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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To turn down an invite to soft play because of germs?

318 replies

Skatingonthinice16 · 26/01/2017 21:22

Ds (7) has been invited to a soft play party, I don't want him to go because I think basically they are a complete germ fest but he obviously goes to school so is soft play any worse than that?
But then how often is soft play ever cleaned? Never? Someone I know took their child and their child went in the ball pool and got covered in poo. Who knows what lurks in the ball pool?! I'd hoped by 7 ds wouldn't ever have to go to soft play again. It's been about 2 years since we've been but my germ phobia didn't exist then so it didn't bother me.

Aibu to say no based on the fact I don't want us all to catch norovirus?

OP posts:
Strongmummy · 27/01/2017 09:07

OP, I think you may need to think about why you are so anti soft play/public toilets. You're concerns are quite irrational in that we're confronted by germs day in and day out. Your body needs this exposure to build up defences. As a pp said you don't want to pass on your concerns over germs to your son.

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 09:14

I know I am irrational but I can't change how I feel about germs. It really doesn't feel that irrational. You only need about ten particles of and and b bug to be infected and they are really hardy so live on surfaces very well.
I don't take dc2 out in the week really, we spend most of the time in the house. When the weather is better it will be a little easier as I can only think of inside places to go at the moment. I'd go to the park or for a walk but most days since Christmas it's been wet or freezing or both.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/01/2017 09:17

Why are you ignoring everyone who is trying to help by suggesting you need to seek proper support?

titchy · 27/01/2017 09:19

I know I am irrational but I can't change how I feel about germ

You can if you seek help. You're choosing not to and being hugely damaging to your kids in making that choice.

JanuaryMoods · 27/01/2017 09:19

You must get help for the sake of your poor children, OP.

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 09:22

The thing is I have accessed support. I've been to the GP. I've waited (for six months) for a CBT referral.

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 27/01/2017 09:23

We need exposure to germs. It's how our immune systems build up.

Trying to wrap him in cotton wool is firstly counterproductive, you will compromise his health in the long term and secondly impossible.

YABCU

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 09:24

I feel worse for dc2. By 13 months dc1 went to baby swim and had done since he was three months old, went to two baby / toddler groups, went to the library every week.
Dc2 has never been swimming or to groups or to the library (books hard to clean and everyone touches them. Must be covered in germs)

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 27/01/2017 09:25

You're limiting your children's experiences because of your irrational fears. That's really not fair.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 27/01/2017 09:29

Can you see your GP for your anxiety OP?

You're working on the premise that your kids WILL get a vomiting bug from soft play. It's not all that likely in reality.

You're also working on the premise that a sickness bug could cause complications like dehydration. It's not all that common either - most people can at least keep a bit of water or juice down when they have a sickness bug. And most only last 24 hours.

It's a very unlikely chain of events that your kids would pick up a serious illness from soft play. Extremely unlikely.

What is vastly more likely is that your anxiety disorder will impact greatly on your family and cause them to become ill, too. Because I do think you are ill, OP. Flowers

ShowMePotatoSalad · 27/01/2017 09:32

Did your Dr not prescribed any anti-anxiety medication?

Presume you are in UK, OP. So you paid for your kids to be vaccinated against chicken pox rather than letting them get it like virtually all other children? Was that because of your anxiety as well?

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 09:41

They prescribed anti depressants which made me feel worse.

I hadn't had chicken pox and I'm an adult so we all got vaccinated. As an adult the vaccine is only 75% effective so I figured that if both children were vaccinated they were less likely to bring it home to me. I didn't want them to have it either, I know it's usually mild but not always.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 09:41

I like how I had to clarify I was an adult in that post!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/01/2017 09:48

So you need to go back and try something else, as the saying says "if at first you don't succeed"

You and your children can't carry on living in a little bubble, it's not healthy

Kitsandkids · 27/01/2017 09:48

I don't really have much to add that other people haven't said, but my almost 9 year old is being assessed for ASD and he also still puts things in his mouth. When he's watching TV for instance he'll sit sucking on the top of the remote control if I don't stop him! I'm also always telling him to take his mouth off bus stops etc. If he's not got an object in his mouth his fingers will often be there. So he must have ingested a lot of germs over the years. I always insist on hand washing after the toilet but before meals I don't normally bother, unless we've just come in from the beach or somewhere.

But, touch wood, he's hardly ever ill. 100% attendance all of last year and so far this year at school. Not many colds etc.

His brother, who doesn't put everything in his mouth, although not ill much, has had a couple of colds this winter and had a sickness bug in the summer that his brother didn't catch. I do think that my eldest's extra exposure to germs is probably keeping him healthier in the long run! (Though I do tell him to keep things away from his mouth!)

We also go to soft play quite regularly. My two still love it and most of them near me go up to age 12. They've never been ill afterwards (youngest's sick bug was caught off a friend at school). They've even once told me they'd found some poo, which we got a staff member to deal with, but they washed their hands and weren't ill from that either.

MsHooliesCardigan · 27/01/2017 09:52

OP I agree that you sound really unwell and I don't think anything anyone on here says is going to change your behaviour because your beliefs sound too entrenched.
Did you read the article a PP linked to about how exposure to germs helps build up a child's immune system? By keeping your baby at home, you are not just making their life very restricted, you are making it extremely likely that when they go to school or nursery, they will be constantly ill because their immune system hasn't developed. I feel for you, I really do but you must see that this isn't fair on your children. There are some really good online CBT resources which you could try while you're waiting to see a therapist. I'll try and find some of them.

MsHooliesCardigan · 27/01/2017 09:57

Also, DS2 had noro virus when he was 8 months old. It wasn't fun but it wasn't the end of the world and he's hardly ever been ill since - he's 8 now.

elektrawoman · 27/01/2017 09:59

OP please go back to your GP. Your DC2 is not leading the normal life of a 13 month old, being kept stuck at home because of your irrational fears. And yes they ARE irrational you need to accept that.
No library, swimming or baby groups? That's really sad. You are also making it much harder for him as when he does go to nursery/school he will get ill a lot from lack of exposure to germs. Not to mention the effect the lack of social interaction must be having. Did you discuss it with your health visitor at the 12 month check?

GimmeeMoore · 27/01/2017 10:00

I appreciate you have hygiene/health worries as a parent,but I think you're overworrying
Realistically,germs are everywhere and unless your son is immuno-suppressed its not a problem
On a daily basis you don't need antibacterial spray etc,good hand hygiene is enough
Exposure to germs is ok if not immunosuppressed,in fact it builds resilience
Let him play freely,no special hygiene interventions reqd.its ok to play and mix freely
Soft play is generally fun for kids (less so for adults)

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 10:02

I read that because their immune systems don't mature until 3 that anything they catch earlier - and particularly in the first twelve months - the often get again anyway. Dc2 will go to nursery at 3 but will be that much older to cope with stuff.

OP posts:
elektrawoman · 27/01/2017 10:08

OP you are avoiding a lot of good points being made on here. I don't think you are accepting that you have a problem. I am not sure what else we can say to make you realise that your current way of life is not healthy for you or your DCs.

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 10:11

I just can't face them being ill. I know they are missing out on things. I can't see us being able to go on holiday again for instance. But at least they aren't ill.

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 27/01/2017 10:14

I have a serious dust allergy and asthma because I grew up in a too sterile home, OP.

Strong immune systems are one of the best gifts you can give your children. Getting ill as children is part and parcel of that.

purplefizz26 · 27/01/2017 10:15

Why did you post asking if YABU if you don't want to take on board what people are saying?

You are limiting what your kids can do because of your fears, and that isn't fair.

You need to go back to the GP and ask for help, not leaving the house much, avoiding libraries and play centres etc and not touching what other people have touched isn't normal.

elektrawoman · 27/01/2017 10:15

Re your DC2 and nursery. What about the effect of lack of social interaction? Do you not think it will make it much harder for DC2 to settle at nursery having never been to a playgroup or a cafe or a library? How will they join in with other children's role-play games? You are obviously well-meaning but you are not being fair on your DCs.

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