Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler behaviour and food on floor in cafe... AIBU?

420 replies

NettleCake · 01/02/2017 13:36

DD is 18months and won't sit in a highchair for more than 5-10 mins (screams, stands up and tries to climb out!)

We have lunch out most days. Mainly cafes and coffee shops. DD runs off constantly to explore, so I end up chasing her, apologising as she gets in people's way. If the cafe has toys she'll play with them for about 5 mins then loses interest.

What do other mums do? We have things on in town most mornings and afternoons, so too far to go home for lunch.

Also she's very messy, throws food on floor, shakes juice etc. I pick up as much as possible but I'm busy chasing her or holding onto her so often leave some of the mess.
I've had a few cross looks from staff. Am I supposed to ask for a dustpan and brush? If I restrain her in buggy/highchair while I clean the floor she'll scream. DH says not to worry about the floor.

How do we eat out without upsetting people... and how long does this stage last?

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 01/02/2017 19:30
Confused

Sounds like you have little regard for the staff. A cafe isn't there for your DD to wreck - you are responsible for her.

DaphneDeLaFontaine · 01/02/2017 19:32

Have your friends not had a word with you?

I would not able to stop myself if saw this behaviour more than once.

WankingMonkey · 01/02/2017 19:38

I nearly always ask for a dustpan and brush or similar when my kids have made a ridiculous mess. A few chips on the floor or something I don't as a little mess is expected. If I do not ask for some reason, or they tell me that they will do it, I tend to leave a tip.

Trifleorbust · 01/02/2017 19:40

This is also an accident waiting to happen. A cafe worker or customer with a tray of hot drinks or glass is going to trip over your DD and drop scalding liquid all over the cafe. Your DD or another customer or the staff could be injured. Really unfair to all involved that she seems to be able to run around basically unsupervised.

MidniteScribbler · 01/02/2017 20:02

Poor kid probably has no time to breathe. She's always doing something, all of the time. So what if she gets bored at home? Children have to learn that. I'm a single parent and was studying full time when DS was young. He learnt very quickly that there were times when he wasn't the centre of attention and he would have to play with his toys, or entertain himself. Now he's five, and really good about settling himself down with some lego or his trains, or I go looking to see what he's doing, and he'll be at his little desk drawing or out on his trampoline. He still gets plenty of time with me, but it's not constant stimulation. He has to make his own entertainment.

I see it all of the time at school. Kids who have been constantly entertained and given activities for all of their young lives. They get given a bit of choice, and they can't work out what to do with themselves. They'll even come up to you on the playground - what do I do? I'm bored. Let children learn how to entertain themselves.

physicsisfun · 01/02/2017 20:03

Wow! Can you really not see that YAB incredibly U?

I by no means have perfect DC, but I can say I have not once ever let them run anywhere in cafe or similar. I'd leave before that would happen.

With DC1 that meant we did not eat lunch out (with her awake) during the 12-24 month window as she didn't like food much and just would not sit. We occasionally fed her a picnic lunch in buggy then walked her to sleep so we could eat out.

With DD2 it's a different story. She is 2 now and has always been great at sitting in a high chair with her lunch.

My point is, it's not your fault if your 18month old DC can't sit, some do, some don't. It IS however your fault if you take her anyway and let her create havoc. Totally unacceptable. If you must be in town every day ( seriously?!) then find a quiet bench in a shopping centre or similar and feed her a packed lunch in her buggy. There is no excuse for allowing any of the behaviour you describe.

It does get better. My eldest is now fine to take anywhere. You may just have to accept that for a short window of her life that is clearly not an option.

Doublemint · 01/02/2017 20:16

She doesn't respond to 'no' yet or just laughs defiantly at me!

Doesn't respond to no?! My 12 month old understand that when mummy says no it's a bad thing. My 2 year old understood at the same time. That doesn't mean they always listen and they constantly test the boundaries (do it anyway etc).

Really you don't need a "response" from her at all. You say "no" when she's doing a dangerous or negative behaviour or take a away the toy or object she splaying with if it's. It allowed and carry on as you were.

Start at home where she can scream without embarrassing you then step it up and take her out and about, teaching her that the same rules apply outside as inside. Go to child friendly restaurants where a toddler having a meltdown isn't totally unusual and there are other parents.

dustarr73 · 01/02/2017 20:16

Plus 18 month old is such a confusing age for teh child.They are starting to understand a lot but are still babies.

I found reins very good,gives the kids a bit of freedom but you are still in control.

And i would knock so may activities on teh head.Its too much.

Doublemint · 01/02/2017 20:17

So many typos! Blush

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 01/02/2017 20:23

go to McDonald's

Hmm yes because the low paid workers there are much happier to clean up and the hoi polloi don't give if a shit if they have a screaming toddler running about.

ILoveMonkeys · 01/02/2017 20:25

I work in a family restaurant. My biggest peeve is people who don't make an effort to tidy up after their kids.

If they tidy up, great. If they ask for a dustpan I will usually say not to worry I will sort it as at least they have acknowledged the mess. People that make no effort at all are just rude.

And yes, I have 2 DS so I know what it can be like.

MGFM · 01/02/2017 20:37

We have a 21 month old who hates the high chair when we are out and he is very much , I'm done now, where can I play type. Won't sit still. We find he actually does better in Costa for example if he sits on a proper chair. Obvs the cake helps. And then if we are still eating or chatting or whatever the he gets post man pat on my phone until we are done. Occasionally he will play with the crayons etc like in pizza express but they usually end up on the floor.

In my area a new cafe has just opened up and it is a play cafe. Toddlers everywhere, it is fab. You know there are going to be toddlers everywhere and there are great
Toys etc.

OhHolyJesus · 01/02/2017 20:39

I've only recently started doing lunches away from home as it's so stressful. It's important for you to get out and see friends and for your DD to be stimulated in different environments. You sound responsible and aware of the safety and etiquette of eating out with a small child so I hope you don't take any criticism here too much to heart.

If there were certain foods she could be mostly relied upon to eat, even if it's mostly snacks I would give her those - I do fishfingers, crackers, sandwiches and sausages as they are easy to pick up!

Certain places like Pret are child friendly and lots of soft play places have space to feed the kids.

I mostly do a quick clean up whilst DS is in his high chair but if she doesn't do that then just hold one arm so she can't run off or if you can bear it make it a game. Not easy I realise so I wish you luck and hope you don't resign yourself to stay indoors until picnics are possible!

babychamcherryb · 01/02/2017 20:51

Felicia - sorry obviously insulted your fave restaurant.

They give you food on plastic trays so not so much goes onto the table and anyone expecting a quiet meal in McDonald's is lucky if a fight doesn't break out with the police being called whilst they're eating their muck.

corythatwas · 01/02/2017 20:53

When mine were that age, any eating out or travel on public transport would involve constant work on my part: distracting them, keeping them busy by telling stories or talking to them, holding on to them so they couldn't get away. We once did a train journey to Berlin - a good 19 hours on the train- with 22mo dd and dh and I worked flat out. But not once was she allowed to get in the way of other passengers or compromise anyone's safety. You either accept that that is your job or you don't take them.

And if you are in a place where you can walk out, then you do walk out the moment the child starts shouting or otherwise make a nuisance of themselves.

Sweets101 · 01/02/2017 20:54

The lots of wetwipes, some for you to pick crap up off the floor some for to wipe stuff with whilst you do it. DS loves that. And go to child friendly places obvs.

user892 · 01/02/2017 20:59

babychamcherryb - bit extreme?! Not a fan of the occasional McDs I take it...

MrsBlennerhassett · 01/02/2017 21:00

Pick your cafes!! I have a 2 year old and some cafes are great and others are not. Costas tend to be quite good and dont worry about the mess too much always say dont worry about it when i try to clean up. Of course it can be crowded then i dont go in because its annoying for the other people!
My son does like looking out of the window and in alot of costas they have those big comfy chairs which i turn to be against the glass so he can watch the people walking past. I give him his babychino and a toy and he will sit happily like that for half an hour waving at people etc.
Also we sometimes drive to the service station starbucks because its always nearly empty and is set up so theres a section he can just run round and round in without getting into any trouble. Also the staff are usually quite bored because its empty so love playing with him.
The town hall cafe here is also quite good the staff are all great and theres plenty of space.
I think just do some investigation into local cafes as some will be okay but others a no no.

user892 · 01/02/2017 21:01

Poor behaviour is just as annoying and unacceptable in McDonalds as anywhere else. No need to be so insulting.

MrsBlennerhassett · 01/02/2017 21:10

Some Maccy Ds have soft play sections in dont they? I saw one once that had an enormous soft play bit with a ball pool and a slide! Ive forgotten where it was sadly. They have started doing slightly healthier food of late. You can get carrot sticks and grape packs so i think if you just wanted a quiet coffee you could just sit in there with ur toddler in the soft play have ur coffee, give him some grapes and be on your way. No need to tuck into ten big macs.

KayTee87 · 01/02/2017 21:11

Op others have said it but if I were you I'd cut out the afternoon classes. Push her Nap back by 15 minutes each day until she's napping over lunch time (you'll need to get her nursery on board with this too). A 1 hour nap during the day doesn't sound very long for her age and she would likely start to sleep for longer if she was in a routine of going into her cot for her naps. It's probably all a bit too stimulating for her at the moment.

It will take a couple of weeks to change habits but if you manage to get her Nap sorted / longer you will then have an hour or two to yourself at home to have your own lunch etc. And you'll feel up to tackling the rest of the day.

I know this isn't what you asked but you'll have less stressful lunchtimes. You could always just go for a walk in the afternoon to kill some time.

Marmalade85 · 01/02/2017 21:13

Wrap up warm and take her to the park and with some homemade sandwiches.

DaisyQueen · 01/02/2017 21:15

I would never let a child run around a cafe. When my 2 were little they either sat in the highchair/pushchair or we left.
My dd scolded herself with coffee and she was lucky she didn't need a skin graft and even luckier it wasn't on her face. My guilt hasn't eased 4 years later and I think for someone else to inadvertently scald your child would be 10x that because you have allowed her to run wild.
Any mess was wiped up with a baby wipe or napkin, simply strap the child in and clean the mess, I'm sure everyone would rather hear cries for a few mins than to see the carnage you just ignore and walk away from.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 01/02/2017 21:15

Don't go, sorry but that would piss me off, and I have an 18 month old. I can't honestly believe you would keep taking her in isn't it embarrassing?!

user892 · 01/02/2017 21:16

Oh sorry MrsBlennerhassett if you thought my comment about McDonalds was aimed at you Blush

I was addressing babychamcherryb who said:-

Go to McDonald's or eat at home... anyone expecting a quiet meal in McDonald's is lucky if a fight doesn't break out with the police being called whilst they're eating their muck

... Which sounded fairly ignorant and snobbish to me!