To wonder why domestic violence is seen as a womans issue and abused men are often ignored

[IHaveArrivedAtABadTime]

Not trying to start an argument, am just curious that's all.

40% of domestic violence victims are men yet male victims seemed to be ignored a lot of the time.

Women have shelters and refuges but there seems to be little in place to help abused men. I've just googled help for male dv victims in my city and there's nothing

AIBU to think there should be more help for male victims and we should be working on removing the stigma attached to being a male victim?

Data from Home Office statistical bulletins and the British Crime Survey show that men made up about 40% of domestic violence victims each year between 2004-05 and 2008-09, the last year for which figures are available. In 2006-07 men made up 43.4% of all those who had suffered partner abuse in the previous year, which rose to 45.5% in 2007-08 but fell to 37.7% in 2008-09.

It has already been pointed out several times already on this thread but I will do it again as you've obviously missed it; those stats are skewed:
-they don't include sexual offences
-they don't make the distinction between genuine victims of abuse and "victims" who have been perpetrators.
-they don't make the distinction between one off incidents and those in long term abusive relationships.

This time last year the Office National Statistics reported that 40% of domestic violence victims were male and 60% were female. However they didn't include sexual offences (see above).

The most recent report from the ONS does include sexual offences in their abuse stats and lo and behold the number of male victims has dropped to 30% and the number of female victims has risen to 70%.

Now all they need to do is get rid of the cap the ONS put on their offence reporting and start recording how many "victims" have been perpetrators (though I have less hope for that one) and I guarantee you the number of male victims recorded in the official stats would plummet even further.

auntyhiro Are you trying to fast path the thread to godwination or just being gratuitous?

the '40%' study has been debunked innumerable times, along with all the other stats regularly trotted out which exclude rape and sexual assault but include a woman responding in self defence as a physical or verbal assault on the man.

Yes the treatment described of a male victim is disgusting and men may fear humiliation if they report assault. Women fear murder and family annihilation. This same press routinely dismisses the assaults on women, often on the same page as objectifying them. They talk about 'what a great bloke' the annihilator was without even giving the victims a name.
On any one day count the stories objectifying women's bodies whilst minimising assaults on women then count the number of equally negative treatments of men. And who owns and profits from the press doing this? It isn't women.

The root cause of most of the serious violence against men (domestic or otherwise) is the same as against women - its other men.

Campaign for programmes of counseling for young men; for learning better ways of communication and a sense of identity other than through violence; to combat the 'jack the lad, shag 'em and leave' mentality; to understand consent and mutually respecting relationships; to address the double standards applied to young men and women for matching behaviours and many many more possibilities. You will likely find yourself on the same side as many of the posters here with whom you are currently in disagreement.

Sex is still a hierarchy and it isn't women who hold the power in that hierarchy.

Fair enough. I remember hearing it in a TV interview with Erin Pizzey. I was surprised when she said it to be honest, so had to look it up. Either way women bare the disproportionate brunt of domestic violence and funding should reflect this fact.

The thing that annoys me is that so often those who bleat on about the menz aren't really concerned about male victims, they are really just enjoying minimising female experiences.

What absolute drivel.
There are many people out there who believe that every person should be treated with respect, and that 'Human Rights' - wherever you read them - apply to all People

Excellent post from Auntyhiro at 21:30 -
wow, no wonder men don't want to report.

We have supposed domestic violence workers in here that are biased against them from the start and people who simply will not accept statistics they dont like or try and veer the conversation off in another direction.

Who said human rights don't apply to everyone exactly?

But Bibblewanda was speaking from her own personal experience of working in domestic violence BackforGood.

It just so happens that in her time of working in that area she has only ever come across three genuine male victims.

It just so happens that in her time working in domestic violence she has come across many more men who have pretended to be victims of domestic violence when in fact they were the perpetrators than she has come across genuine male victims.

Did you miss the part where she talked about the men she has come across who claimed to be victims of abuse at the hands of their female partner but then they went on to murder said female partners? Did you miss the post where she talked about the man who sobbed on her shoulder over the abuse from his partner only for said partner to then record him abusing her?

Not once has Bibblewanda claimed that all men claiming to be victims are really perpetrators. I get the impression that she would treat any man claiming he was in an abusive relationship seriously and would support him. It just happens that in a lot of those cases the 'victim' turned out to be the abuser.

What absolute drivel. There are many people out there who believe that every person should be treated with respect, and that 'Human Rights' - wherever you read them - apply to all People

In that case BackforGood why don't these people actually do something to help male victims? Why don't they start campaigning for awareness, spreading awareness and campaigning for funding in order to get more help?

IME none of them ever do. They just yell "sexist!" and "but what about the men!" every time women try to help each other.

That's where the skepticism comes from. If these people really did care about male victims they would be spreading awareness whenever they could but IME they don't. They only ever suddenly seem to care when women are trying to help each other.

user1484317265:

The study was, and is, being carried out by the National Centers for Disease control and prevention. It is a constantly ongoing survey that is apparently the most current and comprehensive of its kind. Using your list of criteria I can't see why the results should be dismissed.

I find it extremely difficult to believe that you have only ever come across three genuine male victims Bibblewanda

Are you sure you aren't blinded by your own prejudices and labeling genuine victims as abusers?

Why would all these perpetrators go to the trouble of pretending to be victims and everything that goes along with being a male victim - stigma, shame, etc?

Wow, quite opinionated for someone who's never thought about this subject until they started a thread about it today.

Wow, quite opinionated for someone who's never thought about this subject until they started a thread about it today.

What's the "bad time" OP?

My NN is a reference to the fact that when I joined Mumsnet I was going through a bad time.

Because as PPs have said, the number of male victims is inflated because of false reports filed by abusers. It's a well known tactic. Also because men who actually are victims of abuse are far less likely to ask for help or use the services available to them.
Thirdly as well as women being more likely to be abused, they are also far more likely to be killed or suffer a severe injury as a result of domestic violence

So I arrived at a bad time...

There's nothing more sinister to it than that.

Fair enough.

Why would all these perpetrators go to the trouble of pretending to be victims and everything that goes along with being a male victim - stigma, shame, etc?

Good god. Where to start. Sympathy & the enjoyment of everyone thinking the woman is the crazy one for a start.

Think about it. These men get off on power. Turning your abuse round so everyone thinks you are the victim gives you the ultimate power.

Do you really think that all the men who came to me claiming victimhood were actual victims? Even when that was patently proven, by physical evidence (and in no small part by murdered women), that their claims were wholly untrue?

I wish to god I was prejudiced. Unfortunately I am giving you an accurate reflection of my experiences.

I have a son and a husband I love, I am not a "man hater".

I am a victim of dv in the past and whilst i think that the figure for men may not be that high, we should not underestimate dv against men.

My dv was coercive control ( mind games) and was jyst as damaging as physical violence. In fact it led to be being physically ill anyway.
My lovely dp is STILL being manipulated by his ex ( kids involved) and that psychological pressure takes its toll physically.
Everyone should be protected.

My dv was coercive control ( mind games) and was jyst as damaging as physical violence. In fact it led to be being physically ill anyway.

No that's domestic abuse.

Domestic violence involves violence.

And I'm not sure you're qualified or entitled to blithely say that coercive control is "more damaging" than violence.

Both are very traumatising and unpleasant, in different ways.

Out of interest bibbel

Do you normally treat people based on the actions of others? Or do you to prefer to treat them as a whole based on their race?

I work in dva support for women... and the amount of male perps that used to go there to "get advice" claiming to be the victim was staggering. (Any woman who has either been through dva or works in the field long enough develops a sort of radar I swear! )

What's the difference between 'radar' and bigotry?

This is my main problem with Men's Rights Activists...they bitch and whine (ime) about "what about the male victims"

Interesting that you had what some could call a compassionate job!

Certainly men complaining of a domestic abuse shouldn't be laughed at. However, what does that have to do with women?

I'm grateful that I didn't raise my sons to have a similar feeling to that and many posters on this thread.

So many people post here with phrases like "DS or DH are proudly feminists" which is fine if that's your thing, but what would you think if a man said "women complaining about domestic abuse shouldn't be laughed at. However, what does that have to do with men."

Just to refute the tired reply before it comes, men aren't domestic abusers. Domestic abusers are domestic abusers.

This is going back to the first page of the thread but bibblewanda's post telling someone who was upset by the lack of services for male victims of domestic violence

Off you pop and set one up then

really upset me.

Imagine bibblewanda was a man saying that to a woman concerned about the lack of refuges! Gah!

Coercive control is most effective when it's part of a pattern of behaviour intended to break down and terrorise the victim over time including emotional abuse and at least the threat of physical violence to keep them in line.

This situation is far more common with a male perpetrator and female victim. So yes, we need to support all victims, but different types of support are needed. It is a gendered issue.

Fwiw my experience (police officer) doesn't suggest that the 40% stat is true (though of course my experience is limited).

That doesn't mean it's not a real and serious problem though.

And no one is saying that it should be women's/feminists' problem to sort out. Just, you know, something for civilised society to take seriously.