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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To turn down an invite to soft play because of germs?

318 replies

Skatingonthinice16 · 26/01/2017 21:22

Ds (7) has been invited to a soft play party, I don't want him to go because I think basically they are a complete germ fest but he obviously goes to school so is soft play any worse than that?
But then how often is soft play ever cleaned? Never? Someone I know took their child and their child went in the ball pool and got covered in poo. Who knows what lurks in the ball pool?! I'd hoped by 7 ds wouldn't ever have to go to soft play again. It's been about 2 years since we've been but my germ phobia didn't exist then so it didn't bother me.

Aibu to say no based on the fact I don't want us all to catch norovirus?

OP posts:
username1317 · 26/01/2017 22:24

I sort of understand your concerns OP (though think you know you ABU for reasons you've explained). I sometimes struggle with this kind of thing because DS (1) is ill so often ATM I just want an easy life tbh.

I try to think of it like this:
What will he risk by going?
Vs
What will he gain by going?

I almost always decide that what he gains is greater than the risks. In this case, germs and being ill once, Vs forming deeper friendships, confidence, social empathy, gross motor skills, fitness, belief in his physical ability. Etc.

One bout of illness might seem like a big deal to you but in the grand scheme of his life not going will be more significant.

bumsexatthebingo · 26/01/2017 22:30

You need to get some help with your anxiety before you normalise it for your child. Not being able to swim or go out for any length of time due to fears about germs is no way to live.

indigox · 26/01/2017 22:31

I completely understand you as I have OCD, germ related but my DS has been to soft play many times, he's never been ill as a result though I do bath him as soon as we get home if soft plays were as bad as you're thinking no one would ever go to them.

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 26/01/2017 22:32

It's vomiting bugs really...we would all get it. I'm so tired and only just coping that I feel that if we all got a vomiting bug that might be the actual end of me.
I can cope with colds. But I think soft play lends itself very well to vomiting bugs in particular.

OP posts:
UterusUterusGhali · 26/01/2017 22:34

What has changed, op, that you now have much more interest in germs?

What made you start googling them and using phrases like "viral load"? Was one of you very unwell?

indigox · 26/01/2017 22:36

Even if he doesn't go, if a group of kids go and catch the vomiting bug you think he's going to get chances are he'll end up catching it at school anyway.

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 26/01/2017 22:36

Yes sort of.
I do know a lot about germs...

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 26/01/2017 22:38

It's not automatic that there will be a sickness bug, I've been countless time and I can't remember my kids ever being sick after it.

blankmind · 26/01/2017 22:42

I agree with all the other posters' helpful suggestions.

However, this would make me think twice about where I'd let him go to.
Unfortunately he DOES still put everything in his mouth. We are waiting for a referral for an ASD diagnosis and he has sensory type issues and he does lick his hands a lot and also put everything in his mouth...like a toddler. It drives me mad!

OP, have you seen/could you see an OT who specialises in sensory issues, he's obviously sensory-seeking, could you ask for an OT to suggest how you could divert that with a sensory diet? (it's nothing to do with food, it's about satisfying the need to seek for sensory input)

JigglyTuff · 26/01/2017 22:43

I've been to soft play more times that I care to remember. We have never had noro in our house and we're not particularly clean either - there's not loads of handwashing and antibac stuff around here and we have pets who sleep on the beds.

Your fear is irrational.

LauraMipsum · 26/01/2017 22:44

If he has possible ASD and sensory issues does he WANT to go to soft play? I always feel like I've been punched repeatedly in the head when I've taken DD to a soft play and I know a lot of other people with ASD who actively avoid them due to sensory overload.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 26/01/2017 22:44

Skating can you not see how harmful it is to not want your child to use a public toilet? Children can live without softplay but it must be limiting your lives so much.

Chickoletta · 26/01/2017 22:44

I mean this kindly, OP, but I think you need help. Your germ phobia and general anxiety are clearly impacting on your life and your son's. Have a chat with your GP and see if they can help. Please don't let your worries get in the way of your son having a normal childhood - that would be far worse than the occasional sickness bug.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 26/01/2017 22:46

I also take fresh socks, so when DD has finished 'on the equipment ' the grubby/filthy socks come off before she puts her shoes back on.

What with the anti-bac hand wipes and spare socks I'm the neurotic mother in the group Blush

Lots of people are worried about you OP and think you should see your GP - are you going to consider it? It's exhausting to be obsessing and worrying all of the time, you must be absolutely shattered and stressed out Flowers

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 26/01/2017 22:47

Sickness bugs are grim though... also dc2, aged 13 months, would catch it and that could be more of a problem.

I am considering paying to see an OT privately for ds's sensory issues. The referral is taking a looonnng time.

OP posts:
Screwinthetuna · 26/01/2017 22:50

I get where you are coming from. I have germ phobia (viruses, not overall cleanliness and mud, etc). I used to wipe down the handle of the shopping trolley and blamed soft play every time one of my kids got sick. However, one day I just had other things to focus on and stopped doing it (the sanitising) and starting taking them to soft play more. What I soon discovered is that they didn't get any more sick.
I do either wash their hands or use sanitiser after soft play and if they are going to eat in the car after being in the trolley. However, I do feel a bit bad about doing this and the times I've forgotten, they also haven't gotten sick.
I've been there though and remember that awful, nauseating, anxiety tummy ache after seeing my kid lick the ball pond balls.
I think you are going to have to start taking him more often to overcome it. School carpet is a hell of a lot worse.
So, YABU, let the kid enjoy his childhood, but I do understand

Crumbs1 · 26/01/2017 22:50

I'm going to be a bit controversial and ask whether you have considered that your sons ASD referral is because of his problems or yours? It feels like you are the one with mental health issues of sufficient severity to impact on how your child responds to the world.

DeidrePewtey · 26/01/2017 22:54

I presume this is a troll, or a piss-take. Humans have manage to survive for many thousands of years whilst interacting with other people

LittleMissUpset · 26/01/2017 22:55

I have OCD and am autistic and while I understand the germ phobia Ive tried to be reasonable about it. I try and maintain good hygiene without going over the top Blush

I hate public toilets but DS1 seems to need the toilet a lot so I can't avoid them, and he has ASD and is sensory seeking so I do worry about him, as he is forgetful about washing his hands, I always make them wash their hands as soon as we get back from school!

But I figure they get exposed to lots of germs in school, and at swimming lessons, and I think swimming is more important than my germ fear!

I know it's hard but you need to try and keep a balance.

LizzieMacQueen · 26/01/2017 22:57

Think this through logically.

Suppose you don't let him go but others in his class do. If there is a norovirus bug to be caught at soft play then his classmates will all be exposed so by default your kid will too, when he sees them at school.

Apologies if that makes your anxiety worse.

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 26/01/2017 22:59

I don't think so crumbs because ds has always had these issues whereas I have only been like this the last twelve months or so.
It's been obvious pretty well since ds was born that there are some additional needs there.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 26/01/2017 23:00

How do you manage with playing in the mud and the dirt at the park? What about the play equipment at the park?

TheNoodlesIncident · 26/01/2017 23:00

You really do need to be very careful that your ds does not pick up on your anxieties Skating, as children - or maybe just people - with ASD are far more prone to developing phobias. It won't make life any easier for you or him if he does, will it?

I have taken ds dozens of times to soft play (he's eight) and he's NEVER come down with an illness afterwards. Is your ds ill often or does he actually seem quite robust when you consider it?

clumsyduck · 26/01/2017 23:01

We used to live at soft play and play groups and I can't think of one time dc ever got ill .

DeidrePewtey · 26/01/2017 23:01

Do you wear a full bio hazard suit when you take a dump?