Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

AIBU, to insist he tells me where we're going on holiday?

163 replies

Emboo19 · 29/01/2017 14:48

So as the title says! My boyfriend has booked a week away for valentines week, somewhere in the uk. He won't tell me where though.
We have a almost 4 month old dd and she will obviously be coming with us. Ive asked a few questions in regards to the sutibility for the baby and he just says 'don't worry', I am worrying though and he's taking offence that, I'm not trusting him to think about dd (this is a issue for us and he's really working on it)
Normally it wouldn't bother me, and he's done similar arranging surprise weekends away etc, but not since the baby.
AIBU, to say he tells me or I don't go?

OP posts:

bunnylove99 · 29/01/2017 20:29

Mind trope - do you really need to make nasty comments to people you don't know about things they haven't asked your advice on? OP, pack the same baby stuff you would need for a week here, go and enjoy the trip.

Changednamesorry · 29/01/2017 20:41

Ah OK.
I did not see that you are 19. That makes a difference as you may not have years of random trips under your belt!
His intentions are still kind....but I can now better understand why you feel unsettled. Maybe do as someone else suggested and just ask the questions that are necessary from you to plan.

Mindtrope stop being a horrible judgemental bully. Being 19 and a mother is fine. She is an adult. It's not your business. 19 is biologically a super age to have a baby. Leave her alone.

storminabuttercup · 29/01/2017 20:48

I'm much older than you, my DC is much older than yours but I would feel uncomfortable with this. I like to know where I'm going! Or at least get proper answers to questions!

MyNameIsAlexDrake · 29/01/2017 21:01

I'd also want to know where we were going. Even just for things like, will there be access to a washing machine? (Won't need to pack so much clothes for baby).

Would he even tell you if you're self catering or a hotel? He can still keep the location a surprise but let you know that practical things.

Pack all baby's things in the Moses basket clothes, nappies, wipes, cream etc will give you more space in the car.

Original poster

Emboo19 · 29/01/2017 21:48

We had a good talk, once baby went to sleep. I said it's not about me not trusting him or appreciating what he's done. It's more a worry that, the things I'd have liked/enjoyed before dd are different now and where as before I felt he knew me, I'm not so sure now. That's making me feel a bit unsettled by it all and if he'd answer a few questions I'd feel better.

He's been really sweet, said he's sure I'll love it and that he's thought of the both of us. And he answered a few questions!
It's only a couple of hours away, max.
Not a hotel or a tent!!
Normal everyday clothes are fine.
The Moses basket will fit in the car, there's a cot too though.
Won't be a problem keeping dd's bedtime routine.

So I'm feeling much better I'm not allowed to ask anymore now though and I'm not to try guess!

OP posts:

Changednamesorry · 29/01/2017 21:58

Nice one Embo. I hope you have a lovely time together.

Original poster

Emboo19 · 29/01/2017 22:00

Had a couple of years of random trips Changednamesorry that's partly what's thrown me, he has no pattern with what he plans, we've done nice hotels, youth hostels, camping, hired a canal boat one time! My parents are pretty spontaneous too, so it's never really bothered me and I'm an amazingly good and quick packer. It's more if it would be something I'd enjoy right now and if he's thought about dd. If we turned up at a lovely posh hotel and I knew he'd only thought about me, it would be the end of our relationship.

OP posts:

DaphneDeLaFontaine · 29/01/2017 22:20

I think he's being mean to not tell you when it's obviously an issue to you.

gnushoes · 29/01/2017 22:23

Emboo - hope you have a lovely time - do come back and share it with us?

Primaryteach87 · 29/01/2017 22:24

I would trust DH to do this and think it was churlish to spoil his surprise by moaning BUT obviously depends on your bfs competency/daddy skills!

Helloitsme87 · 29/01/2017 22:42

Mindtrope- it's the 21st century. Getting pregnant at 19 isn't what it used to be. And OP sounds mature with a sensible head on her and wants to put her DD first. Who are you to judge.

Silverdream · 29/01/2017 22:46

I wouldn't worry. It's in this country so it's clothes you're already wearing. The only question you need answered is do we need to take a travel cot. Everything else equipment wise you'd have to take anyway. Pack swimming costumes for you and baby in case there's a pool.
Just go and enjoy.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 29/01/2017 23:03

I'm glad you're feeling better about it. It'll be the interesting to see just how much he has taken DD into account.

Tell him to be sure to buy a packet of swimables for DD if he thinks she'll be in the water. Pack your cosie too, there might be a spa 😁

AnnieAnoniMouse · 29/01/2017 23:05

Oh & pay no attention to mindtrope. They have a certain style of posting, it's not personal just twattish.

Original poster

Emboo19 · 29/01/2017 23:56

Thanks AnnieAnoniMouse I know, I'm really hoping he has thought about dd! He's been doing so good with her.
He did say we needed swim wear, he thinks there's swimming nearby, he said!!

I'm trying so hard not to ask him more questions and we don't go until the 10th! That's probably part of the reason he wouldn't tell me anything at first.

OP posts:

AnnieAnoniMouse · 30/01/2017 00:10

Arghhhh the 10th, I have to wait until then to see where he has taken you?!

I don't want to bring stuff over from your other thread, but has he done the things he said he was going to & is he getting any outside help to deal with his feelings/thoughts?

doggle · 30/01/2017 00:19

Sounds lovely. Travelling with a baby in a car, especially a breastfed one, is pretty easy once you have done it a few times. Especially with only one kid. Babies are extremely portable, and if still tiny enough to sleep in a Moses basket, are even easier. We used to travel back from Germany to the UK quite a lot - played about with trying ferry or the tunnel - if I was doing it on my own I preferred the ferry as it gave me time to get dd1 out of her chair, feed her etc. For longer journeys (over six hours driving) we found it easier to head out just after bed time. We would bath, pj, feed, and then strap 'em in the car seat. Daytime driving is ok with one, but once we had three it was easier to drive overnight.
At four months we drove back from Germany and stayed in a hostel in Wales. We took dd1 up Snowdon (first mountain, awww) and she was fine. It snowed a bit, which wasn't ideal, but we all survived. No baths lol, I think we just top and tailed for the five days.
I really miss going away with just one baby. I have really fond memories of dd1 snoozing in her car seat in dimly lit restaurants all over the uk and mainland Europe. And some great photos of her being carried around in her back or front carrier as we explored different places.
The only time we had a misfire was when our accommodation had been booked by someone else (we were travelling for a wedding) and when we got there, all the larger rooms has been snaffled by couples without kids, and the only room left for us after a seven hour drive and two ferries didn't have room for the travel cot. And had narrow bunk beds. We fannied around for a bit but couldn't make it work, even co-sleeping (too dangerous with no space and rolling risk) so we bugged out and went and found a hotel. (And then all of us ended up with norovirus, but that's a different story) dd1 was 7 mos for that trip, so a bit bigger and as she was moving we couldn't use the Moses basket. We all survived and it's a great story we still tell today - when that baby is nearly as old as you are
So, relax, enjoy, stay flexible - it's a baby, not a ticking time bomb, and you will be making fabulous family memories, even if they end up as 'omg remember that time when...' Sometimes the memories involving overcoming adversity are fonder than the ones when everything was boringly perfect.
You've made me totally broody now. Thank you for the walk down memory lane!
Have a lovely break x

Araminta99 · 30/01/2017 04:46

Sounds absolutely awful. He's being very immature by not telling you. It sounds like he's forgotten he has a baby!

Gallavich · 30/01/2017 05:29

I can see exactly why you're feeling this way given the back story. I think you will have to go on the trip and if he hasn't taken her needs into consideration then it's time for a very hard talk, about his role in her and your lives and the way he dismissed your concerns prior to the trip. Hopefully he will come through with something really great.

Original poster

Emboo19 · 30/01/2017 06:54

AnnieAnonimouse yes he has done what I asked and he's seeing someone, I've been along to one session with him so he could explain some things to me. I know I'll struggle now with waiting, he usually wouldn't tell me until nearer the time, but he said he thought I'd need more notice with the baby!

Gallavich I feel more reassured now. He seems quite confident he's thought of everything for dd, and I'm going to be pleased. So fingers crossed!
doggle glad it's brought back some good memories for you. It sounds like you had some adventures with your dc!!
I think if I felt we were more of a team I'd not feel so anxious about where we were going.

OP posts:

strawberrisc · 30/01/2017 18:19

You're being unreasonable. It's in the UK. Pack for the UK. Anything you need can be bought if need be. God, they can't do right for doing wrong sometimes. He sounds lovely.

supermoon100 · 30/01/2017 19:01

It's a lovely thing to do. I woukd be delighted and the excited if my partner did the same

Gallavich · 30/01/2017 19:03

God, they can't do right for doing wrong sometimes. He sounds lovely

This is the man who wanted to keep the relationship with the OP but without being a parent to their daughter - there is a lot of context here

DagenhamRoundhouse · 30/01/2017 19:56

Let's hope it's not white water rafting!

Original poster

Emboo19 · 30/01/2017 20:21

Oh no Dagenham I never asked if it included any extreme sports at all!!! He did say we'd need swimwear

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7