Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To think my new boyfriend is actually in love with his work colleague

359 replies

wiltedflower28 · 29/01/2017 21:48

I've known him a year now, met him when he had a girlfriend and once they split he got chatting to me on facebook and asked me on a date. We ended up dating and I've now met his family. He is obviously the type of guy who doesn't like to me alone as he's had three longterm relationships and after each longterm relationship he's started a new relationship weeks later. But it didn't bother me too much as he did seem genuinely over his ex and each relationship he's had has lasted over 3 years.

So he told me about a leaving party for an old work colleague but warned me that one of the women there had the hots for him so if he seemed off with her that was why. Sure enough when he arrived he avoided being around her and made a big point of holding my hand and showing her it was me he liked. Then one of the group got drunk, put their arm around the work colleague and told her she was beautiful to which my boyfriend showed visible distress. Before she was leaving he stopped her and told her to contact him if she needed anything.

A few months later we put our relationship on facebook. A lot of people liked it but the work colleague didnt. I saw on his facebook that a few days later he messaged his work colleague asking her a question I knew he already knew the answer to. I think he might have wanted her to see his profile picture and to know we had made it faceook official and that we were together. She replied saying she didn't know the answer to the question and hoped he was well. He never replied.

But he has searched her very regularly. He has searched her more than he has searched me or his ex put together. Infact he's only looked at his ex's profile once since they split.

Also, if she is an unwanted admirer surely you wouldn't message her? And although he has only messaged her once, that doesn't mean anything. If he likes her a lot he's probably be considering messaging for a long time but only just got the courage.

She has only messaged him once and that was a few days after mine and his first date and it was strictly about work. He did reply to her first message but not subsequent ones.

She has liked one of his profile pics but it's clear she's never initiated any contact or written any comments on his wall.

I'm now pretty sure she has never made any moves on him, and looking at her she is gorgeous so I can't see her being in love with my current boyfriend eventhough he is good looking.

If you're in a new relationship and in love, why would you be searching an old work colleague you've not seen for a while and messaging them? Why would you desire them to see you're in a relationship and comment on your facebook?

My best friend is the only one I've spoken to about this, and she said he asked you out. It's out he's interested and not to worry. If he liked her he would have made some kind of move. He hasn't so isn't interested.

I just get the feeling that if she messaged him now to say let's go for a date. He would say yes. He is too scared to ask her out so is trying to get her to ask him/show interest in him.

AIBU|?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/01/2017 19:01

I'm rather fascinated by him finding God actually.

bummymummy77 · 30/01/2017 19:02

Please don't say you were 'joking' about having been pushed in to an abortion Quark. If so that's extremely cunty.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 19:04

Quark you obviously have major issues - you can of course start your own thread.

happypoobum · 30/01/2017 19:07

happy I don't think Quark likes us...

Don't say that Livia I luffs Quark and want her to crop up on all my threads!

Quarksoundslikequack · 30/01/2017 19:08

Oh for Christ sake.....I was joking about the whole handholding and all that jazz

The "other" things I said about my ex in regards to what he did.....were 100% true

Quarksoundslikequack · 30/01/2017 19:10

Hmm tried to lighten my Monday morning with a bit of light hearted banter......straight over your heads!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 19:11

So in amongst your light hearted banter you dropped in about the beatings and the abortion? Wow.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 19:12

Banter is generally funny - just so you know for the future

ilovesooty · 30/01/2017 19:18

I don't think DV is a subject for banter.

Quarksoundslikequack · 30/01/2017 19:18

I didn't throw that in for banter....I said it simply because people were becoming quite bitchy and nasty about my relationship ending because of me!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 19:23

But everyone was 'having a banter' so you decided to regain control by dropping in about DV from your Ex. I reiterate what I said earlier - you obviously have no boundaries.

2014newme · 30/01/2017 19:24

You weren't joking.

RebelRogue · 30/01/2017 19:32

At least OP now can sleep soundly telling herself "oh well...it could be worse". Grin

Quarksoundslikequack · 30/01/2017 19:34

Honestly.....you lot are seriously bored aren't you??

Hmm is this what happens when I become a mother?? Sad I become a spiteful, bitter & twisted bitch like at least a 1/3 of Mumsnetters

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 19:35

Nope - I'm a spiteful twisted bitch without being a mother Grin

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 19:36

And on what basis is the 1/3? I don't know how many million members there are but presumably you know 33% of them?

AnyFucker · 30/01/2017 19:37

Quark, just leave it, seriously

You are not coming across as a stable or decent person

RebelRogue · 30/01/2017 19:38

become a spiteful, bitter & twisted bitch like at least a 1/3 of Mumsnetters

Nope i was always one. Motherhood actually mellowed me GrinGrin

esk1mo · 30/01/2017 19:38

so you made up a whole story about having IBS and vaso vago syncope(iirc) as a joke? Hmm how is that a joke? you were bein serious and now you're backtracking Grin

Miserylovescompany2 · 30/01/2017 19:44

Dear God the psychosis is starting up again...

Willy Wonky is a man-beast who found God. Poor Vaj only wanted her hand held whilst taking a dump. That was their special time. POO-TIME.

I bet God looked down on them from a squishy rain cloud, jealousy turned God green, caused thunder and lightening all very frightening. Stole Wee-Willy-Winkle leaving Vaj with only her sarcasm.

Those poor POO babies they created together callously abandoned without a backwards glance.

bummymummy77 · 30/01/2017 19:48

I was actually going to stick up for you quark and say that joking/dry humour about painful situations we've been through is how a lot of people cope.

I'm way less of a bitch since I've become a mother. I was fucking horrible before.

MrsEvadneCake · 30/01/2017 19:51

I'm spiteful but not bitter. Am I another %Hmm

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 19:53

Evadne

Ah see now we need a Venn diagram Grin

MrsEvadneCake · 30/01/2017 19:54

Oh I love a Venn diagram Livia

Teatowelfairy · 30/01/2017 19:54

Quark are you the bat shit crazy gorgeous work colleague that OPs been ranting about? Grin