Weird encounter with man or am I over thinking

[Daaaaaaan]

This might be long, will try to put all relevant information in so to avoid the dreaded drip feeding...

One or two weeks before Christmas I was in the supermarket as usual on a Wednesday lunchtime straight after school finished with my son. Exited the supermarket to hear an English voice say "oh hi, how are you" in a friendly tone of voice (am expat and while many people here speak English I speak to most of my friends in the local language). I said "oh hello" while thinking "uhmm I don't really think I know you". However he continued saying he knew me from somewhere, had we met before, probably at local pub. I said no I don't drink there.

He told me his Street address then asked why I was shopping in supermarket A when supermarket B was closer to my house (didn't think about this comment until later as tbh I was really just trying to get home to make lunch, I absolutely did not tell him where I lived). He also said he saw me most days last summer and I was always on my own (?! )Looked like I was always off to the beach, did I not work?

Boxing day, receive message in my other folder from this guy saying I popped up on his people you may know list. We have no mutual friends, are not in any of the same Facebook groups and I never "check in" anywhere. So was a bit sceptical. Anyway in the message wishes me merry Christmas, asks me out, gives me his address, phone number and email. I didn't accept the message request and did not reply. So although I have read it he won't know as I've not accepted it ifkwim.

So, Wednesday in supermarket A as usual, and he is there. He tries to make chat but, it's lunchtime and I have a hungry son to feed! Don't give it much thought, it's a local supermarket after all, we live in the same district. Thursday I get on my usual tram to take my son to school and he is on it. Not too weird, but the stop for where he told me he lives is about 3 stops before the one I get on. The next and final stop, it doesn't really go anywhere except the tram depot, my sons school and the long road to the next town.

He starts walking with us asking about Christmas, asks my son about his gifts etc. I'm feeling a bit uneasy and rush my son along while, saying something like "oh well have a nice day etc" he then asks me if I have time for a coffee, rather taken aback I blurted out "sorry no I'm on my way to a job interview" and rushed off.

So, finally (if anyone has got this far) is, aibu to think this all really odd. Mainly the supermarket conversation/knowing where I live/movements/tram thing? The balcony thing, as I say, is most likely unconnected but possibly why I'm feeling more freaked out than should be necessary.

I would find this really disturbing. You have his contact details, would the police go round and tell him to do one, if you gave them his details? Not suggesting you should contact him yourself.

I don't think you're over thinking and I would be very concerned. UK has laws regarding stalking, does the country you are in have any?

Echo what pp have said in respect to additional security and definitely inform police.

Initially I thought Aw, he fancies you! But went when he disclosed he knew where you live and what your usual movements were...

I don't think you've got anything to go to the police with yet, but I'd keep an eye out. And no I don't think you're being paranoid, it's really odd.

You can get CCTV cameras relatively cheaply on Amazon.

OP,
Can you review your security asap? Have you got window locks, chain on the door, additional bolts, light that comes on when someone comes up to the door? There are all sorts of other things you can do but if you are feeling spooked, making sure that you feel secure inside is important.
I would also consider net / voile curtains / blinds so that no one can look inside if they're outside and ensure that you always close curtains, blinds before putting on lights.
It may sound a bit OTT but if it guarantees your privacy for a while??

(I'm assuming you're in a country that has Amazon).

I would tell the police.

And I'd tell him, in no uncertain terms, to back off. You are not interested and his attention is unwelcome.

I think I would be inclined to start using a different supermarket and I think you might also want to consider asking your neighbours if they've seen him anywhere near your apartment.

What sort of person is he? Does he seem to have 'normal' social skills or does he come across as strange in the way he talks?

If you see him again and he asks you out or for coffee, then you need to firmly say 'No, I'm afraid I'm not interested.' It's fine to be blunt with him. If you don't encounter him again, then you'll know he was just clueless and over-persistent, but if he still carries on pestering you after that, you would have grounds to speak to the police.

The stuff about your balcony is beyond creepy. They could be unconnected but I can absolutely see why you're really freaked out.

That all sounds very odd. It would freak me out a bit. I would be inclined to let the police know. They may know more about him, if he has done anything like this before, and if he is likely to be a risk to you.

Get a CCTV OP.

I would be careful not to give him information about yourself, your routine, places you go to. But also be careful not to make him angry - if he is crazy enough to follow you, you don't know how he will react if you reject him in a too obvious way.

If he talks to you maybe ask him something about him and when he is done answering say you have to go. This way he won't get angry as you were friendly, but you won't have disclosed anything about yourself.

Make sure you are closing blinds, shutters etc, and that he is not watching you in your apartment from a distance. Definitely get a bloke to pop in, leave male stuff around, etc. It might even be worth telling school about it. Make sure DS knows this man is not Mummy's friend even though he pretends to be, he is actually a stranger.

What happened to the belt? Have you still got it?

Can you get a copy of the CCTV from the supermarket so you have his photo? It depends on the laws where you live and if they have it.

Tool up op and pay attention to your spidey sense!

Cameras on entry points and car, alarm fitted (with panic button if possible), cactii on balcony walls - you get the jist.

This may be nothing, be sure to prove that to yourself by being security prudent. Invite male friends/relatives to visit often. Keep up to date with neighbours. Teach your dc how to deal with approach.

Better safe than sorry and if it is nothing you can rest easy, if it is something you have evidence.

If you bump into this guy (and you do not want to get to know him) be very direct - "No offence intended but I do not know you and do not wish to, please leave me be thank you."

Some guys just have crap social ettiquette, a very few are a bit unhinged - don't get caught off guard and hopefully the second will never latch on to you as a target.

This is why feminism matters!

Use a different supermarket for a bit and see if he pops up there. If he does, then I would tell him in no uncertain terms that he has creeped you out and you would like him not to approach you again.

I'd also consider asking the police to run his name to see if he has come to their attention before. He sounds like a stalker.

You can also use anti vandal paint on the outside of the balcony, it will mark him as it doesnt dry.

I don't like the sound of this at all. I would also go back to the police. next time you see him I would not engage with him at all.

This would creep me out too!
Is there a male friend you could ask to come on the tram with for a few times and make it seem like you are a couple?. I also think like PP that some cctv on your balcony might be in order.

I would consider buying this blinkforhome.com/
It records and sends footage to your smartphone and Ifone, is wireless and seems to be really good security camera, cheap and very little installation to it.

The boots are a great idea, telling him to leave you alone, you are not interested is another, lockdown your FB page to allow friends only access to what you post. Block him from contacting you on there. Diary and write down all the times and places he has contacted you and what he has said.
Tell your neighbours to call the police if they see anyone strange hanging around your balcony, and to give out no information about you at all ever to anyone asking.

Also is there any way of putting a gate on your balcony to stop anyone getting onto it. It must be down low enough if he can get onto it, I know you possibly need it as an exit route in case of a fire but could you install a sliding gate that locks and keep the key close to the door inside your apartment?

And yes do contact the police and tell them all this too and ask them for ways/tips to ensure your safety

I think if this had happened to me I wouldn't be panicked exactly, but I would most definitely be exercising a bit of extra caution. Make sure doors and windows are locked when you're in and curtains/blinds are firmly shut at night. Change your supermarket. Check your privacy settings on social media and close them down. If he approaches you again, make it clear (gently but firmly) that you're not interested and keep moving. Tell friends what has happened and ask for help if you need it, and escalate to the police if you have any cause whatsoever for concern. Hopefully he'll get the message really quickly and you can soon go back to normal.

He told me his Street address then asked why I was shopping in supermarket A when supermarket B was closer to my house

This is a major red alert to me. If you didn't know him and you hadn't told him your address it suggests he has been following you.

Combined with the other stuff (particularly the FB contact) I definitely think you have enough to report to the police for (a) a record for the future and (b) advice.

Also stop giving him information about yourself such as saying you are going to a job interview. No, thank you is a perfectly acceptable refusal and if he pushes it, just say I am not interested in meeting you at all ever, please leave me alone.

Daaaaaaan, scary stuff !
I would mention it to the Police, and up your security.
Yes, yes, to the boots !
Mention it to School, no one else ever to collect Son.
Tell the neighbours.
Just be as vigilant, as you have been, but don't keep it quiet.
Keep us posted, it can't be very nice for you OP. ☹️

Get a big dog.
Does this man share any social media freinds with you? It might be worth asking around to find out s bit more (knowledge is power) he may be totally harmless and just plain fancies you.
Do you have good neighbours? It might be worth mentioning it to them to keep dye out incase he is sneaking around your place.
Also next time he stops you to chat just tell him politely thank you for the offer of coffee but you have a boyfriend/husband and he wouldn't appreciate you following me and trying to ask me out. so fuck off you weirdo

OP, YANBU. This could potentially be quite serious. My advice is:

• Start keeping a diary today. Begin it by writing down everything you have told us. Then keep it updated with any new incidents.

• If you see him again, and he tries to engage you in conversation, stop him and say you don't appreciate his attentions and can he please leave you alone. That way you have made your stance absolutely clear and it can't be open to any kind of interpretation.

• Tell all your neighbours about the incidents at and near your home. Ask them to be vigilant and to report anything suspicious to the police.

• If he follows you anywhere, if he won't leave you alone after you have asked him to, phone the police straight away and record it in your diary.

• Go to your son's school and have a meeting with the head and teacher. Tell them the situation and describe the man to them. Ask them to be vigilant and that you are the only person who has authority to pick your son up from school.

• Tell your son never to talk to the man, and that if the man asks him to go somewhere with him that he is to say no. Make sure he knows he only gets picked up from school by you.

• Get CCTV.

Stay vigilant and safe, OP. Please come back on and update us with how things are going.

Op I would install a camera outside ( any maybe inside too) your house, this sounds very worrying.