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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to this rude man on the train?

329 replies

Tabbylady · 01/02/2017 21:10

Sometimes I commute by train. Today coming home I was at a table with a woman & baby opposite me and man next to me. I've seen the man a few times- it's a small train and we obviously do a similar commute.

I had smiled at the woman and commented on her cute baby before the man got on. The woman started to breastfeed her baby and almost immediately the man started making disgusted noises and told her to "go and do that in the toilet". She seemed really shocked/speechless.

I said excuse me but she isn't bothering me and I'm opposite her, pointed out that it's illegal to stop someone from breastfeeding in public now, and invited him to go and eat his smelly egg sandwich in the toilet instead. He wasn't really having any of it and said she was flaunting herself, to think of the effect it might have on "those boys" (a table of oblivious teenagers halfway down the train). The woman was now in tears. I'd had a bad day at work and lost the plot a bit.

For context, I work in criminal justice. I was working on my laptop on a presentation on sex offenders I'm due to do, where I have some expertise. (OK to do on a train, it's in the public domain and no graphic images etc!) but did notice him peering at my laptop screen.

I told him, very loudly, that if he was unable to cope with the merest sight of breast in a completely appropriate, public context and was finding himself uncontrollably aroused then I was seriously concerned that he was some kind of sexual deviant and should seek help immediately. I did this in a very earnest, straight-faced, concerned-for-your-health and totally PA way. People nearby noticed, and laughed. He was all flustered, went scarlet and buried himself in the Metro.

I got off at the same stop as the woman and apologised to her as I did not want to have embarassed her. She said it was ok and that she wasn't embarrassed, nice to have been stuck up for etc so I know I did broadly the right thing there.

But did I take it too far with the man? He was being really awful, but I was pretty rude and he was clearly embarrassed. I'll probably see him again on the train. Do I need to apologise to him too??

I'm imagining him on oldmansnet complaining about this nasty random young(ish) woman who accused him in public of being a sex offender!!!

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 02/02/2017 09:45

It sounds like he's a fairly 'outspoken' person himself, so I don't see anything wrong in treating people in manner they treat others as obviously this is how he 'gets the point'.

pooh2 · 02/02/2017 09:51

No need to apologise! He shouldn't have been harrassing her. Well done for sticking up for the mum Flowers

Trifleorbust · 02/02/2017 10:02

He was a twat.

I am bf at the moment so sometimes in public. I have practised my response: "I am going to continue so please feel free to complain to the [in this case] train manager."

TeaTowelQueen · 02/02/2017 16:04

Good for you, he said a lot worse to her, let him live with that!

Thank you for sticking up for the mum x

TeaTowelQueen · 02/02/2017 16:05

PS I bet the daily fail don't pick up on this one!!!

Egoanono · 02/02/2017 16:25

You sound brilliant. I have had enough of blatant sexism/rasicm etc too and would call it out just like you.

Bubbles34 · 02/02/2017 16:25

Haha brilliant well done! I'm sure the mum was very grateful! X

SenseiWoo · 02/02/2017 16:29

I agree with whoever said calling him a sex offender was too much, but you did the right thing.

As for He didn't reply at all, just buried his head and his egg sandwich in the Metro? Surely he must have said something?, in my direct (and weary) experience of years of commuting, there are men who are happy to bully women they think will be cowed, but who will retreat into silence if they get a stroppy reaction.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/02/2017 16:33

Well done you. He was being rude to this lady who was feeding her baby.

morningtoncrescent62 · 02/02/2017 16:35

I wish I could think of clever responses like this at the time. Unfortunately I usually think of them afterwards. Well done, and YWNBU.

Phantommanflinger · 02/02/2017 16:42

I fucking love you. Don't apologise and don't ever change. I want to say things like this to breastfeeding creeps but always get tongue tied and end up saying 'just fuck off you weirdo' or something similarly ineffectual.
Well done

SenseiWoo · 02/02/2017 16:43

I used to wish for people to complain about my sister breast-feeding in public, because she was so good at scathing put-downs. Sometimes the disgruntled one (sadly, it was overwhelmingly older women who complained) would start marching towards her, then slow down as they noticed her gimlet eye and ferocious expression, before darting off to the side as if they had never intended to take her to task in the first place, oh dearie me no. Then she and I would exchange a smirk and she would carry on. This was over 20 years ago, and it is very sad to read that some odd individuals are still making a song and dance about it.

Elphame · 02/02/2017 16:45

Good for you - and don't you even think of apologising.

SparkleMotions · 02/02/2017 16:47

Good on you! This man got what he deserved, how dare he ask a breastfeeding Mum to go to the bathroom, pretty sure he doesn't eat in a toilet, so why should a baby?! Bloody idiot!!

Purplebluebird · 02/02/2017 16:51

You did the right thing!

BarbarianMum · 02/02/2017 16:51

Calling him a sexual offender would have been too much but suggesting he might be sexually deviant was.just.perfect. Smile

FatherPissmas · 02/02/2017 16:56

2

Basicbrown · 02/02/2017 16:56

Sitting next to someone eating an egg sandwich on trains makes me feel queasy...!

This is what women need to do, stand up for each other. Make sexist, caveman males look ridiculous for their discriminatory views and send them to hide behind their metro newspapers.

While remembering most men aren't like this.

RazzleMazzle · 02/02/2017 16:57

HERO

toptoe · 02/02/2017 16:59

You just taught him a valuable lesson: when you have a go at someone vulnerable, you're just showing everyone what an odd person you are. You did him a favour (if you feel any guilt - which you shouldn't). You were absolutely right to call him out on sexualising her breastfeeding.

BeMorePanda · 02/02/2017 16:59

OP you were brilliant & heroic - don't doubt yourself the man was an arse and deserved all he got (and more).

I wish I was there to see it.

GeekyWombat · 02/02/2017 17:13

If I knew you I'd buy you Cake

You don't owe him an apology. Maybe he'll think twice next time. Good for you!

LovelyBath77 · 02/02/2017 17:13

Well done!

VodkaLimeSoda27 · 02/02/2017 17:15

You're amazing OP! Smile don't know wtf is wrong with people that they would try and humiliate a breastfeeding mother for the most natural thing in the world. He deserved what he got.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/02/2017 17:17

Well done. That'll larn him!
The only person who's ever objected to my dd feeding her babies in public was an older woman of the 'Disgusted, Tunbridge Wells' variety.