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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

new nanny troubles

176 replies

Ponderingprivately · 02/02/2017 05:26

I am probably being unreasonable but I am finding my new nanny hard to work with. While the children are both young and we are both working we felt this was going to be the easiest type of childcare. I am having some trouble with getting her to follow my rules/routine.

For example, I have asked her not to add salt to their food when she cooks (twice a week). I tasted the food earlier this week and it was very salty, I asked her about it and she said it was 'tasteless without'. I had already specifically asked her not too add it.

Yesterday I arrived home at 1pm, and said I would put the toddler (18months) for his nap, only he caused such a fuss and I tried for an hour before giving up. After I tried and failed, she told me she let him fall asleep 'on the sofa watching teletubbies for 5 minutes only at 12' - so this is obviously why I couldn't get him to sleep again. Also, watching TV is something I've asked her not to do.

A few nights ago, I asked her to bath my children as this night me and DH are both late home from work. When I arrived home DD (4) and DS (18mo) were in the bath alone, while she was folding towels in a bedroom next door. I was very cross about this as I believe it is very dangerous to leave them unattended, and I did let her know.

Having spoken to her she said her last employer was 'fine with TV, and sofa naps'. I actually don't really have a problem with sofa naps, but 5 minutes isn't really enough. I was quite specific that she needs to follow my rules in my house.

Am I being unreasonable or is she not good enough? I am thinking of going to the agency I used and asking for a change of nanny, although I don't want to be petty.

OP posts:

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/02/2017 07:18

She's blatantly ignored your instructions wrt salt. She left then unattended in the bath- why would you even risk it?! Just get a new nanny, you won't be able to trust this one again!

Squiffy01 · 02/02/2017 07:20

op absolutely 100% get rid! I can't believe so many people on here think you are over reacting.

The salt is awful! It is not good for an 18mth old at all, no salt should ever be added. There will already be salt content in the ingredients. If you as an adult thought it was salty imagine what the children thought.
I know it is unavoidable when you go out or having a quick dinner of a something ready made but I do not know one professional nanny that adds salt to young children's food cause anyone trained knows how dangerous it is.

Bath is also an absolute no no even more so if your children are known to not be calm in there. And it was just running into another room to get a towel for 20 seconds it was out of the room doing another job!

TV isn't a huge deal, like not dangerous. But there is also no need to be watching it at all when she is there but even more so if they get a bit of tv time when older one is home.

Get rid and find yourself a good one.

HookandSwan · 02/02/2017 07:21

nanny input here. I would never leave my charges on the bath alone, that is incredibly dangerous and unprofessional.

I don't add salt to children's cooking, they don't neeS salt.
I would expect a trained experienced nanny to be able to get a toddler to asleep in her/his bed without the aid of tv.

It is hard to be a nanny with a parent around and most nannies know enough to get on with it and not be watched. But she sounds like she really doesn't respect your rules so she has to go.

Goingtobeawesome · 02/02/2017 07:23

For the leaving in the bath alone you can instantly dismiss. She got away with it last time. If she does it again your child could drown. But keep her because other people tell you they think TV is okay . You remember they are your children and you get to make all the decisions?

hatethegame · 02/02/2017 07:24

I watch TV with my kids but don't let my nanny do it - my nanny is paid to entertain them, not sit on my sofa watching Go Jetters

MTB1003 · 02/02/2017 07:26

Op yanbu! The bath thing I would have dismissed her immediately!!
As for the rest, she has to follow your rules because you are the parent. Seems like she's lazy and taking the easiest way out

user1483387154 · 02/02/2017 07:27

I'm a qualified and experienced Nanny, I would not be happy with her actions and think you should find someone else if you have talked to her about the issues and she has not changed her actions. It does not matter if you do things differently e.g if you have asked her not to let them watch T.V but they do with you. She should be doing the things you have asked her to do and not do the things you have asked her not to do.

I would also find it unprofessional that she used the come back " but the other families let me do it/said it was ok" again this has nothing to do with your situation.

The bath incident is extremely serious and negligent and it worries me that she did this.

Original poster

Ponderingprivately · 02/02/2017 07:28

Goingtobe I'm not really going to keep her on that basis - that post was meant to be tongue in cheek.

On balance, and having read all your helpful posts and experiences I am going to instantly dismiss her on the basis of the bath incident - I cannot risk this happening again. I'm getting in touch with the agency shortly - thanks again for the helpful posts

OP posts:

Thebookswereherfriends · 02/02/2017 07:37

I used to be a nanny and think you need to find a new nanny. She really isn't following what you have asked her to do and like you say you are paying her a lot of money. As a nanny I felt it was my duty to be entertaining/helping the children ntertain themselves without TV.
The bath thing is shocking and I would not trust her judgement with anything after that.

Ilovewillow · 02/02/2017 07:40

At the end of the day this isn't about whether any of us agree with your request or whether the nanny does. This is about what you have requested not being followed through. I would speak to her and reiterate what you are expecting with regards the tv and food. We had a nanny and sometimes it's just about communicating sometimes several times so you both know where you are.

The bath thing would worry me a lot more as it's dangerous - for me I would be thinking hard about the fit.

loona13 · 02/02/2017 07:43

OP, I'm not sure why you feel you need to pass my test. Leaving the children alone in the bath is bad enough, qualified, experienced nanny should not do it, but I wouldn't need MN jury to tell me that. You said before your children have plenty of access to tv am, pm, weekends, never mentioned nanny already watches it with your DC. From your previous posts it looks like you are happy to sit them in front of TV, but nanny shouldn't. Nannies don't necessary keep their charges occupied 100% of time, it's quite exhausting. It seems like you and your nanny are not a "match", and your relationship will rather not work. I worked as a nanny for 10+ years, I also employed nannies for my DC, you need to feel comfortable with the person who has sole charge of your DC. Ask agency to change the nanny, have a proper chat with new one, point from the beginning things you are not happy to compromise , and enjoy.

BillSykesDog · 02/02/2017 07:50

OP, I was reading through this thinking you sounded like a 'mare when I got to the bit about the bath which is awful, just sack her. Totally unacceptable. I don't know why you included all the other stuff, it's not really relevant and has just given people an opportunity to bash you for personal preferences you have every right to have.

But the bath - just sack her.

RaeofSun · 02/02/2017 07:50

The bath situation is dangerous and that she has ignored your requests immediately so she 'thinks' she knows best so early into this working relationship would make me think how far will she ignore going forwards. I wouldn't be able to trust her.

RaeofSun · 02/02/2017 07:51

Sorry for double post, internet hanging

BillSykesDog · 02/02/2017 07:52

And it's not just a 'bad match' or 'not a good fit'. A nanny prepared to leave an 18mo and 4 year old alone together in a bath should not be caring for any children IMO.

Beautifullymixed · 02/02/2017 07:53

Well done OP for making a decision.
I think once the trust has been broken, you will always be worried and unsure. Especially when it comes to their safety.
You need to be relaxed, and comfortable with the person who cares for your dcs, and able to communicate.
To know that your wishes are being carried out is very important, you are paying a professional after all.
Good luck!

Trifleorbust · 02/02/2017 07:57

but the bath - just sack her

Yep.

brokenheartdog · 02/02/2017 07:57

Op ex nanny and nursery worker here.

In nursery we had tv time once a day for one program when they were knackered and awaiting parents.

The rest of the day we did home made play dough, sticking pictures, stories, toys , etc.

As a nanny I followed parents instructions. I've had babies of parents living alternative lifestyles. If it isn't dangerous I follow it.

I would have warned her over just the salt. I would sack her for the bath incident.

Beautifullymixed · 02/02/2017 07:58

Also, the tv situation - I wouldn't bother explaining myself, let alone justifying anything.
If you want to sit on the sofa in your pjs, watch Jeremy Kyle/c beebies and eat takeaways all weekend = your choice.
If you are paying a professional to take care of your kids = again, your choice, and your instructions need to be followed.

End of.

Xenophile · 02/02/2017 07:59

I'm glad you're getting rid. The bath and the salt would be enough for me to have got rid too.

The bath incident is obvious, but the salt in food is helping to set them up for really bad eating habits in future.

Hope you find a more qualified nanny who has the best interests of your children at heart. This one hasn't

FurryLittleTwerp · 02/02/2017 08:00

She sounds unsafe, thick & a bit devious to me.

Why on earth didn't she tell you the toddler had had a nap before you went to put him down? Because she knew she'd gone against your instructions!.

Anyone looking after small children surely knows that routine is important - she's bolloxing it all up!

Itsseweasy · 02/02/2017 08:01

No idea why you're getting harsh responses here!
The nanny sounds awful. She's not doing as you, her employer, has asked. In fact she is actively endangering your childrens' lives - leaving an 18 month old unattended in the bath to fold towels?!
Absolutely dismiss her, there are excellent nannies out there who wouldn't dream of doing these things.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 02/02/2017 08:05

YANBU. To be honest I'd sack her just for leaving an 18 month old alone in the bath with just a 4 year old for company! Who the fuck does that?? And the salt adding - that's not acceptable.

Also YANBU about the TV - you're paying the nanny to look after your DC, not park them in front of the telly. Sounds like they have enough TV at other times. You're the employer, she needs to follow your rules.

Original poster

Ponderingprivately · 02/02/2017 08:14

OP, I'm not sure why you feel you need to pass my test
Because you used your post to deliberately provoke me, with the strikethrough and all, so I'm surprised you didn't expect a response .

Thanks again, I am appreciative of all your thoughts and advice.

OP posts:

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