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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

new nanny troubles

176 replies

Ponderingprivately · 02/02/2017 05:26

I am probably being unreasonable but I am finding my new nanny hard to work with. While the children are both young and we are both working we felt this was going to be the easiest type of childcare. I am having some trouble with getting her to follow my rules/routine.

For example, I have asked her not to add salt to their food when she cooks (twice a week). I tasted the food earlier this week and it was very salty, I asked her about it and she said it was 'tasteless without'. I had already specifically asked her not too add it.

Yesterday I arrived home at 1pm, and said I would put the toddler (18months) for his nap, only he caused such a fuss and I tried for an hour before giving up. After I tried and failed, she told me she let him fall asleep 'on the sofa watching teletubbies for 5 minutes only at 12' - so this is obviously why I couldn't get him to sleep again. Also, watching TV is something I've asked her not to do.

A few nights ago, I asked her to bath my children as this night me and DH are both late home from work. When I arrived home DD (4) and DS (18mo) were in the bath alone, while she was folding towels in a bedroom next door. I was very cross about this as I believe it is very dangerous to leave them unattended, and I did let her know.

Having spoken to her she said her last employer was 'fine with TV, and sofa naps'. I actually don't really have a problem with sofa naps, but 5 minutes isn't really enough. I was quite specific that she needs to follow my rules in my house.

Am I being unreasonable or is she not good enough? I am thinking of going to the agency I used and asking for a change of nanny, although I don't want to be petty.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 02/02/2017 08:16

Get rid!

KingLooieCatz · 02/02/2017 08:19

YANBU. I'm on your side with the salt and TV. It's better for your children not to get used to salt on their food, food without or with less only tastes bland if you're used to having added salt. Yes, they'll have salty crisps at a party some time but while you can avoid, better too. Also the TV, absolutely fair enough to save it for when you and/or the children are tired and need a chill out, and not get in the habit of having a screen on at random times of day. Even if I didn't agree with you on those, the point is you're paying her you get to decide. If she's new and disregarding your instructions already, it's unlikely to get easier.

Sprink · 02/02/2017 08:24

Without trying to sound harsh. If I wanted things exactly my way then I'd bring up my children myself and not have a nanny. No one can compare to mummy.

Harsh and exceptionally smug. Hmm

loona13 · 02/02/2017 08:30

You were drip feeding, I was not the only one thinking that. Provoking? Nah...
May I ask what have you decided?

Original poster
Ponderingprivately · 02/02/2017 08:31

Look up thread, I already said.

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 02/02/2017 08:32

Its 50:50

Also, watching TV is something I've asked her not to do

I don't think you can say that in all fairness

but salt, Yanbu

I think you need to do some soul searching as to what's reasonable, and what patently isn't - and if you can have an open dialogue with her on this that's better , if you cant have an open discussion well then its not going to work really

MsPavlichenko · 02/02/2017 08:33

The bath issue is good enough reason to let her go. It is a life and death issue.

The other issues merely reinforce she is not doing what you ask, but also a reason to change. I've not had a Nanny, and was a fairly relaxed parent but I'm with you on this.

amidawish · 02/02/2017 08:34

She should be doing as you ask, regardless of what she thinks or her previous employer thinks.
You have employed her as a private nanny.
She thinks she knows better.
Even without the bath incident I would move on.

tigertorch · 02/02/2017 08:43

I think that your reaction is reasonable OP. The bath incident is reason enough to dismiss her straight away. Very dangerous.

Nipperknight · 02/02/2017 08:44

You are making the right decision to get rid of her.

I would not hesitate for instant dismissal on the bath incident alone.

user1483387154 · 02/02/2017 08:44

Also, watching TV is something I've asked her not to do

I don't think you can say that in all fairness

Of course you can say no to watching T.V. I have never worked for a family who have let their children watch t.v whilst Im on duty.

mambono5 · 02/02/2017 08:44

OP, as above, you are not unreasonable AT ALL.

Frankly, I would have dismissed her even without the bath incident. Not following your diet requirement is unacceptable. It sounds like she has a general attitude problem anyway, which would only get worst later.

I hope your next nanny is a much better fit.

questioningitall · 02/02/2017 08:53

*loona
*
Nannies don't necessary keep their charges occupied 100% of time, it's quite exhausting.

Absolute codswallop. That is 100% what a nanny is being paid to do!! If my nanny had wanted a to or movie afternoon she would have discussed it with me first. This is her job. It's utterly different to what a parent does with their DC at the weekend.

Anyway as many previous PPs have said the bath and salt things are enough to dismiss. However even if they were less serious matters, the fact she is not following your wishes OP is a big fat alert. She's not right for you. If you got her through an agency I presume she is qualified. I would be giving the agency hell as well!

pilotswife · 02/02/2017 08:55

I would have fired her, the salt would have been enough for me, loathe "sofa sleeping" and the bath situation is inexcusable - totally negligent. Get a new nanny.

2014newme · 02/02/2017 08:56

It isn't "snowflakes in the making" to not want an 18 month old to be unattended in a bath. What a ridiculous and horrible thing to say.
The nanny sounds useless and is putting your children at rusk through negligence.
I would terminate her.
Perhaps use a nursery instead.

nat73 · 02/02/2017 09:01

ItsSoUnfairSoItIs 'snowflakes' in the making? Seriously? The nanny is paid to look after the children - that is the job!! If OP has given her certain rules she needs to follow them. I would be furious. Our DC1 cannot eat refined sugar for medical reasons. If I came home to find the nanny feeding her biscuits and cakes we would be furious and she would be sacked for that only. She is also turning on the TV when asked not to and in a different room when they are in the bath.
TBH she sounds like a crap nanny, unable / unwilling to follow instructions and no clue about child safety. Its nothing to do with snowflakes.

mambono5 · 02/02/2017 09:09

Of course, it's snowflakes in the making. ItsSoUnfairSoItIs was thrown in the North Sea at 3 months old and learnt to swim all by themselves, don't you know? Also got her wonderfully open mind and clever arguments by spending childhood glue in front of the tv (you know, between hunting and fishing with bare hands).

Come on people, don't feed the trolls.

babychamcherryb · 02/02/2017 09:10

Ditch her

It's not about bringing up children your own way or partnering yourself or if you are allowed a nanny or not regardless of all of this being in the bath unattended is too dangerous. Even if she was perfect in every other way this should mean you don't leave your children in her care.

emmyrose2000 · 02/02/2017 09:11

I'd have sacked her on the spot for the bath incident alone. That is beyond irresponsible.

Original poster
Ponderingprivately · 02/02/2017 09:15

Well, on the back of this I have a meeting with the agency in about an hour's time. I've asked for the nanny not to return, and DH and I have taken one day off each to cover the childcare until the end of the week.

I chose this option for childcare as I thought it would be least hassle with two under school age, but I will be looking into other options from next week forwards for my 'special snowflakes' ;-)

OP posts:
BillSykesDog · 02/02/2017 09:16

MN is such an aching rattle of cuntbags sometimes. If the OP posted that she feeds her children nothing but coke and turkey twizzlers and plonks them down in front of Baby TV all day with a box of matches and a razor to play with while she gets off her face on meth and white lightening it'd be all 'Oh mustn't judge', 'That's fine, we all have different parenting methods and a razor is better than a gun', 'At least you haven't given them vodka'.

A parent actually mentions that they do shit to keep their kids healthy, cared about and er, not dead, and you get a bunch of fuckers piling in to give them a kicking.

(Apologies to the rest of you)

Miserylovescompany2 · 02/02/2017 09:19

Leaving an 18 month old and a four year old unattended in the bath would have me giving her her marching orders...

She has no respect for you and blatantly disobeys your requests. Obviously, she knows best!

When you work in someone's home you abide by their rules, you don't override them and make up your own as you go along. You respect your employers wishes, you might not agree with them, however, you do what you've been asked to do.

Find a new nanny.

Bettercallsaul1 · 02/02/2017 09:21

I think, if you had just mentioned the two serious, safety issues - adding the salt and especially the absence from the room at bath-time - you would have got unanimous responses in your favour, OP! Including the nap/TV issues unfortunately diluted your post, allowing some people to focus on these rather than the main concerns. Not seeing the wood for the trees, I believe it's called!

Oly5 · 02/02/2017 09:23

She left them alone in a bath? Sack her. It's so dangerous.
Also the salt in food would annoy the hell out of me - she clearly knows nothing about child nutrition.
And if you want your kids to nap properly then she shouldn't be letting them fall asleep in front of the TV. You also said no TV and she ignored that.
You need to sack her and find a better nanny

mowgelijeffs · 02/02/2017 09:25

I couldn't be bothered to read all of the posts from everyone.

I've got only one observation. I think you don't like her. So get rid of her. If you've posted online wondering if she is ok for your family then I think you probably already know the answer.

Don't have someone you don't like for any reason looking after your children.

I grew up with nannies and au pairs and lots of them were bloody awful. I wish my mum got rid of them faster.