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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I be raging now? Or wait till I speak to the teacher?

86 replies

HalfwayToFifty · 26/01/2017 20:33

4yo DS goes to preschool Tuesdays and Thursdays. He takes packed lunch of ham sandwich, brioche, 2 small yogurts, satsuma and grapes. He usually eats the lot. If he leaves anything it's the satsuma. Today all that had gone was his sandwich. He said 'xxxxx told me I had to put it away' I asked if he was still hungry to which he replied 'yes' I think I should hear the other side but I just feel angry he wasn't allowed to finish his lunch! He's had an issue with being frightened to ask for the toilet whilst there which appeared to be resolved. Today I went to get him dressed after school and he was soaked. A 30 minute walk home in this weather, soaked. He's also a nervous nail biter and has been doing this this evening.
He was on the verge of tears all the way home but didn't want to tell me why. Should I be angry without speaking to the teacher first? I hate to see him the way he was today!

OP posts:
SanitysSake · 26/01/2017 20:35

Your poor son. I'd be removing him from that school quick sharpish. x

PurpleDaisies · 26/01/2017 20:35

What did he say was the reason for not being allowed to finish his lunch?

Being angry without knowing the full facts is rarely helpful.

PurpleDaisies · 26/01/2017 20:37

Sorry, posted too soon. If sounds like something's going on. I'd arrange to speak to the teacher as soon as possible.

Wolfiefan · 26/01/2017 20:37

I wouldn't be raging. You have no idea why they told him to put it away.
He shouldn't be left hungry though.
Why is he scared to ask to go to the toilet?

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/01/2017 20:37

What reason was there apparently for the poor sod to not be able to finish his lunch. Why would he need to put it away they get an hour don't they?

Original poster
HalfwayToFifty · 26/01/2017 20:38

He couldn't really say Purple he doesn't understand what we are asking when we say why? He gets his w questions mixed up. Just feel so upset but obviously I will ask them about it calmly.

OP posts:
Reality16 · 26/01/2017 20:39

No don't be angry. Aside from anything else it's going to make you feel horrible and there is nothing yo can do right now because school is shut. Why would you be angry? Ask the pre school what happened, then deal accordingly. Definitely don't waste energy on anger without facts.

Original poster
HalfwayToFifty · 26/01/2017 20:40

11.30-12.30.
He is extremely shy that's why he won't ask. He will go when they all go as a group but if he needs it in between those times he won't speak up

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 26/01/2017 20:41

I wouldn't be angry, but I would want to speak to the teacher. I'm guessing their side could be something like 'he was given 30 minutes to eat his lunch but mucked around for the first twenty five'. So, I'd find the facts first, then make a decision.

CripsSandwiches · 26/01/2017 20:42

I'd definitely be approaching the school (obviously in a calm, just want to understand way).

It does sound like it might not be the best environment for your DS. My DS's nursery was lovely - they knew which kids needed to be reminded or coaxed to use the loo DS's key worker even went with him each time and made sure no one flushed the chains because he was scared of them.

I also think it's inappropriate to let him go hungry. If he was messing about when he should have been eating well that's what 4 year olds do, he should have been gently reminded to get on with eating.

ChicRock · 26/01/2017 20:42

I'd speak to the teacher first. Something's clearly bothering him. If he was taking ages to eat his lunch then maybe it had come to the end of lunch break which is why he as told to put it away.?

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 26/01/2017 20:44

Is it possible on this occasion to eat his sandwiches that lunch time was over before he had finished?

Unlikely given that they get an hour but it seems like the only feasible explanation.

TheWitTank · 26/01/2017 20:45

I think you need to speak to them first and ask the questions. No point in winding yourself up imagining terrible situations.
Perhaps he hadn't wanted his lunch at the time, then wanted it later on but hadn't said to the teacher as he is scared to ask? Maybe he had been picking over it for an hour so they put it away?
Did he not have a chage of clothes in his bag for accidents? Do they have spares available? Our pre always had a big box of clothes for accidents.

Original poster
HalfwayToFifty · 26/01/2017 20:45

I do think there is something emotional going on. He mentioned a few months ago a girl pulling faces at him (not a big deal to us but probably massive to a 4yo) it all seemed to settle. I'm going to put aside everything tomorrow and spend time talking and trying to gently coax out of him what's wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
HalfwayToFifty · 26/01/2017 20:46

He always takes a change of clothes.

OP posts:
FlouncingInAWinterWonderland · 26/01/2017 20:47

Does he carry a school bag? Could he have a dry pair of pants and trousers and a carrier/ plastic bag in there so if he has a wet he can just quietly change, no fuss.

FlouncingInAWinterWonderland · 26/01/2017 20:48

Sorry cross post

mymatemax · 26/01/2017 20:49

Sometimes it's as simple as little Johnny threw up on the dinner table so had to clear the kids out of the way. If he's sensitive something simple could upset him enough to wet. I'd be wary of jumping to conclusions.

Bluntness100 · 26/01/2017 20:49

I'd wait and speak to the school. He was maybe messing around snd didn't eat in the required time or ate someone else's. I doubt they would deliberately starve a child so something else here. Don't under estimate them, he knows the word "why" and what your asking, his confusion in responding will be because he's not very adept at telling fibs yet. Kids can be little buggers at times, even when they are four 😂

Original poster
HalfwayToFifty · 26/01/2017 20:50

I think I've built it all up in my head, put everything together and now think he's going to be just like me. I was the same and I was bullied out of school. I'm scared the same will happen to him.

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 26/01/2017 20:50

Had he just had a wee as you arrived or had he been sitting wet for a while? I would have asked to come in and get him changed rather than walking him home uncomfortable and cold. Have a word tomorrow -hope he is alright.

Original poster
HalfwayToFifty · 26/01/2017 20:52

By out of school I mean I stopped going. Not that it didn't happen at school. He may be his dad in looks but he has my personality. I'd hate for him to go through what I did.

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Original poster
HalfwayToFifty · 26/01/2017 20:53

TheWitTank I dint realise till we were home Sad I feel awful about that.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 26/01/2017 20:54

You shouldn't be 'raging' until you have asked for an explanation.

Trifleorbust · 26/01/2017 20:54

Plus, if he ate his sandwich he still had lunch. There may be a good reason why he couldn't finish the rest.

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