I think you were pretty unlucky (and next time you would be able to discuss this all up front with the new candidates and make sure you are all on the same page?)

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 02/02/2017 11:02

I think you've done the right thing OP. The bath thing - for a parent - I think would be ok. I've been next door talking to the kids while I put stuff away (or whatever) to make sure they're not drowning, but I wouldn't make a habit of it. Especially at such a young age. The difficulty is that if you're not there you can't police what she's doing, what happens if next time she's not in the room because she's downstairs stirring the (salty) dinner?

Her response to the dinner is infuriating. She wasn't making it for her so why does she care that it's tasteless?! Stubborn and defiant and a new hire. She doesn't want to keep this job does she?!

Willow2016 · 02/02/2017 11:57

Definately done the right thing OP

A relative of mine pulled the plug out the bath when they had finished bathing their toddler, phone rang they went into the bedroom to pick up and came back to their baby having drowned as the face cloth had fallen in and blocked the plug hole and it hadnt drained fast enough. Horrendous accident they couldnt have predicted and only took a few inches of water and a couple of minutes.

No way a professional childcarer would leave kids that age in the bath ever while they did something else in another room. Why the hell did the towels need folding at that time?

Never mind her disrgarding your other instructions.
If this was a thread about a CM it would have been a whole different kettle of fish Wink

civilfawlty · 02/02/2017 12:03

Blimey OP, she'd be straight out the door in my house. You need someone with the same approach as you, in whom you can put complete trust.

ItsSoUnfairSoItIs · 02/02/2017 12:58

In the first message it was said that the bath thing is dangerous.
I don't know who said the other thing as I did not say they need Mummy. It's not goady, the OP obviously doesn't get on with the Nanny, the bath situation is of HUGE concern. On that alone I would end it, thankfully as it's still probation time. But I feel that Nanny's get a hard time for doing a difficult job. Is it not fair to stick up for Nanny's out there.
The salt thing probably an oversight. The TV thing she was likely desperate for the toilet AND didn't anticipate the child falling asleep. So these issues seem to be preference more than anything. If new, at her last place they may have asked for more seasoning since many Nanny's cook for everyone. Being in autopilot, a mistake was made. I doubt it would be repeated. Hope you find a suitable replacement you like, I hope the Nanny finds a new family quickly she clicks with. CakeBrew

oleoleoleole · 02/02/2017 13:02

I'm a nanny - get rid. Make sure the next one you employ has the following:

Two checkable references
Current Enhanced DBS
Valid first aid certificate
Is on Ofsted voluntary register for home carers
Has adequate PLI and car insurance

Your children's safety and wellbeing should not be compromised. The bath thing is negligent, the salt is unacceptable. She is paid to carry out your wishes and not do things her own way!

Good luck.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 02/02/2017 13:09

Basic lack of respect, which I know from experience doesn't get better.

If someone feels that they can ignore employers basic instructions and guidelines, they cannot be trusted with a child.

Terrible attitude as you can't rely on them to carry out any of your requests, or indeed, basic safety guidelines either - which kind of goes hand in hand with someone who believes rules and requests don't apply to them.

Get rid and don't spend a second more thinking about her.

Phillipa12 · 02/02/2017 13:29

Nanny here too, bath incident is dangerous and i would fully expect to get dismissed instantly for that, the other stuff although relatively minor is annoying because shes not following simple requests that you have asked her too. Its not dificult, no salt in food and nap time in cot, your dc your rules end off.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/02/2017 16:27

Nanny and maternity nurse whose worked fot over 25yrs with children

Glad you have got rid of the nanny

Was she a qualified nanny and placed via agency?

No professional nanny I know would 1) leave children alone in the bath 2) add salt to their food

Tv. I'm 50/50 on. You use it an eve and weekends so unfair to say to nanny don't have it on. Tho in other posts you said she can have tv on in small amounts

5m sleep in front of tv isn't enough for a 18mth old but not surprising didn't want to sleep hr later

Lucy7400 · 02/02/2017 16:32

No one can compare to mummy

GrinGrinGrin

What an eejit.

potatospuds · 02/02/2017 16:46

I thought you were being a tad precious until the bath one. Get rid immediately. It's not worth it. I would never trust anybody that didn't take basic safety measures.
I would also report if she's come from an agency. She lacks basic common sense which for a nanny is not acceptable!

lionsleepstonight · 03/02/2017 08:08

I read this yesterday but didnt have time to post. I think you are right to get a new nanny.

My concern would be with the agency though, and the level of qualifications the nanny had. Her actions sound like those of an inexperienced babysitter, not a trained nanny.

What qualifications did she say she had, did the agency check them? Is she a nanny or a mother's help?

Did you also give her any household tasks to do as well as look after the children? I can't understand why she would be folding towels? Grabbing a towel as one got wet/forgot to take one in, is one thing, folding laundry - why?

The tv thing, fair enough, maybe she needed the toilet and wanted to go non her own? Or was she completing some household tasks at the same time?

The salt issue is that of someone who is clueless about kids, not a nanny.

This is not a dig at you OP, just curious as to the qualifications, job title and roles and responsibilities. I'd re look at all of that for the next one or you may have similar issues.

honeylulu · 03/02/2017 08:44

I'm not a "precious parent" at all but I agree she had to go!
The stuff you knew about was bad enough (and she didn't care when you challenged her) - I'd be wondering about everything you didn't know about!
A nanny won't help you do your job if you're worrying about her all the time.

LouKout · 03/02/2017 08:51

Must try being defiant to my boss and refusing to do what he wants as i know best. Would last 5 minutes. This shouldnt be any different.

LouKout · 03/02/2017 08:52

So I'm glad you took the step you did :)

ConvincingLiar · 03/02/2017 14:19

I would sack her, only the bath was serious, but her attitude demonstrates that she couldn't give a fuck what you think. You and her having different ideas about how to look after your children is fine, but she doesn't seem to accept that you call the shots.

wingingitmomma · 03/02/2017 15:01

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OldGuard · 03/02/2017 15:12

wingit what uneducated bullderdash

Not everyone has the option to stay at home

Willow2016 · 03/02/2017 15:21

wingingit

Ok are you going to pay everyones rent and mortgages while they stay at home with their kids then?

What an out of touch and actually wrong statement.

I am a cm and I follow parents instructions unless they really disrupt the other kids. Some things are totaly not going to happen, I have heard a parent say that they thought the cm should stay by their childs side for every minute of the day, including when they were asleep in another room, they actually said that a cm should stand over them while they slept! That they should be continually 'doing things' with them no free play, no down time etc for 8 hours a day!

I know someone who was given a list of over 30 things that a prospective parent wanted them to do on their first meeting! Including rearranging their garden, their whole day routine, inside the house, what food they had to buy, there would be no junk food in the house at all, everything would revolve around thier child basically.... now thats something you can tell a parent to bugger off with but not the simple things that that nanny should have been aware of and carried out, it wasnt rocket science.

pinkie1982 · 03/02/2017 16:21

How did the meeting go?

HiDBandSIL · 03/02/2017 16:45

YANBU at all. I would have sacked her on the spot about the bath thing and told the agency about it too so that they realised she needed further training before being left in sole charge of young children.

And the other stuff too. She's a paid employee who should do what you're paying her to do whether it's her way of doing things or not.

Mind-blowing that anyone can disagree with that. I'm thinking the special snowflakes are actually the ones who think this kind of thing is ok. I mean, God forbid an employee is expected to work rather than watch TV FFS Hmm

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