AIBU to expect my children to earn pocket money?

[Notmuchtosay1]

My older 2 boys (13 and 15) have 2 rooms each to clean and tidy to earn pocket money. They have their own bedroom to clean and 1 other room each (oldest has living room, younger has play room) they don't have to vacuum up just put stuff away (which is never much in the living room or playroom) and dust. Both have decided they'd rather have no money than clean. Though occasionally they'll do it if there's something they want to buy. Then 2 jobs they have to do for nothing, they are both expected to put clothes in the wash (and PE kits) and put their lunch box out for me to empty. They throw their clothes on their bedroom floors all week, which I refuse to wash until they are in the basket. Don't ask about PE kits.
My 13 year old keeps telling me IABU he says it's child labour. He shouldn't have to put his clothes in the wash. He definitely shouldn't be expected to do jobs to earn pocket money.
"Apparently" all his friends get pocket money (more than I'm offering) without doing jobs, also most of them have mums that tidy their rooms or or have a cleaner.
I just wondered...what do you guys do? AIBU to expect them to earn their money? Also is £5 weekly stingy? (If they go out with friends, which is rare I do give them spending money, plus they get change for tuck etc at school)

I actually think £5/week is ok if it is just for nice things for themselves.

It's not easy this parenting lark is it?

My two get an allowance of £50 per month but they have to budget with that for anything outside basic needs. It's not tied to jobs as I expect them to do the jobs anyway.

I've always used a nice calm "no sorry" by way of incentive to get jobs done. So, for instance, if the dishwasher needs emptying but they don't do it because they have something better to do I leave it for a while then do it myself. And the next time they ask me for something (a lift, a sandwich, new trainers etc) I simply say "no". And for every time they say no to me I say no to them.

They are 15 & 18 now and most things get done with the minimum of reminders or fuss.

We have pocket money linked to chores.

2 eldest (10&13) get up to £5 per week.

The 6yo gets up to £3 per week.

We have a tick chart, split into 10. 5 of the ticks are the daily chore. The remaining 5 are for their bedroom each day (if kept tidy, but if not then to tidy)

They tried saying no to the jobs and we countered it by adding a new incentive. If they get 7 or under ticks in a week then they lose their technology for the weekend (their lists run mon - fri)

They don't moan, they get it done and when they want something they look on the white board to see how much they've accumulated over the weeks :)

Oh and I never clean in their rooms or remind them about washing etc - if they go to school or friends a few times in dirty smelly clothes that they haven't put in for washing it soon foucuses their minds!

They should do chores because it's part of being in a family.

My dc's don't get pocket money yet but have chores to do. All my dc's from the 4 year old to 9 year old have to put their clothes/towels in the wash basket, pick up their own toys, put coats and shoes away, do homework, help load the dryer every so often, take their plates to the sink and put clean towels away.

From about 5 they've had to put their clean folded clothes away, make their beds (or at least try), tidy their rooms so I can clean and vacuum.

My 8 and 9 year old sweep the wood floor, (try to) dust, help hang washing out to dry, occasionally make their lunch for school, hang school clothes in the wardrobe, get their own/younger siblings school clothes out of their wardrobes, help put shopping away and they're starting to help prep dinner once in a while.

13 and 15 year old should be helping out at home regardless of pocket money.

I wouldn't link chores to pocket money because they should be doing them anyway. Essentially paying them for chores ends up with them doing nothing, especially if you give them money for going out with friends anyway.

I'd be stopping pocket money, no extra money to go out with friends, no WiFi and no going out until chores were done. It's harsh but they just sound lazy and spoilt.

Who cares if their friends don't have to do chores? They have to so they can lump it. A friend of mine is married to a man who's mum used to do everything for him, now he expects my friend to take over and it's driving her nuts. I'd be ashamed if my boys grew up to be like that.

Take all Xbox and other gaming stuff to a freinds house for safe keeping.
Turn off wifi/ change password.
Sit down and have a proper chat about what is expected in life.
Taking cloths to the laundry basket is no different to wiping your own backside, it needs doing.
Putting stuff away is the same as brushing teeth, needs doing.
My 10 year old DD does all of the jobs mentioned, except chopping firewood.
If the washing is in the bedroom leave it. If the clean stuff is not put away, put it in a bin bag and put it in the shed.
child labour? Really?
Do they no nothing about history.

No I don't get paid for chores. But I also don't earn money by sitting down doing nothing all day. Maybe I'm sending mixed messages but I still don't think I should give them money when they refuse to do anything to help. Not quite sure on a solution. So some of you agree and some think IABU. 😀

I don't think pocket money should be linked to chores. Pocket money is something you get because it's impossible to function in society without money in your pocket. BUT. I also think that contributing to the
family is something that everyone does from the very beginning. You don't get paid for setting the table- it's something you do because it's your contribution to dinner.
Paying for chores is an very bad precedent to set.

Another saying we expect a certain level of chores as a person that lives in this house. I think older tweens/younger teens is a really tricky age - they would like some autonomy over their own spending but they actually don't have the capacity to actually properly earn any (too young to get a job). so the only way they get money is for parents/grandparents to give it to them.

In terms of how we "make" them - it alls under our expectation of expected behaviour in the same way that e.g. going out and not being back when they said they would be would - so they would get whatever sanction is appropriate. For room tidying it would probably be that they couldn't go out with friends until it was done.

Strugglingstepdad you have some good ideas. I like the chart idea. I know I'll be ashamed of the middle son if he grows up like he is. The oldest isn't so bad. But then Dad doesn't really do chores either. But he does work 7 days a week and all day light hours. (Farmer) I only work 4 hours at the moment. That's why I don't expect him to do chores. If he was home more I'd expect more. Must admit though, it does make it look like the Dad should go out to work whike mum stays home to keep house. It doesn't help the situation of lazy boys.

I sort of agree with bebanjo. I've have done it as normal part of family life since they could bottom shuffle. It was never time to start helping - they always did. Toddlers can dry up plastic cups. Toddlers wipe table mats. A six year old can put a two year old's shoes on. An eight year old can lay a table and empty a dishwasher.
I would definitely not serve food to someone who hasn't helped in some way with the meal. They run out of clothes quite quickly if they aren't bringing them for washing. If they became completely rancid, I would collect all clothes off floor put them in garden and apply hosepipe.
Some jobs they enjoy - the boys always loved doing logs and fires. We miss them doing it now they've left home!
Ironing was a really useful skill for our son that went to Sandhurst. Handling babies confidently gave our eldest daughter a head start as a medical student on paediatrics and obstetrics. We do them a great disservice by not making them do chores.

My children don't really need money in their pockets. They have a few pounds in wallets incase they need to buy tuck at school. (They rarely buy extra food) The school mini bus collects them at the front door and drops them at the bus stop where they get a bus to school. They both carry a mobile phone and get dropped off at home again. As I said trips out they do get extra money. As I also said they have a few chores they have to do, not for money. Like putting clothes in the wash. Middle son has been known to go to school in muddy clothes because they haven't been put in the wash. I always put the clean clothes away, I always load dishwasher etc. Occasionally one of them lays the table. So I don't expect much. I am thinking I'm not getting them to help enough. Like I said the pocket money is for the extra jobs.
Yes I do laugh at DS2 saying it's child labour. I say go ahead and report me 😂

Sounds as if you need to make a point with them. Stop doing their washing. Show them how to use the washing machine and hang up wet washing. Stop putting food out in front of them. Tell them that if they are not going to do chores, neither are you. If they start to pong a bit, spray them with old lady floral scent. Don't give them money if they are not helping around the house.

I don't give them money for not helping round the house. But seems a lot on here think I should be giving them pocket money anyway.

No I think opposite - they should do jobs anyway.

What you're asking them to do is practically nothing. I wouldn't call it work in exchange for pocket money. Maybe rather say it's the absolute least that can be expected of someone who lives in the house, and if they don't do it they will be fined!
I also think that £5 a week is quite a lot.
My 12 year old gets no pocket money, but gets £1 if she cooks a full family meal, or 50p if she just cooks a main course or a pudding. She's a good little cook already, and is quite into it, is collecting recipes that she has cooked. Her cooking a meal is genuinely useful to me and worth the money.

From reading your posts it sounds as if they get enough money for the £5 pocket money to not be enough of an incentive.
I think I would consider separating money and jobs. Give them a bigger monthly sum that they need to use for trips out, X-box games, tuck shop money, phone top up etc and stick to it.
Then think about the jobs you need them to do and different ways to motivate them. X box off until you have picked up your clothes for example. It might be different things for each child.
When my daughter had 7 wet towels on her bedroom floor I took a picture labelling it the 8th wonder of our home town and threatened to put it on her Facebook, they were sorted within 5 mins of her getting home from school.
My son at 10 had a habit of not using his bedroom bin so I put a sign on the bin saying it was hungry and until he filled it with rubbish it had eaten the wii remotes.
I like to use notes a lot as it feels less like I'm nagging them, however I have repeatedly asked for DS's dirty trousers to be brought down as he didn't care if they were clean or not. I mean repeatedly as well every five mins he soon got fed up of me asking. I explained he might not care if they were dirty but I cared. Now generally he brings them down and puts them and his jumper on a quick wash.

Bloody hell - you didn't pay a babysitter for a 13 and 15 year old (quite old enough to be left) so you gave them the money instead?!! Really?

You need to stop pandering to them, they (especially younger) are taking the absolute bloody piss! Child labour indeed.

I can't believe you're even saying getting their own breakfast is a job, or putting their lunch boxes out - for you to sort out! As for getting their own schools bag ready? Well, yes.

Stop. Just stop.

If clothes aren't sorted into the right baskets, they don't get washed. End of. Learn to say "I don't give a fuck what happens in your friend's house, this is my house".

Let them make as much more as behind their closed room doors as they like, but everything else - you should EXPECT it to be done. Please stop seeing basic living as a job to be rewarded

My child is only 9, so not comparable - though we've spoken about pocket money and how some parents link it to chores, but I don't because my view is - you live here, you do it.

I would give them a small amount of pocket money and not link it specifically to jobs. But that's the whole amount - for tuck, and for socialising. They need to be budgeting at their age.

I'd stop the money for bad behaviour, which they're certainly showing.

We do £5pw for DSS tidying room, doing homework and general tidying up after himself.If we have other jobs that need doing we tell him what it is, how much extra and he can decide.

Madam- none of those things should be paid for.

In reply to babysitting. The older 2 obviously don't need one. The youngest is 7. He has epilepsy though it is completely controlled by medication. I still worry incase her was a problem, especially as we live in quite a remote place. So if we are out till late then I still pay a babysitter for the 7 year old. When we went out recently I was at a neighbours 2 mins drive away. So any problems I could get back quickly. So I gave them the money. If the youngest didn't have epilepsy and we had a neighbour nearby then I wouldn't worry so much. I also don't worry so much in the day when it's light as one of them could run to a neighbour, so I do leave them alone when I work but Dad is outside on the farm should there be a problem. And no they don't get money for being alone when I'm at work!

Ours are the same ages as yours, 15, 13 and 7. Older two get £40/ month to their bank accounts to spend as they wish - lunch,shopping etc and we pay basic phone contract. Youngest gets £7/ month pocket money.

No top ups as want them to learn to budget. Not tied to chores but everyone expected to keep own rooms tidy, put washing out, help empty dishwasher, fold clean washing etc as requested - as pp have suggested it's part of family life. Older two expected to help youngest if needed during the day but we have just started paying them for evening babysitting. Definitely expected to sort their own breakfast and lunch, put dirty clothes in washing etc. Everyone cooks one dinner each week, incl 7 yo, with assistance.

Although allowance not linked to chores I have once or twice reduced amount paid for very bad behaviour or not helping out when asked. Aside from evening babysitting which is treated as a separate job, there is no choice of opting in or out of normal jobs for money here. Eldest DD wanted to only empty half the dishwasher, which was fine, as long as I only had to cook half the dinner

I do not expect them to earn pocket money through chores

I do expect them to tidy and clean their bedrooms and playroom

I didn't make much sense about neighbours! The nearest neighbour one direction is about a 2 minute run. If they weren't home it would be another 3 minutes on to the next. Just thought I'd explain why I pay for a sitter late at night. 😀

I pay to top up phones. So they don't need to do it themselves. But as there's no 3g signal in the area (what is 4g?) they only use them on wifi. So I only top £10 up a few times a year.