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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler behaviour and food on floor in cafe... AIBU?

420 replies

NettleCake · 01/02/2017 13:36

DD is 18months and won't sit in a highchair for more than 5-10 mins (screams, stands up and tries to climb out!)

We have lunch out most days. Mainly cafes and coffee shops. DD runs off constantly to explore, so I end up chasing her, apologising as she gets in people's way. If the cafe has toys she'll play with them for about 5 mins then loses interest.

What do other mums do? We have things on in town most mornings and afternoons, so too far to go home for lunch.

Also she's very messy, throws food on floor, shakes juice etc. I pick up as much as possible but I'm busy chasing her or holding onto her so often leave some of the mess.
I've had a few cross looks from staff. Am I supposed to ask for a dustpan and brush? If I restrain her in buggy/highchair while I clean the floor she'll scream. DH says not to worry about the floor.

How do we eat out without upsetting people... and how long does this stage last?

OP posts:
DisneyMillie · 01/02/2017 17:18

I think extra nursery or play dates with friends and their children are good ideas - it's so much easier to get together at home where there are toys to keep little ones entertained.

I don't think everyone should leap to the conclusion that the child isn't napping enough and is overtired - she might be or she just might not be a sleepy one - my dd didn't nap at all from 18 months and was fine with that (12 hrs at night was enough for her)

Iknowyouwontlikethis · 01/02/2017 17:24

Yes very unreasonable. I have 2 under 4 and struggle in a cafe. We rarely go only if we really need to. They are much better now but they bicker. And I can't be doing with that. They do still try to run around but sharply stop when they have been told and do not make a big mess any more. So we are starting to do these things more. But only recently. I just didn't go to coffee shops. It was too exhausting and they would prefer to go to the park for a picnic or sandwhich in the buggy. What toddler wants to sit in a coffee shop quietly. You don't need to do activities everyday. Try just the park or play games at home. Is it really necessary to be put even day?

MadMags · 01/02/2017 17:27

Would it really kill you to just be at home with her for a bit?

She gets bored? She's 18 months old!

You need to spend time with her, not with your friends. It would be a shame for you to miss your daily lunches with friends, but not her. And certainly not the staff of the cafes!

tiggytape · 01/02/2017 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoSherryForMe · 01/02/2017 17:31

I feel your pain, OP. My DD (nearly 3) is a total tear away in cafes and restaurants, so for everyone's sanity we avoid. But we both go a bit mad staying at home, bouncing off the walls. I either feed her at home, between activities, or go somewhere like soft play with a cafe, where she can burn off loads of energy, have something to eat and then do more bouncing. And no one goes to soft play unless they have small children, so there's no one to offend when a ketchup-coated chip whizzes wall-wards.

smileymam · 01/02/2017 17:33

Running around a cafe is dangerous, without a doubt, I think from all the posts on here you get that. You sound like your finding it really tough to be at home with her all day and are finding the days really long, so are trying to occupy her to make your time together more enjoyable for you both. If you are struggling with her there is no shame in admitting it and asking for help, you,l see there are loads of mothers feeling the same. Maybe try reducing your time out and about a little, she might benefit from a bit more quiet time at home, or even playing in the garden. You could invite friends with their children to yours instead or meeting in cafes. The cafe thing is something you can look forward to further don the line. Plus all the activities and cafe stops must be costing you a fortune.

MadMags · 01/02/2017 17:37

The thing is though, the lunches are for your benefit.

Trust me, an 18 month old doesn't "enjoy time with other kids" when she's strapped into a highchair while you're gossiping with your friends!

Robstersgirl · 01/02/2017 17:48

At home she eats in highchair but I let her get down as soon as she's finished. She runs around while we finish eating.
This. You're confusing the poor child.

NoSherryForMe · 01/02/2017 17:49

The OP's finances are none of anyone else's business!

smileymam · 01/02/2017 18:02

I didn't suggest they are any of my business simply pointing out it must be costing an awful lot to eat out everyday, which if they are enjoying it that's great, but why spend money on something that's clearly not enjoyable and it completely stressing the OP out.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/02/2017 18:03

You are giving her mixed signals

You need to encourage her to stay in highvhair after a meal at home

Say mummy hasn't finished yet and give a book

If she throws food on the floor then give her one piece of food and say no if she throws it

I think she is also over tired with all the activities and stim and 1hr sleep in am

Try and change sleep till after lunch and maybe 1/3 then only a few hours to occupy

Get friends round or play with her one to one

Do painting play dough go to park dressed warmly

At the moment dd is a risk to herself and customers if running around in a cafe

And yes always clean up !!!

pieceofpurplesky · 01/02/2017 18:08

Stop eating our everyday. Maybe she is bored of it.
Work on her behaviour

SpookyPotato · 01/02/2017 18:11

Your schedule makes me dizzy, you've probably been to more activities in a month than I have in the whole 3 years since having DS Grin She sounds like a normal 18 month old, I wouldn't put myself through all this. They really don't need all this interaction yet.

fuckoffdailysnail · 01/02/2017 18:21

My 2 year old won't entertain meals out. We don't really eat out at all to be honest until she's a bit bigger

kali110 · 01/02/2017 18:45

Op you may not let her run around, but she still does it.
It's dangerous for her and staff!
Numerous times i nearly dropped hot drinks on kids because their parents let them 'explore'.
A cafe is not the place for this.( look at another posters story).
Yes, i would clean up after her too.
I do with with my cousins and godkids when they're with me.
They made the mess, least i can do is help clean it. I clear up when i eat out, so why not when they're with me?
I'd stop it till she's older and understands more. It sounds exhausting for both of you.
Take food outside or invite people over. Then you don't need to worry about mess or anything.

babychamcherryb · 01/02/2017 18:52

Go to McDonald's or eat at home.

I hare people who let their children run around in cafes. It's a lame excuse to say you can't control them. You're the parent you control them or don't take them out.

littledinaco · 01/02/2017 19:01

I had a friend who sounds similar. I used to dread going for something to eat with her as she would let her DC get down and suddenly run off. It got worse as the children got older as hers had never been made to stay at the table. My DC starting asking why they couldn't they get down as friends DC was down. I felt a bit annoyed at times as it was hard work for me getting my DC to stay at the table and I felt like she made it even harder for me by not making her DC stay at the table.

It was a gradual thing with her, so first they were allowed out the highchair and onto her knee, then they were allowed off her knee and to stand next to her on the floor-then they would bolt and she'd have to chase them!

I know all children are different and it sounds like your DD isn't the type to sit nicely at the table so you have to either give cafes a miss for a while (it won't be forever) or if you want to carry on going you need to make sure than she CANNOT run off under any circumstances - so either in the highchar/put reins on her to stop her bolting/strapped into pram/held tightly on your knee.
I know she's only small but you need to stop her running around now as otherwise what will you do when she's 2 or 3 - suddenly say to her she's got to stay sat still at the table. That will be really confusing for her.

beela · 01/02/2017 19:01

I agree with pretty much everyone else, Yabu.

But it doesn't sound like you want to hear it. I wonder why people ask sometimes.

idgafwhatyouthink · 01/02/2017 19:19

OP sounds like a lady who lunches with no actual clue on how to raise a child in comparison to the other posters. Parents like that piss me off...no doubt if her 'little darling' was to get hurt by someone tripping over it then she would be making claims left right and centre.

KnittedBlanketHoles · 01/02/2017 19:22

Try to come up with a loud timetable that you can follow, which will enable you to get through a 7 hour stretch at home alone with baby. Something like activity, walk, book, quiet time, TV, helping with chores, activity, food etc. In whatever order works for you both. It's how they cope at nursery- a bit of structure. It might take a little while to work out a timetable that keeps you both occupied and sane but it'll be worth it for you in the long run to know that you can cope at home.

KnittedBlanketHoles · 01/02/2017 19:22
  • loose timetable
bummymummy77 · 01/02/2017 19:23

On the rare occasion I don't clean it up I leave a massive tip and apologise.

LittleRed90 · 01/02/2017 19:25

My DD went through a terrible phase of throwing food and behaving as you've described. I bought a booster seat thing and sat her at the dinner table for all meals and sat next to her. (You'd obviously have to stay at home for a few days to get into this routine)... The moment she throws food, dinner time is over. I tell her that we're done and I clean up. My mother said to me that if she throws her food instead of eating it, she's obviously not that hungry. I thought that was harsh and then got sick of it so started ending the meal time. She stopped throwing food after two days and I never thought she would stop! She's also much better behaved when we eat out now that she's used to sitting with us properly for meals. I take crayons, paper etc to keep her entertained. Good luck!

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 01/02/2017 19:25

Look I don't mean to be harsh but WTF are you talking about.

If your child can't behave themselves the majority of the time you stop doing that until they can, you leave it until they can behave.

It really isn't the place to be letting a toddler run around. I say that as someone who has a toddler. You absolutely do not have to go out for lunch every day. You might want to think about pushing her nap back so you can go out in the morning, home for lunch then nap.

MsMarvel · 01/02/2017 19:28

If she is throwing food, don't give her the food. ie you should be feeding her.

Let her feed herself and make as much mess as she wants at home, but when you are eating out, until this phase passes she shouldn't be able to get access to the food to throw it.