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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my 1 month old to sleep on his own now?!

98 replies

Crispmonster1 · 29/01/2017 21:21

One month old DS, will not sleep
Unless he is on me! I have put him down several times a night, awake, nearly asleep, fast asleep, with my clothing, with DH clothing and he will NOT stay asleep.
What am I doing wrong? He will sleep in it during the day for a couple of hours.
Help!?

OP posts:
user1484226561 · 29/01/2017 21:22

it will come, he is far too small right now

londonrach · 29/01/2017 21:23

Hes abit young. It will come but not for a month or two or in my sisters case with one of hers..a year or two. For now op just enjoy new born cuddles!!!

IAmAPaleontologist · 29/01/2017 21:23

You are not doing anything wrong, promise. He is biologically designed to do this. It WILL get better.

Are you breast or bottle feeding?

I only ask because that would affect advice given about co sleeping.

Have you heard of Isis online? The infant sleep information source, nothing to do with terrorists. Lots of fabulous, evidence based info on there and sleep advice. Just understanding about sleep and looking at the statistics on how many babies sleep at different ages can make you feel a whole lot better.

seven201 · 29/01/2017 21:24

Sleepyhead helped us.

Crumbs1 · 29/01/2017 21:24

Much too young to do anything but cuddle and feed.

londonrach · 29/01/2017 21:24

...and use any time hes asleep or someone else, been held by someone etc to sleep yourself

HmmHaa · 29/01/2017 21:25

No-one told me but as it turns out, this is pretty normal- sorry! Just keep on truckin' - it passes, I promise x

Scotinoz · 29/01/2017 21:25

You're not doing anything wrong. Little babies like to sleep with their Mum. It's exhausting, but it does get better with time. Google 'third trimester', co-sleep, drink shit loads of coffee...

Can't offer much more than that, other than a fistbump of solidarity

Anothernamesake · 29/01/2017 21:25

Sorry yabu. You're not doing anything wrong but he is tiny and just doesn't get it yet.

thewavesofthesea · 29/01/2017 21:26

In the kindest possible way, YABU. 4 week old babies want to be close to you; it's the way they are programmed. Just know that you are doing nothing wrong. Some people will come along and tell you to 'enjoy the cuddles...he'll soon be a teenager' etc. Not helpful when you are exhausted! Have you tried a sling? That way at least when he sleeps in the day you can be doing something while he is asleep.

Is co-sleeping something you would consider, if safely done? Or a bed side cot that attaches to the side of your bed?

It will get better though, that I can promise!!

TroubleinDaFamily · 29/01/2017 21:27

He is so tiny, he barely knows he is here. Four weeks ago he was in the womb safe and warm and all noise was insulated. It is a noisy enough world for a grown up, poor wee lamb. Sad

My DS was in with us until he was eighteen months.

And I am the least earth mother type person you can imagine.

Original poster
Crispmonster1 · 29/01/2017 21:28

Thank you Iampalaeontologist and everyone. Glad it's not a website about terrorism! I will look at resources. Just very concerned about SIDS and DS sleeping on me I am petrified something will happen. Also bloody knackered and desperate to sleep alone!
I am breastfeeding exclusively at the moment but been considering formula in case it helps the sleep!

OP posts:
TheSparrowhawk · 29/01/2017 21:30

He's a month! My DD didn't sleep on her own till she was 18 months!

EmpressoftheMundane · 29/01/2017 21:32

YABU

His behaviour is normsl and natural. Prepare for many more months of this.

My first DD was very clingy. I never saw myself as the "Earth Mother" type, but I carried her around in a sling a sling and coslept with her. Needs must. You have to respond to the baby you have. They soon grow, though at the moment it may seem forever.

Hang in there!

thewavesofthesea · 29/01/2017 21:33

I have only ever breastfed, but in my limited experience I'm not sure if formula would make a difference to sleep, but at least it would mean someone else could take a turn. Think about having to go downstairs, sterilise a bottle, make formula, cool to right temp......much easier to just shove boob in mouth!!

sarahnova69 · 29/01/2017 21:33

YABU. He's tiny, this is normal. He needs to be close to you to adapt to the big scary world. I'm a massive believer in the 4th trimester, just go with it. The only guaranteed result of formula is that you'll have to get up at night to make bottles.

I'd recommend cosleeping and feeding lying on your side - once baby is latched the two of you can just drift off back to sleep together. Saved my bacon.

kittymamma · 29/01/2017 21:33

I got through that stage (that seems to last forever) by remembering three things:

  1. It doesn't last forever
  2. Life is an amazing transition from snuggly womb times, allowing baby time for transition is the least we can do. I'd say allowing 9 months at least is reasonable!
  3. They are only small for such a short time, savour it, before you know it they will be throwing their toys out of the cot because you have suggested it is nap time and shouting "no!"
Grilledaubergines · 29/01/2017 21:33

He's far too young for expectations on him. A tiny newborn baby. Enjoy it like this whilst it lasts.

Lostmyemailaddress · 29/01/2017 21:33

Have you tried swaddling him? One of mine was awful to settle unless we swaddled him. My health visitor at the time suggested it when they was 6 weeks old and I broke down crying to her out of tiredness.

DrWhy · 29/01/2017 21:35

Sleepyhead in a Next to Me helped us in this situation. Even now at 18 weeks if he wakes after we've put him down but before I've gone to bed he really cries whereas if he wakes when I'm next to him he tends to join just grumble gently. I think he just wants to be close. Good luck!

Dinnerout1 · 29/01/2017 21:36

Buy a soft fleece blanket and put it around you or take it to bed with you so your scent is on there. Do that a couple of times then when you are rocking baby to sleep wrap baby in blanket and put into cot to sleep. He/she will still feel as if your holding them and it will smell of you. I did it and my midwives told me to and it worked. Good luck x

Yura · 29/01/2017 21:36

its completely normal. i've worked in infant nutrition research before - formula will not help him sleep. there are 2 main reasons for this myth: a) coincidence. bsbies change tgeir sleeping patterns quite often - easily happens with formula introduction, and b) overfeeding which potentially screws up hunger control for life. a) is harmless but expensive, b) not a good option at all...

WhooooAmI24601 · 29/01/2017 21:37

DS1 was like a dream baby, always doing exactly what I hoped. I was the smuggest cow in the universe when the non-seeping DS2 arrived and bowled me over. He was just like yours and only ever slept on chests.

I gave in and co-slept with him and it saved my sanity. He's still so very, very young, do what you need to do but formula probably won't help because he just wants to be near to you.

SpudULiked · 29/01/2017 21:37

Look at fourth trimester.

Yura · 29/01/2017 21:39

Thankfully in most cases it is coincidence!

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