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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I've just been put in my place by DS' girlfriend

280 replies

Butteredpars1ps · 28/01/2017 17:54

DS has been away for a week. His GF texted earlier to ask if she could come round and cook a surprise special meal for them. Obv not a problem and she's a nice girl btw.

She has just asked me if DH, DD and I will be eating before them or after them!!! That kind of tells us to bugger off doesn't it? She's 16 FFS.

I'm going to have to keep on the right side of her aren't I?

OP posts:
MyNameIsAlexDrake · 28/01/2017 18:44

Another who think she sounds nice. Can't see anything rude about what she's asked.

Servicesupportforall · 28/01/2017 18:44

sene that's exactly how I treat my dils.

Welcome and love you.

Sounds like you are jealous of her cooking for your precious son op! Take great care.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 28/01/2017 18:45

i think she worded it rudely.....but i doubt that was her intention.

i'd text back and let her know you that although you will be eating separately - you are staying in & she and ds are responsible for the washing up/drying etc.

Not sure how she expects it to be a 'surprise' when DS will see that everyone else is not sticking to the routine......

i just hope she isn't expecting you all to 'nip to the pub for a quick one' while she has 'missed you' sex!

NowtAbout · 28/01/2017 18:46

Well think we can work out some future MILs from hell off this thread. Grin

Littledrummergirl · 28/01/2017 18:46

When you okayed the use of your kitchen did you not ask what time she would like to use it?
If someone was asking permission to do something nice for someone I love I would try to facilitate it if I could.
Yabu

FrenchJunebug · 28/01/2017 18:46

She sounds very sweet and thoughtful.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 28/01/2017 18:48

No, I get that she just wanted it to be the two of them.
I think the whole thing could have been made clear and no mix up if people just spoke on the phone, bloody texting.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 28/01/2017 18:49

*even if you get the wording right via text, things can still get missed, tone of voice etc.

Ohdearducks · 28/01/2017 18:54

I'm another who thinks she's not meant to be rude, she just wants it to be the two of them but didn't know how to make it happen. You said she's a nice girl can you give her the benefit of the doubt?

expatinscotland · 28/01/2017 18:56

I'd just text back, 'We'll be eating at X time. We have no plans to be out of the house tonight, though.' Any particular reason why she can't cook at hers? If she comes back with anything suggesting you need to leave your home just say no. I couldn't afford to go out to dinner on a whim like that so I'd have to stay put.

Chelazla · 28/01/2017 18:57

Ah don't look too much into it 16yo don't get how that would sound! They're young n in loveSmile

expatinscotland · 28/01/2017 18:58

' she just wants it to be the two of them but didn't know how to make it happen. You said she's a nice girl can you give her the benefit of the doubt?'

Yeah, well, you go out to dinner or upstairs to the bedroom. Sadly, when you don't live on your own you have to make your own fun.

FinallyHere · 28/01/2017 18:58

Well, I see how she wants to do a 'lovely thing' for your DS. However, I can't imagine myself ever, ever asking anyone if I could use their kitchen/house/home in this way. When DSS briefly lived with us, I would always tell him when we were going to be away, telling him that he was more than welcome to have GF to visit. He was always clean and tidy using the kitchen, so no worries there.

But asking someone if I could use their place like this, when they are going to be home, well, who does that? I think the follow up texts mean that she has told a friend about her plans, and friend has said err, what about the family? Are they goi to be there? Joining in?

Think you are being very kind, letting them do this, way beyond the call of duty. Would love to know how you expected it to work out, though. What did you expect to have happen? My own dear mother was inclined to say yes to anyone who asked her anything, and only later start to think through what it would mean. It was then too late to do anything about the arrangements, so she would just moan to me about what was going wrong. I hate it, when I notice myself doing the same. It always works better, when I ask a few questions before committing to anything. All the best, hope it goes well for you.

gamerchick · 28/01/2017 19:05

Id be tickled pink if this was my sons girlfriend Grin I would take it as kitchen space enquiry rather than a hint to sling my hook though.

Just tell her when she can have the kitchen if you're fine with it.

LonelyImSoLonely · 28/01/2017 19:05

Doesn't sound like she wants you to bugger off, she's not asking you to leave the house and sounds happy for you to come in/out be in the lounge etc. She's probably been panicking all day that she is worried toubtbibk she's cooking for all of you and this is the best way she came up with.
Sounds lovely she wants to cook him a meal at 16 and the fact that she's doing it at your house means she's not taking him away from you when everyone wants to see him and you've obviously made her feel welcome and comfortable, so well done you. Maybe her family aren't as welcoming? She probably would be nervous if problem were watching her cooking and it might just be heating up pasta, adding a jar of sauce and ice cream for pudding.

Robstersgirl · 28/01/2017 19:07

She sounds lovely. I expect she would get completely flustered at that age trying to cook a family meal and wants to keep it special for them. Sounds like a keeper to me.

Eevee77 · 28/01/2017 19:09

She asking about timings. That's all. Trying to be accommodating and asking when the kitchen will be free. I really don't think she's asking to have the house to herself! I think it's lovely.

Serialweightwatcher · 28/01/2017 19:09

Of course she wants to make just for her and him - she just wants them to eat on their own romantically, but she could have made it at hers so as not to appear a bit rude

SpartacusWoman · 28/01/2017 19:10

It sounds more like she's trying to plan when she can start cooking so she's isn't in the way when your or dh are cooking for the rest of the family, rather than her expecting you all to fuck off out.

Are you thinking she's out you in your place because you thought she'd be cooking for everyone? She asked to make a special meal for them, so I wouldn't have thought she meant everyone, she'd have asked if there's anything people can't eat eat or are allergic to otherwise.

I'd have said, yes it's fine, The kitchen is yours from 5pm or whatever. If I genuinely thought she was offering to cook for everyone I'd have thanked her and asked her let me know if she needs any help and offer to contribute some money as it could be expensive buying special food for more than two.

You say she's a nice girl so I doubt she was trying to be rude, and while I wouldn't go out for the night, but if it's a one off I'd try give them some space and would let her know she give me a shout if she needs anything.

Huldra · 28/01/2017 19:11

Don't text back and mention the washing up as suggested, that could come across as a bit aggressive. I'm sure she and your son are aware that washing up needs to be done. Surely that should only come up if you see it hasn't been done. Than all that's required is a nudge to your sons to remember is and let them sort it out.

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 28/01/2017 19:12

I think it's a bit rude... I mean the polite way of asking is "would you like me to use the kitchen before or after you?" The way she has asked does just sound a bit forward. Not saying it's intentional but a little Hmm from a 16 year old. (In my opinion)

MiscellaneousAssortment · 28/01/2017 19:15

I think she sounds lovely Smile

Trying to plan something that you agreed to, hardly rude is it? Or is it that you don't want it to happen after all & that's why you think she's being rude to try and work out how to share kitchen space and cooking times etc?

Peaceandl0ve · 28/01/2017 19:15

Do you think it was perhaps her slightly clumsy way of indicating that she was not offering to cook for everyone? Not that she wants you to bgger off. Its not easy being 16!

QueenMortificado · 28/01/2017 19:20

Christ, some of the responses here are Shock

The girl sounds lovely!

iloveeverykindofcat · 28/01/2017 19:20

Aw, I think its sweet. A bit clumsy but cut her some slack OP, she's only 16.

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