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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that just because you're off work sick doesn't mean you cannot leave the house

243 replies

user1485342611 · 26/01/2017 11:00

Someone has just been complaining that they spotted a colleague who is off work sick for the week out and about in their local shopping centre. Apparently if they're well enough to do that, they're well enough to be in work.

One of the reasons a doctor will certify you off work for a week is to give you time to rest and take it easy as you recover from an illness. That doesn't mean you can't leave the house. There's a big difference between getting up at 7am, facing a long commute and a full day at work, and not getting home until 6 or 7 pm; and going for a gentle browse around the local shops/meeting your mum for coffee or some such.

AIBU to wonder why people don't get this, and speak accusingly of anyone who dares to venture outside their front door when they're out of work on a medical cert?

OP posts:
corythatwas · 26/01/2017 17:05

mambono5 Thu 26-Jan-17 16:55:37
"I think most people would be understanding when seeing a "sick" member of staff in Boots or similar, but not so much in Next or Costa. At least have the decency to keep a low profile when you take a sickie. If you too ill to go to work, you are too unwell to try a pair of shoes or a bikini. No one said you should starve, not see a doctor or buy the medicine you need."

So supposing you had been signed off with a mental health disorder which had driven you to a suicide attempt and left you so severely agoraphobic that you were unable to go to work, and the doctor said to you "This is treatable, you can get better, but only if you start gradually building up your health by setting yourself smaller tasks. Start tomorrow with walking as far as the lamp post, by the end of the week see if you can get as far as the nearest shop. Then try going into a shop to speaking to someone. Then try having a coffee. This way there is a good chance you will be back at work in a couple of months time. But if you try going back to work now, there is a very good chance you will end up sectioned" - what would you do?

Go back to work and have to be taken away by paramedics after you collapsed in the loo unable to move?

"Have the decency not to be seen" even though it meant you never actually got any better?

Or take the doctor's advice and recover, so as to once more be a productive member of the work force?

Not at all an uncommon scenario, I can assure you.

mambono5 · 26/01/2017 17:05

Some posters like harderandharder2breathe are struggling to hear someone else opinion, but this is out of order and really offensive.

corythatwas · 26/01/2017 17:09

I do not wish anyone dead, which is why I want more understanding and less stigma around MH issues.

Because some of the people I used to know are dead.

And some others would be dead if they had not met with support and understanding and a willingness to be informed on the part of the people around them.

hollinhurst84 · 26/01/2017 17:09

When I was having CBT and off work, part of it was being in town and in a shop or Costa with the woman who was doing my CBT
I was in next as well

WyfOfBathe · 26/01/2017 17:12

but this is out of order and really offensive.
Ahhh, so you realise that all your posts about how mental health problems don't exist are out of order and really offensive. Good.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/01/2017 17:14

I have MH issues too so I get the frustration but once you make that leve of personal attack on someone, you just look fucking nasty.

ATailofTwoKitties · 26/01/2017 17:15

Mambono:

My brother is (all too frequently) off work with MH problems.
If they spiral, he stops taking his meds. And as he's bipolar, well, I was going to spell it out, but I'll leave him his dignity.

He quite often lets it be known at work that he has 'a bad back', or flu, or glandular fever. Management know what is going on, but the rest of the staff don't.

The last particularly 'bad back' had him sectioned for several weeks, then on a slow process of recovery that most certainly did involve coffee shops, with a CPN who was with him on suicide watch.

His employers value him hugely and allow him a staged return each time so that he can do the job he's trained for years to do. But he would still look to you like a chap in a coffee shop, having a skive.

mambono5 · 26/01/2017 17:15

I still think that if you post photos on social media of you having the holiday of a lifetime on a luxury cruise whilst off sick, you can't expect understanding from your colleagues. If you happen to have a terminal disease, they cannot guess it. If you only give them only part of the story, then they can judge only by what they know.

If you meet someone who is off sick on a Saturday night clubbing and having fun, you can't tell me that your first thoughts will be "Oh poor her, she must be struggling so much". That's not what you will be thinking in real life.

Keep your private life private by all means, but then don't complain about other people judgement.

mambono5 · 26/01/2017 17:21

the problem is that no-one is talking about the same thing on this thread.

sickie
A sick day that you take when you just don't feel like going to work or had too much to drink the night before.

I believe that taking a sickie and strolling the shops is not acceptable, I don't care if you find that offensive WyfOfBathe. I still make a difference between real illness and being lazy. Most people do when they inherit their sick colleague workload.

Polarbearflavour · 26/01/2017 17:21

I have been off with anxiety - a nice walk or popping for a coffee locally when I was able to, really helped.

I have been off sick for several weeks with a broken foot. I was able to be driven out for a meal or coffee in the car as a passenger.

JassyRadlett · 26/01/2017 17:22

Have the decency not to be seen

Ah I understand now. It's about appearances, not what's actually best for the individual's health.

Shit-poor management, but unfortunately very common.

CherrySkull · 26/01/2017 17:22

my brother has depression, he also suffers with ME/CFS and social anxiety.

I'm now a SAHM due to DS's disabilities, and while my brother was ill and signed off work, i used to pick him up and take him for coffee, or for lunch.

It might have been the only thing he did that day, other than sit on his couch, or lie on his bed.. as a family member i am a 'safe' person to him so he can do social things with me that he couldn't with anyone else or on his own.

Would you really tell him he ought to be at work if he's able to sit in my car and then sit in a restaurant and eat dinner with me?

corythatwas · 26/01/2017 17:26

"I believe that taking a sickie and strolling the shops is not acceptable"

So if your doctor tells you this is the only way you will recover- what do you do?

(and in case you start talking about cruises and night-clubs again, not that the above cut-and-paste from your last post clearly specifies shops)

corythatwas · 26/01/2017 17:29

When I had pneumonia I was able to read a book in bed but not walk.

When my student had depression she was able to walk but not read the simplest text.

From the pov of work, this made us both equally incapable. So why was my incapability real but not hers?

FunSpunge · 26/01/2017 17:48

I was always told as a child "if you're not well enough to go to school you're not well enough to go out"

So, personally, if I feel well enough to go out socialising ie coffee with friends, go to a clothes shop or go to the cinema, I would go to work.

If I can only face going to the dr or to the chemist then I don't go to work. That's how I, rightly or wrongly, gauge how poorly I am.

Farfromtheusual · 26/01/2017 17:49

Definitely think it depends what you're off with!

I once worked with someone who had apparently fractured her coccyx, and was signed off work for like 6 weeks or something. 2 weeks after she actually came into work shopping Hmm she had walked about 5 miles there, with a huge heavy rucksack on, and was bending down picking up her 2 little sisters. She hen said she would be walking back home! I knew she was faking but didn't say anything only because I knew nothing would be done. About 2 months ago I fell down the stairs and landed on my coccyx and could barely sit, walk, bend down, pick up my 4mo DS for weeks!

I tend not to leave the house when I'm ill no matter what is the matter with me but that's just because I'm a lazy wimp Grin

I think is hilarious when people who are lying get caught out though, someone I know rang in sick for a night shift so she could go out (told her colleagues this is what she was going to do) and then one of her friends tagged her in a photo on Facebook 😂

FunSpunge · 26/01/2017 17:50

Forgot to add..this is only for short term sickness or cough/cold/sickness etc etc
It's a totally different for LT Sickness

Lima1 · 26/01/2017 17:53

Just in relation to the comments re migraines (directed at me I assume), people have different symptoms with migraines. I have BPV and my migraines are associated with it. My symptoms are dizziness, severe headache (doesn't respond to painkillers) vision problems (I get occular migraines frequently), aversion to noise and nausea. Extremely unpleasant and debilitating and I would certainly love to hide under a duvet when I have them but I must go to work. So just to point out I know the difference between it and a 'bad headache'😉

RubyGoat · 26/01/2017 17:55

It's not always about how it affects your team who have to pick up your workload though, is it. When I was pregnant I had madly fluctuating blood pressure, which used to plummet without reason or warning, resulting in my fainting on a regular basis from about 14 weeks onwards. Of course, whenever it happened at work, they had to have a first aider out, I was usually taken home, forms were filled in, etc etc. Which usually took about 2 hours. Paramedics called a couple of times when I was especially out of it... I don't drive (& wouldn't be eligible for a parking space anyway as I live too close, only a couple of miles away). No regular buses. My doctor wanted to sign me offsick & I repeatedly refused, but gave in at end of the 2nd trimester. I really don't think anyone would have expected me to remain indoors for the last 3 months, especially as DH was with me (unemployed) so I was quite safe. Albeit a menace to the first aiders of the local shops who all got to know me quite well... as well as several neighbours & random but very kind strangers. Blush

RoseGoldHippie · 26/01/2017 17:55

I would like to change the answer I wrote earlier on as I was under the impression you were talking about very short term, self certificating time off sick.

I think if a person has flu or other such illnesses - mainly contagious - I would think it was off of them to be out and about shopping round town and going out in the evenings living it up. Even drs tell you not to go in now for a lot of that as it is a risk to other patients.

Long term illness (including mental health and recovery from ops/illnesses etc) is imo a totally different kettle of fish and I would be pissed if I heard a colleague slating a person for going out under those circumstances and would let them know about it!

I think a lot of people on here have confused the two situations but no I don't think YABU for thinking people shouldn't 'dob' each other in because really, it is none of their business.

Lima1 · 26/01/2017 17:56

Also re food shopping, I don't usually run out of food on a daily basis, I do a weekly shop and if I had to shop for food and was so sick I couldn't work I'd shop online or make a very short trip to the local shop.

corythatwas · 26/01/2017 17:57

Ok fair enough, Lima. I have the same. I tend to think of it as a bad headache, as it is so much less debilitating than the migraines suffered by some family members, but maybe you are right and I should call it a migraine.

RoseGoldHippie · 26/01/2017 17:57

Well I certainly confused the two in my original post anyway!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/01/2017 17:59

I can't shop online (only have a prepaid card which is only topped up for specific things) and I don't keep food in the house, I buy it on the way home from work for that night. And I mean literally no pasta, beans, bread etc so if I was well enough to eat I would have to go and get it from the shops

SignOnTheWindow · 26/01/2017 18:00

mambo It is not such a simple thing to draw a line between physical and 'mental' symptoms.

Depression for me manifests in a very physical way - my brain simply won't function. It's absolutely not just 'feeling a bit stressed.' My hands shake. I stumble and fall over. I can't sleep. There are some days I can hardly talk. The day before my breakdown, I had to set work for my students as I was unable to get words out.

I have been told by my psychiatrist, GP, counsellor, the crisis team and my bosses at work that I need to get out and about to aid recovery. They have actively encouraged me to get out for a coffee in the nearest shopping centre!

I realise that if you haven't encountered severe mental illness before it is very hard to understand. I find it hard to understand, myself.

I can also appreciate that as a business owner, sickness is hard to deal with. However, a good business owner surely needs to have factored in that no employee comes with a guarantee of health.