Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

new nanny troubles

176 replies

Ponderingprivately · 02/02/2017 05:26

I am probably being unreasonable but I am finding my new nanny hard to work with. While the children are both young and we are both working we felt this was going to be the easiest type of childcare. I am having some trouble with getting her to follow my rules/routine.

For example, I have asked her not to add salt to their food when she cooks (twice a week). I tasted the food earlier this week and it was very salty, I asked her about it and she said it was 'tasteless without'. I had already specifically asked her not too add it.

Yesterday I arrived home at 1pm, and said I would put the toddler (18months) for his nap, only he caused such a fuss and I tried for an hour before giving up. After I tried and failed, she told me she let him fall asleep 'on the sofa watching teletubbies for 5 minutes only at 12' - so this is obviously why I couldn't get him to sleep again. Also, watching TV is something I've asked her not to do.

A few nights ago, I asked her to bath my children as this night me and DH are both late home from work. When I arrived home DD (4) and DS (18mo) were in the bath alone, while she was folding towels in a bedroom next door. I was very cross about this as I believe it is very dangerous to leave them unattended, and I did let her know.

Having spoken to her she said her last employer was 'fine with TV, and sofa naps'. I actually don't really have a problem with sofa naps, but 5 minutes isn't really enough. I was quite specific that she needs to follow my rules in my house.

Am I being unreasonable or is she not good enough? I am thinking of going to the agency I used and asking for a change of nanny, although I don't want to be petty.

OP posts:
longdiling · 02/02/2017 09:25

Childminder here and even though I'm self employed and don't have to follow instructions from parents, I would have no issue following those. I wouldn't think your kids were snowflakes in the making at all. In fact I would never use salt in cooking for kids and don't put the TV on for my preschoolers anyway. I put the babies down for a nap where their parents request it - cot, pram or sofa. The fact that she is dismissing your instructions so early on is ridiculous. She hasn't had a chance to get to know your children and therefore question whether things could be done differently.

The bath is the biggest concern though, that is such an obviously dangerous thing to do that I would find her completely incompetent. A close friends child nearly drowned in the bath at 18 months because his dad popped out of the room. He had to have cpr.

Oh and childcare professionals absolutely should be held to higher standards than parents. The people I childmind for absolutely have a right to expect me to limit TV even if they don't limit it at home. I'm being paid to WORK with their children, to stimulate and entertain them. Not to stick them in front of the TV.

Allthewaves · 02/02/2017 09:25

Bath thing would have got her marked out the door.

Berthatydfil · 02/02/2017 09:26

I've not read the full thread but I can't believe the opinions on here - telling you you're precious etc.

She's not a relative doing you a favour providing free childcare where you allow for give and take and you could be accused of being overly precious by insisting on certain things - if this was the case the tv, nap and salt could be overlooked (not the bath though)
She's alledgedly a childcare professional who your are paying as your employee to care for your child in accordance with your instructions. She may disagree with those instructions but it's not her choice.
If she was doing another job in another situation would she be allowed this choice over whether to adhere to her employers instuctions - I don't think so.
What else might she disagree on ???
Terminate her employment.

BeaveredBadgered · 02/02/2017 09:42

Completely agree with your decision OP. My DD has just started at nursery. If I was concerned she was being kept safe by the staff there I wouldn't be able to leave her. It's such a basic requirement of the role and no one needs a childcare qualification to understand that young kids shouldn't be left alone in the bath.
I'd also worry about the salt in cooking and her inability to realise that you as her employer and mother of the children in question get to call the shots. She seems to be completely incompatible with the job.

BeaveredBadgered · 02/02/2017 09:47

Btw- I too think the 'snowflakes' nonsense from some is ridiculous. If wanting to return home from work to kids that are alive and well (not drowned in the bath) makes you a mother to special snowflakes then hands up, I'm one too.

Rainatnight · 02/02/2017 09:48

Imagine this situation in your day job. An employee, apparently deliberately, refuses to follow instructions and, in one instance, was negligent. You'd know what the answer would be.

JaxingJump · 02/02/2017 09:49

YANBU! I can't believe some people are saying you are! None of your rules are unreasonable. And leaving an 18month old unsupervised in a bath should have been an instant dismissal. The salt thing is unacceptable. The TV thing is annoying but not the end of the world.

You need a new nanny.

Rainatnight · 02/02/2017 09:49

Oh sorry, I've just seen your update. Well done you.

Jaysis · 02/02/2017 09:54

A baby's food should not be 'very salty' and I'd be pissed off with her over that. I'd certainly be doubting her suitability with her reply that it's tasteless [to her] because it was her overriding your instruction.

After the bath incident, she'd be gone I'm afraid. Hope your next nanny is a lovely one Smile

Aki23 · 02/02/2017 09:55

The bathroom incident alone would be enough to fire her and I would not provide her with a reference for that alone. Your children could have drowned and she would not have known - this is serious.

I also do not add salt to anything, but this is a personal preference - my DH loves the stuff

Longislandicetee · 02/02/2017 10:00

Good decision OP. We had the same rules when our dcs were younger.

The bath thing would fall under "Gross Misconduct" in our nanny's employment contract. We have a clause in there about endangering the dcs.

The salt and TV incidents would fall under Misconduct. Basically failure to follow instructions. We had one nanny that used to put the TV on and I had a conversation which basically went along the lines that we had discussed the TV thing at interview. She said she didn't have a problem with it so I expected her to stick with it.

My advice is to make sure that you're adequately covered in the employment contract (you're "lucky" that these incidents arose while the agency are still obligated to replace and you're still in the probation period). Also decide what your "red lines" are and make sure that you discuss them at interview. You need a nanny who is on the same page as you and follows your parenting instructions and ethos.

Oh and ignore the snowflakes commentsHmm.

Good luck!

SoEverybodyDance · 02/02/2017 10:01

Some chippy, goading posters on this thread. How unfortunate.

OP I would be upset by all those things, you are right to let her go. Good luck finding another one.

bumsexatthebingo · 02/02/2017 10:03

Glad you've asked the nanny not to return. I wouldn't want someone who left my 1 yr old unattended in the bath working notice.

early30smum · 02/02/2017 10:04

YANBU at all. Bath thing- unacceptable. Salt in food when you've said not to- unacceptable. Not putting salt in a 18 month old baby's food is not turning them into a 'snowflake' it's keeping them safe and is in line with NHS recommendations.

TV- I can't believe you're getting a bashing from people saying why can your D.C. Watch tv with you but not a nanny?! Erm, because you're paying her to do a job that doesn't involve sitting the kids in front of the tv?! I think however that nannies do work v long days with no break essentially, so I would perhaps allow a bit of flexibility here but even if you don't, it's your own business. I have worked as a nanny and am now a mum of 2 and I can see both sides usually- some parents do treat nannies so, so badly, equally some nannies really take the mick. I also think it's massively about communication and also being the right 'fit' for a family. I know plenty of amazing nannies who wouldn't be right for some families, and some nannies who I don't think are great but work with the family they have. Above all, you should trust your instincts when it Comes to your kids. Good luck OP.

MissMrsMsXX · 02/02/2017 10:05

The bath thing...

That would be the end for me even if she were perfect in every way. Risking your kids safety is sackable.

GiaContettiBonafetti · 02/02/2017 10:09

OP, having a nanny is the easiest option if you have someone who applies themselves to the job - which is working within the remit that you have set out for them.

I've had nannies for 12+ years (and I had nannies when I was a child - my parents still "raised me" FFS) and when you have one who follows your home routines, is organised and pro-active and who doesn't say stupid shit to your requirements (like, it tastes better with salt, etc.) then your life is much much better. The best nannies will query (and/or follow) how you want things done, how you approach your child rearing, how you want the day scheduled, etc. and are more than happy to work towards these things as part of making themselves indispensable.

The fact that she thinks that her previous employer's rules are applicable in your home means that she doesn't understand the nature of her job.

Our longest term nanny became a very close family friend, she now has a family of her own and we are all going on holiday together soon. She was a brilliant nanny, especially as I was very ill during her tenure and she was an absolute essential part of our home life.

Keep interviewing, hopefully you will find someone who is sensible and professional.

GiaContettiBonafetti · 02/02/2017 10:10

The bath thing would fall under "Gross Misconduct" in our nanny's employment contract. We have a clause in there about endangering the dcs.

Yep, this is true for us as well. Just be glad that you saw it happen and can move on.

LexieLulu · 02/02/2017 10:12

OP I am fully with you. Health visitors say not to add salt to their food. Bath times unsupervised is dangerous and why are you paying someone to put your kids in front of the tv?

I put a compliant in with my son's nursery over allowing the kids to watch cartoons. I am not against cartoons at home, but when I am paying someone to look after my child they can actually do some work!

Magicpaintbrush · 02/02/2017 10:13

The bath thing alone would be enough for me. Both children - especially the 18 month old - are much too young to be left unsupervised in water!!!! What was she thinking???

LexieLulu · 02/02/2017 10:16

Are you going to get another nanny from the same agency?

loona13 · 02/02/2017 10:18

question nanny's job is to look after a child 100% of time, not to run from one educational activity to another, and be in their faces all the time. Nannies cook, some nannies clean, and some children don't have regular naps. Children can entertain themselves, given the chance.

longdiling · 02/02/2017 10:21

How is watching TV entertaining themselves?!

nomorehamplease · 02/02/2017 10:27

As people have said above, the bath thing is sackable. We also have a clause about risking safety of children in our contract. Right decision to get rid.

As GiaContettiBonafetti said, nannies should make your life easier. Good luck getting a replacement!

loona13 · 02/02/2017 10:27

Oh, I didn't mean TV, I understood from question's post that nanny should entertain child (ren) all the time.

SomethingBorrowed · 02/02/2017 10:34

Without trying to sound harsh. If I wanted things exactly my way then I'd bring up my children myself and not have a nanny. No one can compare to mummy

A good nanny can do things exactly your way.
And FWIW, after spending 2+ years at home with my DT I now have a nanny and one more than one occasion I thought that she was actually doing a better job than I would have.
Good nannies love looking after children, playing, teaching etc, whereas a mother does it because the children are hers and she loves them but not necessarily because she loves doing it.
(absolutely not a dig at SAHMs, I am still a part-time one)