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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Weird encounter with man or am I over thinking

357 replies

Daaaaaaan · 27/01/2017 12:58

This might be long, will try to put all relevant information in so to avoid the dreaded drip feeding...

One or two weeks before Christmas I was in the supermarket as usual on a Wednesday lunchtime straight after school finished with my son. Exited the supermarket to hear an English voice say "oh hi, how are you" in a friendly tone of voice (am expat and while many people here speak English I speak to most of my friends in the local language). I said "oh hello" while thinking "uhmm I don't really think I know you". However he continued saying he knew me from somewhere, had we met before, probably at local pub. I said no I don't drink there.

He told me his Street address then asked why I was shopping in supermarket A when supermarket B was closer to my house (didn't think about this comment until later as tbh I was really just trying to get home to make lunch, I absolutely did not tell him where I lived). He also said he saw me most days last summer and I was always on my own (?! Confused )Looked like I was always off to the beach, did I not work?

Boxing day, receive message in my other folder from this guy saying I popped up on his people you may know list. We have no mutual friends, are not in any of the same Facebook groups and I never "check in" anywhere. So was a bit sceptical. Anyway in the message wishes me merry Christmas, asks me out, gives me his address, phone number and email. I didn't accept the message request and did not reply. So although I have read it he won't know as I've not accepted it ifkwim.

So, Wednesday in supermarket A as usual, and he is there. He tries to make chat but, it's lunchtime and I have a hungry son to feed! Don't give it much thought, it's a local supermarket after all, we live in the same district. Thursday I get on my usual tram to take my son to school and he is on it. Not too weird, but the stop for where he told me he lives is about 3 stops before the one I get on. The next and final stop, it doesn't really go anywhere except the tram depot, my sons school and the long road to the next town.

He starts walking with us asking about Christmas, asks my son about his gifts etc. I'm feeling a bit uneasy and rush my son along while, saying something like "oh well have a nice day etc" he then asks me if I have time for a coffee, rather taken aback I blurted out "sorry no I'm on my way to a job interview" and rushed off.

So, finally (if anyone has got this far) is, aibu to think this all really odd. Mainly the supermarket conversation/knowing where I live/movements/tram thing? The balcony thing, as I say, is most likely unconnected but possibly why I'm feeling more freaked out than should be necessary.

OP posts:
Doublemint · 29/01/2017 20:50

Don't stop going out daaaan, even if it feels easier now it won't be in the long run.
Also if you were to see him in the cold just hanging around it would be further evidence that he's a total prick stalker and not just an acquaintance from the area.

icanteven · 29/01/2017 20:52

Make sure that a couple of other people in real life know about this, and if you can access his FB profile, perhaps share his picture to make sure that people know what is going on.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/01/2017 21:03

Go out, keep,doing what you usually do. If yiu see him tell him to leave you alone.

Thinkingofausername1 · 29/01/2017 21:08

This sounds worrying and scary op. I agree with everyone keep a log of his whereabouts; don't delete any of his Facebook messages and maybe you could start shopping in a different supermarket and If he shows up there; then definitely call the police.

boo2410 · 29/01/2017 21:09

I too am thinking of you OP, nothing to add I'm afraid. Have read the whole thread which has tons of excellent advice. Hope tomorrow goes ok for you, I really do. Take care of yourself and your little man. Flowers Flowers

MsMims · 29/01/2017 21:21

This is so worrying for you OP but well done for listening to your gut instinct as you have the key advantage of having the measure of him now.

You've had lots of useful advice on here but can I just say, the dog suggestion is a bad idea. Being in an apartment, that would then tie you into needing to take the dog out for regular exercise and toilet trips every day. Whilst you must not be made to feel like a prisoner in your own home, extra unnecessary trips out alone isn't a good idea at the moment. That's aside from the fact that you may not even want a dog!

I would deactivate the Facebook account and make another in an alias name. An inconvenience for you, but I wouldn't want him to be able to look at my profile at all as it's too easy for him to simply make a new account you're unaware of.

Also echo about telling your neighbours and asking them to keep an eye out. I would be extra vigilant and make an effort to check in with a neighbour often if I knew they were in this situation.

Hope he backs off and nothing more comes of it all Flowers

sofiainwonderland · 29/01/2017 21:35

Please get yourself a personal alarm, install CCTV, and also some other cheap Amazon/ebay small cameras.

Please

There s no such thing as "too much security"

bec3105 · 30/01/2017 11:50

How did the school run go this morning? Have been thinking of you.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 30/01/2017 12:36

Thinking of you OP. Hope all went well this morning.

boo2410 · 30/01/2017 13:28

I too am thinking of you, hope this mornings run went well. Flowers

ChippyTea16 · 30/01/2017 15:03

Nothing to add unfortunately OP other than to say I hope you stay safe, there is nothing worse than feeling on edge in your own community. I had something similar happen to me when I lived abroad a few years ago so I know how difficult it can be to bring up seemingly innocent things make you feel uneasy.

As most people have said, keep a log of things that happen and confide in your friends. I know this is really sexist but maybe have some male friends over in case he can see your movements?

From what you have said I'm sure your home is safe and secure but I would advise to always trust your instincts and kick up a fuss if necessary and don't worry about what people think, you and your son's safety is the most important thing.

Hopefully it will turn out to be just some guy with a crush on you who will get the message and move on without any further incidents but stay alert and if you can let someone you trust know about your movements.

Hope you're ok OP x

Daaaaaaan · 30/01/2017 15:24

Today passed without incident, morning, lunch and after school.pick up. Didn't see him. I did totally alter my usual routine though (different routes home and different supermarket). Will keep up with that, even if I never see him again it is probably a good idea not to have such a fixed routine.

I hope he did get the message on Friday when he yelled out my name across the street and I didn't acknowledge at all. He yelled really loudly , and there is no way I wouldn't have heard him.

Was feeling apprehensive about today but do feel relieved that I didn't encounter him. Was a bit edgy , especially after ignoring him and blocking on fb, but we'll, he shouldn't have made me feel so uncomfortable with his comments so if he feels hard done by with regards that then that's something for him.to consider.

It is a smallish neighbourhood/suburb and I would prefer not to have bad feelings with someone I might bump into on the street but more importantly I prefer to feel safe where I live.

OP posts:
boo2410 · 30/01/2017 16:07

Glad today went well Daaaaaaan,lets hope with your change of routes that this continues. However I'm sure you will continue to be vigilant for some time to come. It must be so bloody horrible to not be able to walk around your neighbourhood without looking out for someone turning up wherever you go. Best wishes to you and your son. Flowers Flowers

elfies · 31/01/2017 11:44

He sounds creepy , so all the good advice on here sounds really sensible.
Borrowing a dog for a few days might be a good deterrent , and perhaps record his bark on your phone, so you can play it back as you enter or leave your home.
please let us know how it works out if you contact the police

mummylove2monsters · 31/01/2017 18:34

How are you getting on ? When is your ex home ? Hope your ok x

Yell0915 · 31/01/2017 18:40

I had an incident years ago as a teen with a friend of a friend that took a liking to me, wasn't a lot of social media then but things like messenger, I probably wouldn't have come to any harm as we were young but it still scared me when he kept messaging me and obtaining my number
I tried to be nice about it and told him I wasn't interested but in the end I told him to leave me alone or I'd phone the police.
Trust your instincts and keep a record of everything

Daaaaaaan · 31/01/2017 18:58

Didn't see him again today but did completely change my routine. Tomorrow (Wednesday) is my most usual day but will avoid going anywhere near the supermarket at lunchtime.

Where I live has no specific anti stalking law and what is available is only usually prosectauble against a former partner where violence has been committed.

Ex is back next week and won't be back in workplace for a few days so will do school run with me if I ask him.

OP posts:
BoysaDearyMe · 31/01/2017 22:01

That's good OP, glad you had another good day

boo2410 · 31/01/2017 22:35

Glad today has gone well Daaaaaan, it's a crying shame that you have to change your route but needs must. Will your ex walk your normal route with you so that you can show him who your stalker is when he comes back?

Doublemint · 31/01/2017 22:44

Glad you've not seen him again too! Although it's so messed up that you have to change your routines because of him. And I'm shocked about there being no specific anti stalking laws where you are. Could it fall under any other label that does have more comprehensive legislation? Like harassment or trespassing?

Foxysoxy01 · 31/01/2017 22:47

Hopefully he is just a slightly erratic character rather than a stalker but it's definitely better to be safe and act like worse case scenario.
There has been loads of great advice and I'm glad you have changed your routine a bit.

I don't know if it would be any good but what about a wildlife camera? It will record when the motion sensor is triggered and will record while there is movement then go dormant till the next movement. It records to a SD card in the actual camera which you can then view on your PC and save/delete as needed. The bonus is they are cheaper, record at night and daytime and you can normally hide the quite well.

Grace111 · 31/01/2017 23:04

Wow OP be careful. You should definitely get a camera.

flumpybear · 01/02/2017 04:58

Sounds unnerving glad you're getting cctv and gave school sorted. Have you told your son that this person isn't a friend and not to trust him?

BitOutOfPractice · 01/02/2017 06:11

It does sound very unnerving. I hope today is incident-free op and you never see this creep again.

Daaaaaaan · 02/02/2017 10:40

Saw him this morning after school drop off on my way home. He stopped on the street as I was approaching and said hi as I got to having to pass and asked how my (fictional) job interview went. I'm not sure if I handled it brilliantly but I said "fine" then continued walking. He asked what the role was and where was the job so I just said "one of the banks". He asked if I had time for a coffee and I said I didn't and I better get going.

The street leads to the school and just houses, there are no other shops or anything. It was 8.15 and cold and drizzly so can only conclude he was hoping to see me. That makes me sound really vain and I'm not at all, I'm just an average looking person!

I tried to make use of the excellent advice I have had (and thanks hugely to everyone who posted). I hope he has the message now after asking twice and being told twice no that I'm not interested in going for a coffee.

OP posts: