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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU, to insist he tells me where we're going on holiday?

163 replies

Emboo19 · 29/01/2017 14:48

So as the title says! My boyfriend has booked a week away for valentines week, somewhere in the uk. He won't tell me where though.
We have a almost 4 month old dd and she will obviously be coming with us. Ive asked a few questions in regards to the sutibility for the baby and he just says 'don't worry', I am worrying though and he's taking offence that, I'm not trusting him to think about dd (this is a issue for us and he's really working on it)
Normally it wouldn't bother me, and he's done similar arranging surprise weekends away etc, but not since the baby.
AIBU, to say he tells me or I don't go?

OP posts:
Needabreakfrommybrain · 30/01/2017 20:35

Have you ever mentioned wanting to go somewhere like Centre Parcs?

Crikeyme · 30/01/2017 20:40

OP, I haven't read the whole thread but I've got the gist of your situation and worries, and that you've had some pretty nasty comments thrown at you on here. So I just wanted to say that I don't think you're crazy to be concerned, but that I do hope you manage to have a brilliant time now that you feel a bit more prepared (and now that your partner seems to have a better on your and your baby's needs). Have an awesome time - you sound like a lovely mum, and I'm really pleased for you that your partner wants to show his appreciation in this way. Enjoy yourself!

Downstairspoo · 30/01/2017 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 30/01/2017 21:07

Ha, it's funny Needabreak I've been thinking and I remembered on one of our very first dates, we were talking about childhood holidays. My parents were the let's just go off in a camper van or head to Poland for their Woodstock festival type. He thought it sounded great and I said as a kid I used to be so jealous of the kids going to butlins or all inclusive in Majorca for a week. And I confessed to once ordering a centerparcs information pack and watching the DVD over the summer holiday so I could tell my friends I'd been Blush
So I'm thinking that's maybe what he's planned. If he remembers that conversation it was over 3 years ago and I don't think I've ever really mentioned it since.

Thanks Crikeyme

OP posts:
38cody · 30/01/2017 21:37

If you'd booked the surprise you'd be sure to accommodate baby's needs - I'm sure he has too unless you have a reason to consider him not likely to do so?
Relax - and enjoy.

Gallavich · 30/01/2017 21:46

I'm sure he has too unless you have a reason to consider him not likely to do so?

Yeah she really does actually. See post above. They are a very young couple and he thought he could keep the girlfriend without being a parent to the baby. He has issues.

cherish123 · 30/01/2017 21:51

I am a control freak so I would need to know but I do not see how the baby would have an impact on the trip. What are you imagining he might book? Most places are suitable for a baby. At 4 months, they are quite easy to travel with. You can do most adult hols with a baby. It's when they get older that you have to consider them more in travel arrangements. I took my 4-month-old to Madrid and he just fitted in with the trip.

P.S. you will need to take a lot less than you think you will!

kazmina10 · 30/01/2017 22:11

He sounds about 12 years old. With the idea of a romantic week - he probably has no idea you're bringing the baby. Most likely thinks you can leave it behind. Sorry I'm more concerned about his lack of involvement than having a week away with him.

Belsel8 · 30/01/2017 22:25

Sorry but unless I'm missing something here what is the actual problem ! You're coming across as uptight and ungrateful ...I would just chill and go with the flow otherwise be Careful not to drive the man away Hun

Original poster
Emboo19 · 30/01/2017 22:55

He's 23 kazmina he definitely knows dd is coming, I did feel the need to check that as soon as he told me he'd booked
somewhere though Hmm
Belsel8 I've mentioned in that I have concerns over him not thinking of dd! So yes there is a bit more to it!
Honestly, I can't imagine myself ever, being 'careful' not to drive a man away. If he wants to go he's welcome to go, his loss!!!

OP posts:
ChocoChou · 30/01/2017 22:58

bless him.. sometimes men just can't get it right can they?! Grin
on the plus side, you are in the UK so there will always be somewhere you can buy provisions.
Relax, it'll be fine

JackLottiesMum · 30/01/2017 23:15

I would be worried if he had booked to take you overseas but I'm sorry I don't get the stress about going somewhere in the UK. You will need the same things wherever you go in the UK - with the exception maybe of whether you need a travel cot so I would ask about that plus ask how long the car journey is.

Benedikte2 · 30/01/2017 23:50

Good luck OP -- I hope you enjoy your holiday.
Please do return and tell us where you went and how you managed etc

Gallavich · 31/01/2017 06:26

Sorry but unless I'm missing something here what is the actual problem

Yes you are missing something, like reading the actual thread Hmm

Original poster
Emboo19 · 31/01/2017 09:23

Thanks Benedikte2 I'll try remember to post back, when we've been.

I probably should have been clearer in my op Gallavich I think most people are thinking I'm worried about not been able to get nappies etc! It's more to do with if he's thought about dd, and not a lovely romantic couples week for us! You know the back story so it's easier.
Someone earlier on, said about giving him opportunity to plan and take care of dd (along those lines anyway.) So now I know a few details, I'm going to leave the rest to him. Hopefully he won't let us down and if he does, well at least I'll know for sure where his priorities lie!!

OP posts:
sarebear1983 · 31/01/2017 10:01

I'm abit of a planner etc, but I'd really try and be as chilled about this as possible. He's obviously trying to do something really nice for you all and trying to prove that he can be trusted. I can see why you'd be a bit apprehensive, but I can understand him being hurt more.
Try and think of what could go right rather than what could go wrong. I think it's so thoughtful that he's doing this in the first place….really what is the worst that can happen? This could be a massive step in him feeling more confident with thinking of you as a 3 instead of a 2 and therefore great for you all in the long run.
He needs the chance to do as you've requested, don't rain on his parade and go with it! : )

Natstar98 · 31/01/2017 10:18

In December my family packed up the car and headed to the Scottish Highlands for a week. The drive took us 10 hours, the car was jam packed with 6 people (including a 5 month baby), a medium dog, pushchair, food, clothes etc. Was all a bit stressful but was well worth it and we had the most amazing time. I'm one of those people who hates any type of surprise, but your OH wants to do something nice for you and your child. Let it go, pack everything you may need, give him chance to show you he can do this and enjoy it. If he makes a big balls up then you know not to let him make plans like this again!

Kisathecat · 31/01/2017 16:13

Stop worrying, trust in him and go and enjoy yourself. It's not fair to treat your man like an idiot if he says he's got it all in hand, believe him. You can voice your concerns to be sure. He's the daddy if you don't allow him to be responsible how can he be?

TheNaze73 · 31/01/2017 16:19

Smoke the peace pipe.

If you can trust him enough to have a baby with, surely you can trust him enough to book a Uk holiday?

Original poster
Emboo19 · 31/01/2017 19:30

Thanks sarebear1983 that's pretty much what I'm doing now. I'll pack my things and dd's clothes/bedding, he said he will take care of the rest.

Sounds fun Natstar98 my dd's not great in the car, she doesn't sleep like most babies do and if she feeds and we get back in the car, she's sick. So I was dreading it being somewhere far. He booked a weekend in Brighton (6 hours drive) when I was 8 months pregnant! I feel better knowing it's only a few hours away.

Kisathecat in fairness he can be a bit of a idiot!

TheNaze73 didn't really trust him to have a baby with! Just put too much trust in the contraceptive implant!!

OP posts:
Daddymcdadface · 01/02/2017 06:50

I can appreciate that you are worried and he does need to give you more information though that doesn't mean he has to tell you where you are going , You do need to know a few things like journey time type of accommodation, As you have said its not going to be fun if you are stressed out

Mindtrope · 01/02/2017 07:03

The OP is uncomfortable with the secret element and the surprise- yet he "wants to do something nice" by doing this Hmm

To benefit who exactly?

Not the OP. She would rather know. He is "taking offence" to her worrrying- so ignoring her feelings.

I would be offended that my feelings were being ignored like this. I find it all very passive aggressive on this guy's part. I hate surprises and I like to be organised and prepared- maybe do a little research to find out things of local interest/ baby friendly stuff to do.

There is no shame in having an approach like this. My OH would never book a "surprise" and want to control me like this- to be "offended" at my worrying FFS.

Sounds like this guy is trying to play the big man here.

Mindtrope · 01/02/2017 07:05

" though that doesn't mean he has to tell you where you are going "

Why not- I would want to know. I wouldn't go otherwise.

I don't want to be treated like a 3 year old having a surprise holiday. I like to be in control of my situation.

llangennith · 01/02/2017 07:20

YANBU. Your BF is getting lots of pleasure from planning his surprise but as it's meant to be for your benefit, and it's clearly causing you anxiety, he should tell you exactly what his plans are.
If it is Centre Parcs you'll need to take much more with you than if you're staying in a hotel.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 01/02/2017 14:27

He's not the big man type at all Mindtrope he doesn't book things so I'll be grateful or to control me. I do believe he's genuinely just trying to do something nice. He's told me the things I really wanted to know, so I'm feeling fine about it now.

OP posts:
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