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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU, to insist he tells me where we're going on holiday?

163 replies

Emboo19 · 29/01/2017 14:48

So as the title says! My boyfriend has booked a week away for valentines week, somewhere in the uk. He won't tell me where though.
We have a almost 4 month old dd and she will obviously be coming with us. Ive asked a few questions in regards to the sutibility for the baby and he just says 'don't worry', I am worrying though and he's taking offence that, I'm not trusting him to think about dd (this is a issue for us and he's really working on it)
Normally it wouldn't bother me, and he's done similar arranging surprise weekends away etc, but not since the baby.
AIBU, to say he tells me or I don't go?

OP posts:
SugarLoveHeart · 29/01/2017 14:50

Just the two of you = romantic

Plus baby = worry!

He needs to realise that things have changed... Of course you need to know where you're going!

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 29/01/2017 14:50

How do you know what to pack if he won't tell you where you are going?

Just look at his emails or whatever until you find it.

Schwifty · 29/01/2017 14:52

Could you do a little fishing with his family?

Schwifty · 29/01/2017 14:52

For clues I mean, not for a holiday!

ChasedByBees · 29/01/2017 14:53

I would. It's meant to be a fun surprise but it's not fun and is causing you hassle and worry.

Trills · 29/01/2017 14:53

How involved is he with the baby?

Do you think he is trustworthy to have thought about practicalities?

AllTheLight · 29/01/2017 14:55

What is worrying you? Can you give us an example of what might go wrong?

BeachyKeen · 29/01/2017 14:55

I would say to him that while you appreciate the hard work he is putting into setting it all up, it would be easier for you to enjoy it too if you knew the full situation so you could relax. The weekend away is supposed to be about relaxing, right?

Figure17a · 29/01/2017 14:56

Having a newish baby is hard and I understand your concern but I'd be pretty upset if dh suggested I'd book a holiday without concern for what dc need. If it's in the UK how difficult can it be to have what you need anyway?

Unless youre worried he's arranged babysitting?

Costacoffeeplease · 29/01/2017 14:57

What are your concerns, not food or weather if you're going to be in the U.K.?

NapQueen · 29/01/2017 14:57

I wouldn't mind this as long as he could answer the following questions
-how long is the drive/will there be sufficient stops for the baby?
-do we need baby cot?
-are there facilities to make up feeds? (If needed?)

AverysillyoldHector · 29/01/2017 14:58

In the nicest possible way, what might you need for your baby that may not be available on holiday in the UK?

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu · 29/01/2017 15:00

He's being The Wanker Big Man, isn't he? Doing you a big favour but not allowing you to voice your concerns.

Does he often override your concerns and feelings?

meganorks · 29/01/2017 15:02

I would be more concerned if it was a toddler or walking baby. But will a little one you just need to know if there is a cot or not. If it was overseas I might have more concerns. But in the UK I don't really see the worry

ChicRock · 29/01/2017 15:04

I hate 'surprises' like this. Ok you're staying in the U.K. but there's a difference in what you'll need to take if for example you're doing a city break vs a camping/walking holiday in the Lake District vs a few nights in a spa hotel.

YANBU.

Liiinoo · 29/01/2017 15:19

Assuming he is not a man child he would surely be capable of ensuring that anything your child might need will be packed/considered.

GrumpyOldBag · 29/01/2017 15:20

The holiday is somewhere in the UK.

It's a safe bet you won't be needing your Factor 20 or sunglasses. But take swimming gear in case there's a spa or pool.

I'd pack waterproofs for everyone, warm clothing, comfortable shoes and a nice frock and cardi in case you go somewhere posh to eat.

And make sure you have enough nappies and anything special you may need for the baby to last a couple of days/nights in case you are more than half an hour from decent shops.

Then, sit back and enjoy the anticipation of the surprise! Sorted.

KingLooieCatz · 29/01/2017 15:20

I get stressed about going away since having DS.

My brother pointed out they have children in Spain as well.

That said, part of the enjoyment is in the anticipation and if you can't look forward to it, the decent thing for him to do would be to set your mind at ease.

BeingEB · 29/01/2017 15:22

You can't trust him to arrange a cot? Ask him if he has then let it drop. He wants to surprise you. YABU.

HelsBels5000 · 29/01/2017 15:24

he's taking offence that, I'm not trusting him to think about dd (this is a issue for us and he's really working on it)
Please explain how he can work on you not trusting him to think about dd?

JaniceBattersby · 29/01/2017 15:24

There are 24 hour supermarkets everywhere these days. As long as your baby has a cot (although my babies just sleep with me anyway) and a place to make up bottles if you're bottle feeding then you don't need much else, so you? I'd take a sling rather than a pram in case it's a walking / rough terrain type break.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 29/01/2017 15:25

Sorry, posted then baby woke up!
I've asked his mum and brothers and they don't know.
My main concerns are the travel, he won't say how long, just he's driving. Sleeping, she's still in a Moses basket, never slept in a big cot. No worries on feeding as breast and not too worried on what to pack clothes wise.
It's for a week though, not a weekend.
No he doesn't often think about dd's needs and that's worrying me, but he's working on that.
All he's said is it's somewhere I want to go! And I can't think of anywhere I've said I want to go, except I missed going to London before Christmas for a shopping trip. I don't want a week in London with a 4 month old baby though.

OP posts:
Serialweightwatcher · 29/01/2017 15:26

Don't know what you're worried about - if you're in UK you can sort out most things when you get there but I think he's getting a bit offended that you can't trust him to accommodate the whole family - let him keep the surprise a nice secret for you all

HecateAntaia · 29/01/2017 15:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Figure17a · 29/01/2017 15:28

I think you're a bit unreasonable if you do trust your child's father to arrange things properly for her , but you're clearly not the surprise element of this trip (I wouldn't either) so he needs to tell you. Quite often, I find, a surprise is more for the benefit of the giver than the recipient