AIBU to think I've just been put in my place by DS' girlfriend

[Butteredpars1ps]

DS has been away for a week. His GF texted earlier to ask if she could come round and cook a surprise special meal for them. Obv not a problem and she's a nice girl btw.

She has just asked me if DH, DD and I will be eating before them or after them!!! That kind of tells us to bugger off doesn't it? She's 16 FFS.

I'm going to have to keep on the right side of her aren't I?

Poor girl.

Being called a madam and stuff. She's 16 and tone doesn't come across well in texts. She was just trying to work out what the best time to cook is etc. If she has no form for rudeness why jump to that conclusion?

It really does sound as if she wants to prepare a lovely meal for your ds and just wants to figure out schedules. I would be delighted to accomodate her.

She sounds lovely. Reading the message from my pov she is simply asking when the kitchen will be available so she's not under anyone's feet. Some of these replies are shocking and I pity the future dil's

Aw I think she sounds nice and polite.

OP maybe you could treat yourself to a meal out. DS and GF have special meal. You have nice meal out and no washing up.

That would also have the added bonus of them not having to worry about trying to be quiet when they have dessert a shag and you don't have to pretend not to hear them.

I wouldn't know what to make exactly from her text.

But I don't see it as rude or her telling you to bugger off. She's asked what time you are eating - the only question is why? It could be not sharing kitchen, planning her own timings or something else?

Not rude at all. Ah, young love 💕

I don't think she's being a madam. I think she planned something lovely but wanted to subtly (or not so) check you weren't expecting a full family meal.
She sounds sweet. Remember she's just 16.
I'd text back that you'll be ordering take away so the kitchen is hers for the evening.

I think she sounds lovely. I hope my DSes choose so well. If it were me I'd say we'd vacate the kitchen / dining room for then, then I'd hole up in the living room or upstairs with the rest of the family and a take away.

youarenot Sex on the table

I think she would be very surprised by your interpretation of what she said, OP! I think she was just trying to sort out the practicalities, and be polite, as an earlier PP said.

Cut her some slack - she's sixteen! I think your son is very lucky!

OMG. The number of people here who are going to be the butt of MIL threads in 20 years is astounding. No self awareness at all.

It was a lovely idea and reasonable question to ask.

Yabu. You have not been 'put in your place' I think it's lovely of her to want yo do this for your son. The rest of you could head out for dinner yourselves and leave them in peace to enjoy it.

"I don't see what's rude
It reads to me like she's trying to ascertain what time works best for you for her to be using your kitchen?"

and

"She asking about timings. That's all. Trying to be accommodating and asking when the kitchen will be free. I really don't think she's asking to have the house to herself! I think it's lovely."

The above posts are what I think too. Not rude in the slightest. It's worrying that you think you've been "put in your place" because it means you're putting the worst possible complexion on the things she's saying, to quite an extreme degree.

Yet if the poor girl didn't text OP would doubtless be on here moaning that she was under her feet whilst she was trying to prepare dinner and why didn't she have the decency to plan around the family. I swear some people are just awkward for the sake of it. If my son is lucky enough when he's that age to find a nice young woman to want to cook him a nice romantic meal because she had missed him I'd be over the fucking moon for him (and her) and would go out of my way to make it special for them, I'd even go out for a few hours so they could have some peace.

Didn't expect so many replies! We have just eaten and I'm upstairs with
Have left them to it. I do think she's a lovely girl and I'm amused rather than offended. She got her message across clearly, but politely. I'm secretly impressed that at 16 she has that level of maturity. I think you'll all find that I fell into line

Of course she doesn't want to make a bloody family meal! Jesus, how ghastly! She wants to make a meal for her boyfriend and have the dining table to themselves, so is simply checking how this will work logistically. If the thought of giving them privacy is so offensive to you, just say no

Her 'message'? That she would prefer to eat alone with her boyfriend? Some seriously odd thinking going on here. Of course that's what you should have offered to start with!

I'd say she's a keeper.

I think sometimes it is really difficult when you are growing up to know what is socially acceptable and what isn't, and I remember several times when I was growing up that certain things I said, meaning to be polite or considerate, would be taken incorrectly or as me being a 'madam'.
She is trying to be polite, and let you know that she isn't able to cook for all of you. Tbh, I think you were impolite to expect her to.

I also think she's very considerate of your family too, as your son has been away for the week and would want to see his family she asked to cook at yours to accommodate both your needs.

I think it's nice she's missed him,wants to cook a meal,and she's checking the oldies are out the way

OP you still appear to think she was "putting you in your place", disregarding all the posts saying that, on the contrary, she was being polite and considerate. Why is that? Are you a future MIL from hell do you think? Managing to take offence or see a slight where none was intended and the reverse is true?

I would defiantly say keep on her good side
She sounds lovely and confident and good for her to want your son to herself! I wish I'd been that confident at her age and able to cook

And contrary to other posters I think she had actually impressed you with that remark!

Thanks Patricia yes, I am quite impressed (and pleased for DS). I don't intend to be a MIL from hell..