Toddler behaviour and food on floor in cafe... AIBU?

[NettleCake]

DD is 18months and won't sit in a highchair for more than 5-10 mins (screams, stands up and tries to climb out!)

We have lunch out most days. Mainly cafes and coffee shops. DD runs off constantly to explore, so I end up chasing her, apologising as she gets in people's way. If the cafe has toys she'll play with them for about 5 mins then loses interest.

What do other mums do? We have things on in town most mornings and afternoons, so too far to go home for lunch.

Also she's very messy, throws food on floor, shakes juice etc. I pick up as much as possible but I'm busy chasing her or holding onto her so often leave some of the mess.
I've had a few cross looks from staff. Am I supposed to ask for a dustpan and brush? If I restrain her in buggy/highchair while I clean the floor she'll scream. DH says not to worry about the floor.

How do we eat out without upsetting people... and how long does this stage last?

She's probably bored of going out all of the time and wants some one on one time with you either chilling or having play time together.

I go to lots of cafes and restaurants with two under two and always clean up and use wet wipes on the floor. At 18 months, you child probably wants a lengthy nap at lunchtime and is screaming because she is overtired and overstimulated.

You do need to stop going out for lunch until she can behave, as everyone has said. Also, get some reins if she's a runner.

She sounds knackered goodness me so many activities. Are you struggling to play with her at home? A bit of down time and chilling at home would probably do wonders. You would drive me potty in a café tbh. Of course you should tidy up and 18 months is fine for learning ( work in progress) but you have to be hands on and actually teach her. Oh and your husband sounds like a real treat wanker

Does she sit in a high chair at home? I would buy a travel booster, use it at home and then again when out. It'll be more familiar. Make it fun, ask her when you leave look let's get your seat and when you get to the cafe, again wowed look where is your seat? Etc etc.

Who the hell eats lunch out every day?

That's just well odd - and she's probably knackered from endless organised activity.

Take a newspaper in your nappy bag, put two or three pieces under the highchair, then just lift up and scrunch and bin, or ask staff to bin, when you leave. I have had 3 very messy eaters and this was the only way I could really clear up after them.

I avoided cafes like the plague for about 6 months when my dc were this age. Why would you put yourself through this??

TBH OP YABU - you let your child run around in a cafe, cause chaos and then just want to shrug and walk out, leaving the poor cafe workers to deal with the mess left in your wake.

Whenever I go out with kids, I work to the rule of leaving the table/dining area in no worse state than if we went without kids. I have worked in restaurants before, part of working in a restaurant is clearing up after patrons, but that should mean they just need to clear/wipe down the table and possibly give the floor a quick sweep, anything more and I need to clean up some mess before we leave. I don't expect the table to be left spotless when dining with kids, but that doesn't mean it's okay to just walk away from atable where half your child's meal is on the floor, the other half is on the table and you've made no effort to even just brush everything into one area onthe table.

I never expected people to clean up in the restaurants I worked at but it was always an appreciated gesture. If you told me about a spill, more often than not I'd automatically give you some napkins/blue roll to mop it up with, but only to give me time to go and get proper cleaning materials and clean it properly. If you offer, or ask for a dustpan & bush, 99% of the time I would say "Oh don't worry about it, I'll clear that up when you go" but I would appreciate the offer as it shows consideration of the fact you're making extra work for me to do, even more so if you added a quick "So sorry about the mess" too as you left.

When my toddler DS wouldn't sit nicely in cafes we just stopped eating out. Now he's two we eat out occasionally. He won't sit in high chairs for long but will sit sensibly on a normal chair, and if he doesn't he knows he will be strapped into the buggy and we'll leave. We normally take a book or toy in case he gets bored. I always pick up any food he's dropped and wipe the table.

I can't imagine eating out with a young child every day, that sounds really stressful for you and boring for them. Is there nothing closer to home you could do in the morning or afternoon so you don't have to?

If you are still reading OP I would tell you thst these phases all pass. While it's stressful do something else - yes it's a shame to miss seeing friends but after the quiet baby phase cafes are mainly stressful ! In a few months you and your friends can meet in the park. ...why not enjoy being st home with the radio on and some telly on for your little one and have a break in the middle of the day . .

Oh and I never ever let ds run around in a restaurant. And I'm as positive parenting as they come. It's rude. Stay away from cafes until they they behave accordingly.

And we try not to go out to eat with ds too often. It's an unfairly high expectation of them and probably WAY too much stimulus.

You need to get this sorted at home first. No one leaves table til everyone has finished. Once you've cracked home then you can start eating out again

We did this from the start. DS (now 11) has never screamed nor run round a cafe.

Good luck - shouldn't take long if you stick to your guns

Why do people have to have soft play areas in cafes? We used to interact with our child during the meal and after. Taking some colouring books and stickers. We still play games now like UNO and word games

Children should be sat at table with the parents - it's the only way they will learn manners as adults

You need to up the naps too. At that age my DS was still having two hours morning and two hours afternoon and still going to bed at 7pm. Your child OP sounds shattered!

Also OP. My kids also could not stay in all afternoon but I always brought them home for an hour or two to chill out at lunchtime. Then off out again later ....

Hi, my son is reaching that age and I can't drive, so I understand why you eat out a lot! I always ask for a brush to clean up; not once have I been given one. Just that folk do appreciate that you offer to clean up. ,,

If she's having a nap 10-11 in the morning then couldn't you do something at home for a bit before and after her nap, have lunch at home (invite friends to yours?) and then head off for a couple of hours in town for your afternoon activities? That breaks it up a bit.

I know that's not what you originally asked. But I agree with everyone else. Stay away from cafes until she is old enough to behave (I've been there, we just waited a few months). And yes. You are meant to clear up after them. If you can keep your child under control for the 2 minutes that takes then you shouldn't take her there in the first place. And if she makes so much mess that you can't clear it up in 2 minutes then you definitely shouldn't take her there.

Agree with pps that it's a phase during which you might have to find alternatives to eating out. A newborn can be taken anywhere because it'll just sleep. A 6 month old still finds eating a novelty and can be entertained with a bit of cucumber for hours. A 2.5 yo can start to concentrate on stuff like colouring. But this bit between babyhood and preschoolerhood...peak age of destruction. It does pass, honest

You need to up the naps too. At that age my DS was still having two hours morning and two hours afternoon and still going to bed at 7pm. Your child OP sounds shattered!

Every child is different my youngest had dropped his naps by this age.

If you can't keep her under control for 2 minutes.

Instead of meeting mummy friends at Q cafe, why not go to an indoor play center for lunch if weather is a bit rubbish? That way she eats what she wants sat down then is safe to run about whilst you finish?

Can't bear the smug 'colouring and stickers' comments. Along with the 'talking to the children' comments. You've not had a child as described by the OP then. It isn't possible to do those things.
I have had one child who was quite happy to sit and do that sort of thing for a while and another who would not sit still for love nor money. Same parents, different children.
However, there is not a cat in hell's chance I'd have eaten out most days with the 'bolting' child - too stressful for all concerned and not fair on anyone. The other one? No problem.

It does pass OP - the bolting child is now 5 and just fine in a restaurant or wherever. Ironically, now happy to draw too. 😊

My group of mum and baby friends are going through this at the moment. We only meet once a week but the lunchtimes at the local cafe were starting to get a bit fraught so now we take it in turns to each host lunch at our house. Works out cheaper over the course of a month, the kids are free to play and the adults are less stressed so we can actually have some sort of conversation! And we can stretch it to 2 hours or so as the kids are occupied, rather than 20 rushed minutes.

My ds (2.1) has good table manners at home but cafes and the like are far too interesting to him and he wants to get down and explore, chat to people etc. so he does start kicking off and getting over excited. You are simply mad to do this several times a week. Plus, teaching your dd to entertain herself at home for a bit is a really valuable skill, one that you'll be grateful of as she gets older.