Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To think my new boyfriend is actually in love with his work colleague

359 replies

wiltedflower28 · 29/01/2017 21:48

I've known him a year now, met him when he had a girlfriend and once they split he got chatting to me on facebook and asked me on a date. We ended up dating and I've now met his family. He is obviously the type of guy who doesn't like to me alone as he's had three longterm relationships and after each longterm relationship he's started a new relationship weeks later. But it didn't bother me too much as he did seem genuinely over his ex and each relationship he's had has lasted over 3 years.

So he told me about a leaving party for an old work colleague but warned me that one of the women there had the hots for him so if he seemed off with her that was why. Sure enough when he arrived he avoided being around her and made a big point of holding my hand and showing her it was me he liked. Then one of the group got drunk, put their arm around the work colleague and told her she was beautiful to which my boyfriend showed visible distress. Before she was leaving he stopped her and told her to contact him if she needed anything.

A few months later we put our relationship on facebook. A lot of people liked it but the work colleague didnt. I saw on his facebook that a few days later he messaged his work colleague asking her a question I knew he already knew the answer to. I think he might have wanted her to see his profile picture and to know we had made it faceook official and that we were together. She replied saying she didn't know the answer to the question and hoped he was well. He never replied.

But he has searched her very regularly. He has searched her more than he has searched me or his ex put together. Infact he's only looked at his ex's profile once since they split.

Also, if she is an unwanted admirer surely you wouldn't message her? And although he has only messaged her once, that doesn't mean anything. If he likes her a lot he's probably be considering messaging for a long time but only just got the courage.

She has only messaged him once and that was a few days after mine and his first date and it was strictly about work. He did reply to her first message but not subsequent ones.

She has liked one of his profile pics but it's clear she's never initiated any contact or written any comments on his wall.

I'm now pretty sure she has never made any moves on him, and looking at her she is gorgeous so I can't see her being in love with my current boyfriend eventhough he is good looking.

If you're in a new relationship and in love, why would you be searching an old work colleague you've not seen for a while and messaging them? Why would you desire them to see you're in a relationship and comment on your facebook?

My best friend is the only one I've spoken to about this, and she said he asked you out. It's out he's interested and not to worry. If he liked her he would have made some kind of move. He hasn't so isn't interested.

I just get the feeling that if she messaged him now to say let's go for a date. He would say yes. He is too scared to ask her out so is trying to get her to ask him/show interest in him.

AIBU|?

OP posts:
Quarksoundslikequack · 30/01/2017 11:40

Op! Huge huge apologies for hijacking your post!

Apparently there is only 1 way to conduct a relationship & that is the Mumsnet way.

If you argue, you should LTB
If he seems like he's in a bad mood, you should LTB
If he messages another woman, even his mother, you should LTB
If he touches your phone, you should LTB
If he wants sex, you should do it because he's your husband & that's what you should be doing
If he wants to go out, you should allow it because he's your husband, he does what he wants!

No you've been given sound Mumsnet advice! I trust you'll LTB, like Every other woman on here has!

Hmm
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 11:43

Wow. Just wow. HmmGrin

2014newme · 30/01/2017 11:45

Urgh no boundaries or privacy even in the bathroom. I can see why the relationship didn't work out. Familiarity breeds contempt. Holding someone hand while they are in the loo is not romantic. #gross

Bluntness100 · 30/01/2017 11:47

Oh dear.

Emberroo · 30/01/2017 11:49

You're getting a rough ride here OP.

Your intuition is speaking to you, listen to it.

Quarksoundslikequack · 30/01/2017 11:52

Apologies guys!

I will ensure the next time I use the toilet & feel I will pass out, that no one comes in to help!

If anyone ever has an accident in the shower or any capacity which is classed as private.....please! DONT CALL ANYONE FOR HELP, it's far too private!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 11:53

Yeah because that's exactly the same thing...

backs away from hard of understanding 'woman'

Bluntness100 · 30/01/2017 11:56

I'm confused as to how someone helps you take a shit. Is it moral support? 🙄

The original issue quark was the thought process that someone forfeits their right to privacy if they have sex with you. It's an unusual thought process and not one many men or women would probably accept if told in advance. However as you said everyone has their own rules.

Why did the relationship end out of curiousity?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 30/01/2017 11:58

In 6 years, I've never ever seen a thread on MN where the majority consensus has been that a woman should have sex with her partner or husband if she doesn't want to. In fact, it is the opposite. Still, don't let facts get in the way of a good rant.

AnyFucker · 30/01/2017 12:04
2014newme · 30/01/2017 12:06

Candy you are on the wrong thread
Which just adds to the madness of this one

Quark surely partner can wait outside the door in case you pass out rather than hold your hand whilst you do a poo. Sorry but that would be a dealbreaker for me.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 30/01/2017 12:08

What do you mean I'm on the wrong thread? I was responding to Quark who posted at 11:40. Confused

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 12:08

According to Quark, women are told on MN If he wants sex, you should do it because he's your husband & that's what you should be doing - sadly candy is on the right thread Grin

Bluntness100 · 30/01/2017 12:09

I'm totally confused now candys response made perfect sense to me. 😂

Meeep · 30/01/2017 12:10

Oh. My. Good. God.

MrsEvadneCake · 30/01/2017 12:11
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 12:17

😂😂

Quarksoundslikequack · 30/01/2017 12:20

Oh yes because I said my ex held my hand! Hmm

MrsEvadneCake · 30/01/2017 12:20

I think there are some very funny ideas of what constitutes healthy relationships.

Miserylovescompany2 · 30/01/2017 12:24

I thought I'd happened onto another thread? Who the fuck is Willy Wonky and this Vaj woman who requires moral support whilst taking a dump? Are the by-products of toilet "us" time also given names...

All sympathies for those suffering with IBS. I knew quite a few people with the condition, but never had them state they required an actual person to side next to them. Maybe asking someone to check in ten minutes (from the other side of the door) to check they are ok? I'd get that.

Maybe I've just never been in a NO PERSONAL BOUNDARIES relationSHIT? (Sorry my fingertips got the better of me)

Quarksoundslikequack · 30/01/2017 12:24

Oh & the relationship ended because I asked him to hold my hand whilst taking a crap....Hmm

That's how all of my relationships ended Sad

Definitely should listen to your advice ladies!

Why didn't I see it all sooner, maybe I could have kept the best thing that came into my life....my ex.

Damn it! Now his new god has him.....I hope she doesn't ask him to hold her hand too!

Fuck sake!

Well, as long as I learn from my mistakes, that's all that matters.

Note to self

Don't ask anyone to hold your hand whilst having a shit
Don't let anyone touch your phone
Don't let anyone see you naked
Don't let anyone have sex with you
Don't shower/bathe with anyone

It's all far too private!

Shitting is NOT a natural human thing
Showering is NOT natural human thing

Don't do it!

Omg, thank you so much all, I actually feel so much better !!

My next relationship is going to be amazing!

candycoatedwaterdrops · 30/01/2017 12:26

Talk about me-railing!

SpongebobRoundPants · 30/01/2017 12:26

Quark your partner holds your hand while you poo? For moral support or?

Quarksoundslikequack · 30/01/2017 12:28

FYI, I suffer with vaso cavalry syncope which is triggered by my IBS. Hmm not that it's relevant.

Better call my mum and tell her she can't be there for the birth of her grandson! Far too private.....il ask her, the midwife & doctors to wait outside until I feel I need some help!

ESPECIALLY in case I shit myself..... god damn! Where are the boundaries!

MrsEvadneCake · 30/01/2017 12:28

Can I just say I nearly did a shit on my DHs head whilst giving birthShock however it's not about if you needed that support whilst I'm the loo. Each to their own. It's the fact you think that the fact you're fucking gives you all access to every bit of someone's life.

Swipe left for the next trending thread