AIBU to think I've just been put in my place by DS' girlfriend

[Butteredpars1ps]

DS has been away for a week. His GF texted earlier to ask if she could come round and cook a surprise special meal for them. Obv not a problem and she's a nice girl btw.

She has just asked me if DH, DD and I will be eating before them or after them!!! That kind of tells us to bugger off doesn't it? She's 16 FFS.

I'm going to have to keep on the right side of her aren't I?

She asked if she could cook the surprise meal for him at your house. You said yes. She is asking about timings.
She sounds practical, considerate and nice.

It sounds as if she'll have to work hard to keep the right side of you

I don't see what's rude
It reads to me like she's trying to ascertain what time works best for you for her to be using your kitchen?

I think she is trying to be considerate rather than barge in when you're cooking. Slightly clumsy, but she is very young.

Depends how she worded it. But i would have assumed she meant cooking for everyone! Unless she specifically said 'can i cook a romantic meal for just me and x?' i would have thought it included the whole family If it was worded like 'i'm so looking forward to seeing x, can i come round and cook a special meal for his return?'

I don't think it's rude at all, she's asking what time it would be okay to cook. Surely you didn't expect to sit around watching them eat their romantic meal? Give them a break.

Eh? I wouldn't see that as rude at all. She asked nicely if she could come over and cook -I would presume she is asking what time you are cooking so she won't be in the way (thats what I would do). I can't imagine she wants all of you sitting in on her romantic meal, but I can't see why you would think that means she expects you to go out? Surely you would just sit in the living room and let them eat their meal in the kitchen/dining room?

Were you expecting her to cook for all of you? I actually don't understand the problem......

How does her asking whether you'll be eating before or after them constitute her telling you to "bugger off "?

She's just sorting out practicalities of using the kitchen, surely?

How is that asking you to bugger off? She's asking if you'll be eating before or after her and your son. If there's anything to be read into it it's her asking how long they'll have jitchen to themselves.

Her boyfriend has been away for a week and she has asked if she can cook a surprise special meal for them. No one would think it was a general family meal and everyone was invited! It wouldn't be much of a surprise if it was at her house.

She's being polite. Maybe she's even being more considerate than some people have given her credit for, she is making sure you see him too & not whisking him off to her home.

Nip it in the bud and tell her to cook the meal at her house. I'm a grumpy, misery, but give them an inch and they take a yard, before you know it, they'll be asking you to go out for the night while they have a film night.Your house won't be your own.

Aww I think she is trying to be polite.

What a lovely thing for her to plan for your ds.
I don't think she's being rude, more likely trying to plan timings so that she's not in your way and so she isn't stressing out about it all going perfectly

Did you think she wanted to cook a romantic meal for your whole family?

Surely you weren't expecting her to cook for you too? I'd find that a bit odd, especially if the 16 year old is buying all the ingredients for the meal for her and her boyfriend.

She's doing a nice thing IMO and having a go at being grown up. I think her question is pretty reasonable and polite.
Get yourselves a take away and let them have the kitchen to themselves. Make sure your DS washes up!

What inch would that be? The one where she asks if she can cook her boyfriend a surprise meal and then asks how she can keep the inconvenience to a minimum?

And some of you lot moan about your MILs!

Just remembered - a few years ago ds previous gf told him she wanted to make cakes and a posh desert at ours for them to share - she made him ask me for the cash for the ingredients!! And we didn't even get any!! Glad to see the back of that one!!

Some of the responses on here are from posters who are going to feature heavily on MIL threads of the future.

I like this girl - she doesn't beat about the proverbial.

How kind of her to cook a surprise meal too. She must have missed him like mad.

So will you be eating before or after, out of interest?

This thread clearly demonstrates the genesis of the sort of horrible MiLs some posters write about.
The girl is not 'a madam', she is not taking advantage, she is not (as far as I can see) asking the OP and family to go out. Why would you even think that?
She is asking when you want to cook so she can fit in without inconveniencing you. the attitude of some posters here to a young girl/woman doing a nice thing in a polite way is

I think she sounds really sweet.

Agree with PP - if DS Gf said this I wouldn't think it meant she wanted me to bugger off - she's just making sure you won't be trying to cook the same time as her. Maybe she would feel embarrassed if you were hovering?

My DS and his GF often cook together, and I leave them to it - I think it's lovely.

I can't see what GF has done wrong here - why you think she is trying to put you in your place?