To wonder why domestic violence is seen as a womans issue and abused men are often ignored

[IHaveArrivedAtABadTime]

Not trying to start an argument, am just curious that's all.

40% of domestic violence victims are men yet male victims seemed to be ignored a lot of the time.

Women have shelters and refuges but there seems to be little in place to help abused men. I've just googled help for male dv victims in my city and there's nothing

AIBU to think there should be more help for male victims and we should be working on removing the stigma attached to being a male victim?

Suicides are a separate issue to the OP's question on domestic violence.
More young men commit suicide and I wish the MRA and their supporters would stop trying to take away facilities & services for women.
Instead campaign for more counselling services for men.
You'd find most women would join that campaign. We don't have to start it though

Men in my experience often shut down, don't like to report because they believed no one would believe them, or thought they'd be mocked for not defending themselves

And like I said before; women don't tend to report their abuser because they fear being killed.

So fearing being mocked vs fear of being killed...remind me again why people conclude that it's the former that is the one least likely to report?

women don't tend to report their abuser because they fear being killed.

Completely agree. My ex was extremely violent.

We split up two years ago and I'm now married (to lovely non violent DH)

I still believe I'm going to be one of those two women a week killed by a partner or ex.

I'm still scared he's going to murder me.

Putting statistics aside which will never be accurate and more reflective, anyone one who suffers from domestics violence needs support, men are just as unlikely to report their female or male partners for abuse.

Less men die, or that's ok then.. no men or women should die, how many men are lying?!? Really! They should campaign themselves, all very sad reading it's like going back to where woman started and the obstacles they faced in the 50's. Not believed, not considered important, they should be able to defend themselves, seriously, the nature of domestic violence is usually about control, regardless of physical stature.

Men in my experience often shut down, don't like to report because they believed no one would believe them, or thought they'd be mocked for not defending themselves, many knew in most Court cases the children stayed with the mother so stayed to try and keep the family together. See a pattern here, inline with some of the comments here.. all comments from cases I dealt with, one man threw himself under a bus and another out of a window. One survived. Male suicides are common in domestic violence because they feel less of a man. And often the two are not connected.

Statistics forget the stories and real life situations and trivialise those who don't fit it.

Oh and I tried to kill myself partly to get away from him. I thought that was a better idea then reporting him.

UnbornMortificado

men are just as unlikely to report their female or male partners for abuse.

No they aren't.

Yes Gin we heard you the first time, at 8.41.

As others have said, I agree that men and women are equally afraid of resporting but my professional experience is that the reasons sometimes differ. That said, some of the reasons are the same e.g. I've heard of both woman and men saying "yes but if I didn't wind him/her up" or "if I was a better husband/wife".

wow, no wonder men don't want to report.

We have supposed domestic violence workers in here that are biased against them from the start and people who simply will not accept statistics they dont like or try and veer the conversation off in another direction.

Who cares what other people do? Would you see your son refused services because of what another man had done? Would you see black people excluded from services due to the actions of other black people?

Where has anyone said anything about denying services?

only 5% of domestic violence incidents were perpetrated by women in heterosexual relationships

Men suffer from domestic violence at the hands, largely, of their male partners, as well as, infrequently but yes it does happen from their female partners.

Men have the resources to support male victims of domestic violence - but do they have the will or the interest? No. So that's their problem then, frankly.

We have supposed domestic violence workers in here that are biased against them from the start

I assume that's me you're talking to.

I have seen about three genuine male victims in over 7 years of DV work. I once saw one who put on a very convincing display - sobbing about how he was going to lose his kids, was afraid for his life. Yet his partner recorded him saying she was a mad cunt, he was going to take the kids away from her, she was so worthless she might as well just kill herself.

I'd love to tell you that was a one off but I have a similar tale of life nearly - nearly - every male "victim" I ever came across.

No one's refusing anyone services, but if men truly suffer domestic violence to the extent some here seem to think they do they can go ahead and set up refuges. Why don't they?

Frankly if men suffered DV to the extent women do you can absolutely bet your bottom dollar the standard and range of DV services in this country would be a hell of a lot better, a lot more funded and generally be taken much more seriously.

Unless you work in DV and you have genuinely seen as many male victims come through as female victims you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. None.

Any DA should be taken seriously but 40% is simply not true.

Only three genuine victims Bibble?

Yes Virgin, that I saw.

We're denying the statistics because they are misleading or plain wrong, auntyhiro. Surely you don't want people to be badly informed?

What people don't realise is these men often put on a brilliant show to the outside world too so everyone thinks they're a great guy.

One particularly stays with me. Real salt of the earth type guy. Everyone loves him. Kind, friendly, great with animals and kids. His girlfriend reports him for DV. She's got the bruises to prove it but no one believes her anyway because he's such a lovely man and she's got mental health issues.

Even after he killed her people still said what a lovely guy he was.

It truly beggars belief.

A common tactic of abusive men is to claim that they are the ones being abused. They will go and apply for a restraining order to pre-empt the woman getting one, its a tactic to make her look like the crazy one.

People who work in this area are very familiar with this tactic. But it all goes into those fake stats that are quoted.

''only 5% of domestic violence incidents were perpetrated by women in heterosexual relationships''

Absolute nonsense, even the lowest estimates are way above this.

I volunteer at an ex forces charity. Odd that you have seen so few and I have seen so many?

How exactly can 'they' set up services? Are people labouring under the misapprehension that the sistas did it themselves than than with money from the male dominated government and male dominated councils. Remind me again which gender pays 80% of all taxes?

''Frankly if men suffered DV to the extent women do you can absolutely bet your bottom dollar the standard and range of DV services in this country would be a hell of a lot better,''

You mean like how mens health is prioritised? Oh wait, it is exactly the opposite.

It seems impossible to provide any stats as people are determined to cling to their prejudices and ignore anything they dont like.

If you want to know, really want to know what society thinks of battered men get an accomplice and assault him. Watch as nothing happens, watch as noone assists and they instead laugh/ Watching the many many such experiments

www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_report2010-a.pdf

According to the CDC’s statistics — estimates based on more than 18,000 telephone-survey responses in the United States — roughly 5,365,000 men had been victims of intimate partner physical violence in the previous 12 months, compared with 4,741,000 women. By the study’s definition, physical violence includes slapping, pushing, and shoving.

More severe threats like being beaten, burned, choked, kicked, slammed with a heavy object, or hit with a fist were also tracked. Roughly 40 percent of the victims of severe physical violence were men. The CDC repeated the survey in 2011, the results of which were published in 2014, and found almost identical numbers — with the percentage of male severe physical violence victims slightly rising.

“Reports are also showing a decline of the number of women and an increase in the number of men reporting”

Straus, Murray A. (June 2010). "Thirty years of denying the evidence on gender symmetry in partner violence: implications for prevention and treatment". Partner Abuse. Springer. 1 (3): 332–362. doi:10.1891/1946-6560.1.3.332. Pdf.

Cercone, Jennifer, J.; Beach, Steven, R. H.; Arias, Ileana (2005). "Gender Symmetry in Dating Intimate Partner Violence: Does Similar Behavior Imply Similar Constructs?". Violence and Victims. Springer. 20 (2): 207–218. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.2005.20.2.207.

pb.rcpsych.org/content/35/1/33.1

venus

How do you know they are wrong?

what research have you undertaken?

How exactly can 'they' set up services?

By raising awareness and campaigning for funding.

You know, just like what women had to do...and continue to do.

You mean like how mens health is prioritised? Oh wait, it is exactly the opposite.

Hahahahaha.

I know because I know they have counted the incidents in such a way as to skew the figures. RTFT.

You can't argue with an MRA as mainly they just want women to be happy they get the vote and are allowed to work.