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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect my children to earn pocket money?

81 replies

Notmuchtosay1 · 27/01/2017 18:51

My older 2 boys (13 and 15) have 2 rooms each to clean and tidy to earn pocket money. They have their own bedroom to clean and 1 other room each (oldest has living room, younger has play room) they don't have to vacuum up just put stuff away (which is never much in the living room or playroom) and dust. Both have decided they'd rather have no money than clean. Though occasionally they'll do it if there's something they want to buy. Then 2 jobs they have to do for nothing, they are both expected to put clothes in the wash (and PE kits) and put their lunch box out for me to empty. They throw their clothes on their bedroom floors all week, which I refuse to wash until they are in the basket. Don't ask about PE kits.
My 13 year old keeps telling me IABU he says it's child labour. He shouldn't have to put his clothes in the wash. He definitely shouldn't be expected to do jobs to earn pocket money.
"Apparently" all his friends get pocket money (more than I'm offering) without doing jobs, also most of them have mums that tidy their rooms or or have a cleaner.
I just wondered...what do you guys do? AIBU to expect them to earn their money? Also is £5 weekly stingy? (If they go out with friends, which is rare I do give them spending money, plus they get change for tuck etc at school)

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 27/01/2017 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

willconcern · 27/01/2017 18:57

My DCs do more than yours, so I don't think YABU.

Mine have to pass room inspections to get minimum pocket money and any more has to be earned by doing chores. There are certain things that are also "expected" as part of being in family - laying table, clearing table, tidy up after yourself. They both cook at least 1 meal a week each for the family. They are 12 & 10.

NewPapaGuinea · 27/01/2017 19:11

It's a valuable life lesson to teach children that work equals money and vice versa.

If children are given money management lessons it'll pay dividends when they are adults. Still amazed schools don't teach this.

Katedotness1963 · 27/01/2017 19:13

Mine are a little older than yours. We never tied pocket money to chores. They get pocket money. They help clean because we all live in the house and we are all responsible for keeping it clean and tidy. My boys have to clean on a Saturday morning. One sweeps and hoovers, the other dusts and waters the plants. Everyone is responsible for their bedroom. When mine were that age they got £15 per week. The eldest had an after school job from 13 that earned him the same amount.

Original poster
Notmuchtosay1 · 27/01/2017 19:25

I had forgotten those jobs, they do have to take their plates from the table and are expected to get their school bags ready. My 13 year old is just so lazy. I leave his cereal out on the kitchen table in the morning, I put out bowls, spoons and milk out, then go back upstairs with my tea. He says making him pour the cereal out is child labour!
Funnily enough he just came and asked if he can meet some friends in town tomorrow. He rarely meets up with friends as we are quite rural. He wants me to give him £10 I've just said only if he picks up a weeks worth of clothes off his floor. I thinks that's fair.
The oldest would love a job of some sort, away from home. But they are rare round here to anyone under 16.

OP posts:
Cheby · 27/01/2017 19:31

Maybe I am evil but my 3yo does jobs for pocket money! She gets 10p every time she helps feed the pets or gets dressed by herself, she's learning about coins and counting and saving up for stuff (mostly Freddo Frogs at the moment).

I'm fully expecting all pocket money in the future to be conditional on helping round the house in a reasonable and age appropriate way. So YADNBU OP!

budgiegirl · 27/01/2017 19:43

We never tied pocket money to chores. They get pocket money. They help clean because we all live in the house and we are all responsible for keeping it clean and tidy

This is how we do it too. I don't want my children to think that chores are only worth doing if they are paid to do so. They are aged 15, 14 and 11, and are very good at helping out when asked. They empty bins, put on a wash, clean sinks, vacuum, walk the dog, cut the grass, empty the dishwasher etc. Not every day, but on a regular basis. My eldest is very proud of his grass cutting!

If you pay them, then they get a choice of whether to do it or not! They do get pocket money, and I do occasionally say they can earn a little more if they wash the car. My eldest has a weekend job as a football ref, so does earn money that way.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 27/01/2017 19:47

I've never tied money to chores. Pocket money is given without strings. However, then dd has had to become responsible for all her spends. No coming to me and asking for extra, she has always had to budget.
Much easier to give a set non negotiable amount each week I think than always have a child asking for money.

Sybis · 27/01/2017 19:48

It depends on what you can afford, but I think £5 a week is stingy for the 15 year old. I know you pay for extras too, but it seems you're trying to teach responsibility and I think it'd be consistent with that to increase the amount of pocket money, but cut out the extras, so they can choose how to spend the money they (begrudgingly) earn.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 27/01/2017 19:48

I always had what you might call baseline chores (laying table, making bed, washing up etc) which weren't tied to pocket money. Anything over my allowance I had to earn, so washing the car got me a fiver for example. We are planning to do similar for DD when she's older.

krustykittens · 27/01/2017 19:51

Mine do chores for money. They are lucky kids and already get an awful lot so when they asked for a set amount of money every month to spend on what they liked I told them they had to earn it. They hoover and dust every week as well as keeping on top of their rooms and since they have started doing chores they have become even better about helping around the house without being asked. My eldest (15) actually made dinner and cleaned the kitchen up one night when I was ill, without being asked! And because they have to work for their money, they are canny about how they spend it. Overall, it has been a good experience for us.

Danglybits · 27/01/2017 19:51

£10 a week for a 10yo sounds like masses to me. I think mine got about a quid at that age!

Also -- they have to help because they have to help. They do their own washing from about 11. Tidy (but don't clean) their rooms. Lay the table. Do the dishwasher. Put out the recycling. There's a bit of moaning but they know that we all have to pull together.

Crumbs1 · 27/01/2017 19:55

You are t growing good husbands ! I didn't link pocket money to chores - jobs were a usual expectation of family life. Nobody left kitchen until all jobs completed- dishwasher loaded, pans washed and dried, bins emptied, table cleared and wiped.
Laundry was done only if they delivered it to the laundry room. It had to be untangled (no knickers in tights or furled socks). They had to collect it from laundry room two days later. Mainly got it done at school latterly though.
All were required to change own bedding weekly.
Boys were required to bring logs in, chop kindling and light fires - yawn, I know girls can too but boys liked 'manly jobs'. Older helped younger ones with homework, chores and dressing from quite young age.
Girls probably did more polishing and table laying.

Original poster
Notmuchtosay1 · 27/01/2017 20:01

I can't help feeling that if they refuse to do anything to help then why should they get pocket money. I'm not strict with their cleaning. It doesn't have to be thorough. (And it isn't) the 13 year old mows the lawn in the summer (ride on mower) but wants paying for it. The oldest won't do it because it's too boring.
But I can see how it's mixed messages of them wanting paying for chores. Maybe I should give them the £5 but make it up to more if they do jobs.
My youngest is 7. He loves doing jobs for pocket money. I can't afford lots of pocket money but I think they have quite a lot anyway. They all do well Christmas and birthdays.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 27/01/2017 20:02

Chores and pocket money are kept separate. Chores - bins, clothes into the laundry, change bedding, dog walking, dishwasher loaded and unloaded, dust and Hoover their own bedrooms and clean their shared bathroom - these were all non negotiable and had to be done as a member of the household.

Notso · 27/01/2017 20:06

I don't link chores and pocket money. I expect them to help out for nothing nobody pays me and DH to tidy the house. So they all muck in. Loading/emptying the dishwasher, taking rubbish/recycling out, putting bins out, keeping family areas tidy, wiping bathroom sinks, putting washing on/in the dryer/on the line, cleaning shoes. The older two do a bit of cooking, babysitting, making teas and coffees and hoovering/mopping.
Providing they are pulling their weight in communal areas then it's up to them how they keep their rooms within reason. No hoarding dishes allowed.
I do clean the younger ones rooms and I will have a quick vacuum of visible floor space and change the bedding in the older ones rooms I'm feeling generous or if they have a lot on at school.
DD 16 gets £70 a month pocket money plus her wages, between £130 and £180 a month, more in the holidays.
DS1 12 doesn't get regular pocket money yet. I tend to just give him £5-£10 if he goes out at the weekend or on a trip with scouts which is average £20 a month.
DS2 and 3 don't get any either. Though often come back from GP's or Sunday school with a couple of quid.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 27/01/2017 20:06

not helping though isn't an option if it isn't tied to money. Helping is just part of family life.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 27/01/2017 20:09

As NotSo says in matter of fact! dd (17) now gets the child benefit, and has a small part time job. She has to pay for everything out of that, apart from meals that are made at home of course and travel to college.

Original poster
Notmuchtosay1 · 27/01/2017 20:10

Crumbs 1. Mine wouldn't do most of those jobs. They say their friends do no jobs so why should they. Not even their rooms. I just added the pocket money as an incentive. To start with they didn't have their 2 rooms they just had to do their own rooms and help with general chores. But they asked for rooms each. As I said there are jobs they are expected to do anyway. But it's blooming hard to get the middle one to do any of it.

OP posts:
sunflowers14 · 27/01/2017 20:11

£5 a week really is very little. What are they expected to buy?

Original poster
Notmuchtosay1 · 27/01/2017 20:15

Those of you giving them non nogotiable jobs. How on earth do you get them to do them? All I get from DS2 is "no" and "I'm going to report you for child labour" that's the reason I added the pocket money incentive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notmuchtosay1 · 27/01/2017 20:20

All their money goes on xbox games. They don't need anything else. As I said If they go on trips or meet friends etc I give them money. I only earn £40 myself a week at the moment. So I would give them £10 to the boys. But they get nothing as they won't help. I left them all last Sat eve for 2 hours while we went to a neighbours and gave them all the money we'd have given the babysitter. So they do get extras.

OP posts:
OhYouBadBadKitten · 27/01/2017 20:22

I don't know Confused I don't think it's down to amazing parenting. tbh I think I'm bloody lucky to have a dd who will do stuff without too much fuss.
We did have one memorable incident when it came to cleaning out the guinea pigs but I didn't back down.

Eolian · 27/01/2017 20:23

Mine get pocket money and it's not dependent on chores. When they do chores, it's because they have to do it as they are part of the family, not because they are going to get money for it. I don't get paid for doing chores, why would they?

Notso · 27/01/2017 20:26

Well with my older two they know if they aren't helping out downstairs they me and DH will start picking their bedrooms apart which never ends well for them. If it's a favour like babysitting or dinner prep then if they refuse then maybe next time they need a favour we will refuse.
In general though they just help because they have always had to.
If mine threatened to report me for child labour I'd happily dial the number and let them have a lovely chat about their issues whilst pissing myself laughing!