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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

re child giving up seat to an elderly person on the bus

347 replies

user1485342611 · 25/01/2017 15:25

My friend is furious because her 12 year old daughter was asked by an adult to give up her seat on the bus for an elderly man.

Apparently the bus was full, my friend and her daughter were sitting separately and an elderly man with a walking stick got on. No one stood up so a woman who was standing near the door asked friend's dd if she would give the man her seat, which dd did. My friend is going on about the 'cheek' of 'some stranger' telling her daughter what to do and why didn't she ask another adult etc etc

AIBU to think she's being ridiculous, and her daughter should have stood up without prompting?

OP posts:

barinatxe · 25/01/2017 17:40

The only thing that is unreasonable is that the child did not have the manners and sense to offer the seat of her own accord. At least she did when it was prompted.

TheCustomaryMethod · 25/01/2017 17:41

But where do you draw the line?

I am 33 should a 25 year old give up a seat for me? Should I give one up for a 40 year old?

I think you apply common sense - no one is expecting passengers to compare their birth years, but if a person looks significantly older you should offer your seat.

You could say for example:

ill/disabled/pregnant of any age - priority to be seated
older passengers (retirement age +) - priority to be seated
fit adults (18+) - should give way to above
children/teenagers - 5 - 18 should give way to above
Under 5s - should sit on parents' knee but dependent on height may need a seat for safety reasons if that's not possible.

I am not setting that out as a definitive guide or looking to be bombarded with exceptions, but that's how I would personally apply common sense to the situation.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/01/2017 17:41

This is a regular thread on here...

user1484766714 · 25/01/2017 17:42

It can be scary for a child to speak to an adult to offer the seat, if they are painfully shy.
I was brought up to give my seat up to older people. In my 30's I did this for a woman in her 50's that looked tired. She accepted the seat and then spent the rest of the journey asking me, "How old do I look?" "Do you think I look that bad that I need a seat?" She took the seat and then I had to cope with her dented ego too! The rest of the people on the bus were smirking at what I had to put up with. Don't start me on the are they or aren't they pregnant game. Yes, young people should give up their seat if a person with greater diffculties needs it, but we also shouldn't get offended if we are offered one!

Spikeyball · 25/01/2017 17:45

I wouldn't expect anyone to give up their seat for me. Expecting a 5 year old to give up their seat for an adult is unreasonable.

BigbyWolf · 25/01/2017 17:46

Christ Painting that really is rude and entitled.

user1484766714 · 25/01/2017 17:47

Paintingowls- if somebody gets on a train or bus with a 4 year old, we should be offering them a seat. They are too little to hold on. They can always have mine.
The customarymethod- Don't you think 5 is too young. They have no co-ordination. They can't hold on, if parent has a younger child on their knee. Maybe 8-10 is a better way.

876TaylorMade · 25/01/2017 17:52

Why MUST a child give up their seat?

I remember taking the bus as a child and had to give up my seat to an adult... It was a long journey....and I was very tired. The person did not have a disability or impairment of any kind. My mother was standing in the bus.

I wouldn't tell my child to give up a seat simply because the person is an adult... an elderly person or someone in clear need of a seat then yes...don't wait to be asked. But to just get up, because an adult wants to sit is wrong IMO. They have just as much right to that seat as the poor tired adult.

The lady could have asked in the general vicinity...but should not have singled out the child. I'm sure everyone on the bus saw the man as well.

And if the mother had such an issue she could have vacated her seat...

SingaSong12 · 25/01/2017 17:54

I think parents should take the lead in teaching their children to stand if someone elderly or disabled gets on a bus. Individual parents can decide on what they teach about standing for any adult and when their is steady enough to stand for others.

But those seats at the front are priority for older and disabled people. I would say to anyone sitting there who is not older or disabled that they should give up their seat. And I have done

I have a hidden disability that varies. I always stand if I think someone needs the seat more than me.
On one occasion (as an adult) I needed a seat. A couple of older standing passengers stood over me talking about the rudeness of the younger generation not standing for their elders. I was ashamed and found it hard not to cry as I stood to let one of them sit down. On another occasion a woman stared at me and said - "can't you see that these seats are for the elderly and disabled?" That time I couldn't keep back the tears as I stood up (my depression was pretty bad at that point.)

brasty · 25/01/2017 17:55

Look nobody can make anyone give up a seat for them. But there is no way as an adult I am ever going to offer a seat to any child 7 up, or a child who can sit on a parents knee.

SingaSong12 · 25/01/2017 17:56

Should be "when their child"

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/01/2017 18:01

This is a regular thread on here...

TheCustomaryMethod · 25/01/2017 18:03

user1484766714

I'd imagine the ability to stand at aged around 5 will vary from child to child, and also on the design of the bus, which is why I said my age-guides weren't definitive and common sense would still need to be applied .

LucklessMonster · 25/01/2017 18:04

Your friend is being ridiculous because her objection is that her daughter is a child and therefore shouldn't have to stand up.

But I also thing it's very wrong to single out any one person and tell them to stand. If your friend was angry because her daughter needed a seat and was embarrassed, that would be valid.

sashh · 25/01/2017 18:05

I genuinely don't understand why people think a child should give their seat up for an adult. Why didn't the woman give her own seat up for the elderly gent?

Because they pay half fare on the understanding they only get a seat if no adult is standing.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 25/01/2017 18:06

I am sat on the tube next to a real life 4 year old ! He is quite sweet actually and thanks to god no Ill , pregnant or Elderly folk

Thanks to god

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 25/01/2017 18:07

In London they are FREE !!

TheCustomaryMethod · 25/01/2017 18:07

Why didn't the woman give her own seat up for the elderly gent?

Because she was standing up too, according to the OP.

TheFairyCaravan · 25/01/2017 18:09

DS1 was on a bus going from the resort to the ski slopes last year. He said it was really, really windy and there were some little children who were standing and struggling to stay upright. He and his friend got up and he told the parents the seats were for the children, but the parents promptly parked their arses in them and DS1 and his mate spent the rest of the journey holding the kids up!

FrancisCrawford · 25/01/2017 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 25/01/2017 18:14

Of course a child should stand for someone who needs a seat. Because that's how manners work.

Mamagin · 25/01/2017 18:17

Exactly what Pranma said.
Yes, anyone on the bus who didn't offer a seat to someone who looked more in need of it than they did was badly brought up.
I am 62, and still feel twitchy sitting down when an adult is standing, due to the fact that it was drilled into me as a child that I should stand for an adult .. and sometimes forget that I am

CripsSandwiches · 25/01/2017 18:24

Surely it should be based solely on ability to stand: I would put my DS 4 on my lap to free up an extra seat but I wouldn't give up a seat for him in preference to an able bodied adult who can stand more easily without being thrown around on the bus and will get less tired.

After a certain age kids can stand more easily than adults but honestly since I have no disability I wouldn't expect a child to give up their seat for me.

eddiemairswife · 25/01/2017 18:25

As a 5 year old I was going to and fro to school on the bus (in SE London). I never had any problem keeping my balance, and you were expected to offer your seat to any standing adult woman irrespective of age.

diddl · 25/01/2017 18:26

'Why didn't she ask another adult?' Well, sorry, but why does it matter? "

Because she thought that the child was more likely to just get up?

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