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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To think my new boyfriend is actually in love with his work colleague

359 replies

wiltedflower28 · 29/01/2017 21:48

I've known him a year now, met him when he had a girlfriend and once they split he got chatting to me on facebook and asked me on a date. We ended up dating and I've now met his family. He is obviously the type of guy who doesn't like to me alone as he's had three longterm relationships and after each longterm relationship he's started a new relationship weeks later. But it didn't bother me too much as he did seem genuinely over his ex and each relationship he's had has lasted over 3 years.

So he told me about a leaving party for an old work colleague but warned me that one of the women there had the hots for him so if he seemed off with her that was why. Sure enough when he arrived he avoided being around her and made a big point of holding my hand and showing her it was me he liked. Then one of the group got drunk, put their arm around the work colleague and told her she was beautiful to which my boyfriend showed visible distress. Before she was leaving he stopped her and told her to contact him if she needed anything.

A few months later we put our relationship on facebook. A lot of people liked it but the work colleague didnt. I saw on his facebook that a few days later he messaged his work colleague asking her a question I knew he already knew the answer to. I think he might have wanted her to see his profile picture and to know we had made it faceook official and that we were together. She replied saying she didn't know the answer to the question and hoped he was well. He never replied.

But he has searched her very regularly. He has searched her more than he has searched me or his ex put together. Infact he's only looked at his ex's profile once since they split.

Also, if she is an unwanted admirer surely you wouldn't message her? And although he has only messaged her once, that doesn't mean anything. If he likes her a lot he's probably be considering messaging for a long time but only just got the courage.

She has only messaged him once and that was a few days after mine and his first date and it was strictly about work. He did reply to her first message but not subsequent ones.

She has liked one of his profile pics but it's clear she's never initiated any contact or written any comments on his wall.

I'm now pretty sure she has never made any moves on him, and looking at her she is gorgeous so I can't see her being in love with my current boyfriend eventhough he is good looking.

If you're in a new relationship and in love, why would you be searching an old work colleague you've not seen for a while and messaging them? Why would you desire them to see you're in a relationship and comment on your facebook?

My best friend is the only one I've spoken to about this, and she said he asked you out. It's out he's interested and not to worry. If he liked her he would have made some kind of move. He hasn't so isn't interested.

I just get the feeling that if she messaged him now to say let's go for a date. He would say yes. He is too scared to ask her out so is trying to get her to ask him/show interest in him.

AIBU|?

OP posts:
esk1mo · 30/01/2017 13:01

quark if you dont care about the way you conducted your relationship then why are you trying to justify yourself to strangers? Hmm

to the OP...it sounds like he could already have slept with co-worker, maybe when he was starting to date you. so strange for him to tell you before hand "im going to ignore her" ..was that incase you tried to speak to her? also, they could be communicating by any means, not just FB. for all you know he has realised you check his fb (since you seem to know his online activity from when he was single) and has cleared his messages with her except for 2 boring work related messages to make it look inconspicuous.

either that or he has the hots for her and she isnt interested so he's weirdly hot/cold with her.

Miserylovescompany2 · 30/01/2017 13:02

I think I'm in the midst of some sort of psychotic break? My eyes are conjuring up all kinds...

Willy Wonky found God. Giving himself complete absolution? Left Vaj holding the baby. Suffering from two debilitating conditions one of which means she can faint at any time? OK, that makes sense.

Quarksoundslikequack · 30/01/2017 13:05

I have justified absolutely nothing in regards to ANY relationships I've had.

Accused of having my handheld whilst having a shit......so replied with sarcasm Hmm

Bluntness100 · 30/01/2017 13:12

I'm off to sit on the bench with meeep. Sorry, it's got too crazy even for me.

maras2 · 30/01/2017 13:17

This reply has been deleted

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MrsEvadneCake · 30/01/2017 13:17
Quarksoundslikequack · 30/01/2017 13:19

Nope, just passing the time at work!

Miserylovescompany2 · 30/01/2017 14:24

Quark what happens when you need to take a dump at work? Does a colleague have the honor of hand holding. How do you manage your vagalvegal syncope symptoms?

MollyHopps · 30/01/2017 14:53

Shit, it isn't even half term yet!!!!!

Quarksoundslikequack · 30/01/2017 14:55

Lol, banter on Mumsnet! Grin love it

ArmfulOfRoses · 30/01/2017 16:20

What. The. Fuck.

TheNaze73 · 30/01/2017 16:36

If this is real.....WTAF?

RebelRogue · 30/01/2017 16:44

Omg this thread turned hilarious. Thanks for that..i needed it.

happypoobum · 30/01/2017 16:50

Soooo confused............

Quark I thought you said you did need your hand held when you had a shit - was that a "joke" ?

OP - your BF fancies his work colleague - dump his sorry arse.

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/01/2017 16:57
Hmm
YellowBlinds · 30/01/2017 17:22
Confused
Munted · 30/01/2017 17:50

No no, this can't be the end of the thread! Have been mesmerised for 20 minutes on the train. I'm . I need to know how these random parallel stories end up.

ilovesooty · 30/01/2017 18:35

I'm wondering what work Quark does where she has time to post all this weird stuff.

Quarksoundslikequack · 30/01/2017 18:51

I work as an admin assistant....

Secondly someone took the p!ss by saying I need my handheld whilst taking a sh!t so I went along with it!

My morning was a bit slow & boring so I thought I'd go with it

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 18:53

No you posted how fucking someone gave you the right to nose through their phone.

Then you started ranting and exaggerating and telling people your ex used to help you take a shit.

Then it got really odd...Grin

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 18:55

Actually you didn't say fucking, obviously, you used some rather vomit inducing phrasing about willy wonkas and vajayjays

happypoobum · 30/01/2017 18:56

Shut up Livia I want Quark to keep posting Grin Oh actually, go on then....

ilovesooty · 30/01/2017 18:57

Perhaps if you're so keen on nosiness you should be more closely monitored at work then. Mind you unless there are WillyWonkies about perhaps you don't think it's justified... Grin

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 18:58

happy I don't think Quark likes us... Grin

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/01/2017 18:59

Hands up who will never be able to watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory ever again? 😂

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