Honestly do you judge teen mothers?

[Willialwaysbelookeddownon]

I had my first son a month before I turned 17, and despite really trying at mum and baby groups I was always shut out of conversations and never taken seriously. I was lucky that I wasn't dropped by any of my friends but they never had children of their own and I was quite often isolated.
I am now engaged, pursued the career I wanted and have another DS.
A girl on our road is pregnant at 16 and my heart very much goes out to her. She's seem so very lonely.
So my question is, do you judge young mums? Would you be less inclined to speak to a mum at a mother/baby group because they were say 16?

I think newbrummie was put off that one person because of the company she kept, not all teenagers.

Surely you can give support/help/offer to phone the police etc whilst also thinking 'I'm probably not going to form a close friendship with this person'.

Quite Morris

I find it strange that so many of you who've said you wouldn't try and make friends with teenage parents as you'd not have anything in common with them.

I was pregnant with my first at 19 (but gave birth when I was 20) I'm now 26 and have two children and married to their dad. I look very young for my age; about 16/17. I get asked for Id everywhere I go and asked if my mum or dad is home when someone knocks on the door.

Anyway, most of my friends are in their 30s and 40s because I met them through DCs school. My mum had me when she was 18 and so some of my friends are older than her. I went shopping with my 41 year old friend today and my 45 year old friend is taking my kids to school for me tomorrow as I often do the same for her. We have loads in common as we both have kids, husbands and bills to pay ect. On the other end of the scale, I work with a 16 year old girl and we have such a laugh together, even though she's 10 years younger than me and we absolutely nothing in common.

I often plan night out for the mums in DDs class and they are all (apart from one) at least 8 years older. There is even a 65 year old dad who I get on well with.

But anyway to answer your question op, I don't judge teenage/young parents.

And if that person had been a professional in her 30s who was middle class and had a nice car, who's husband turned up to kick the shit out of her, would she have been "judged for the company she kept" or viewed as a victim of violence and offered support?

SaorAlbaGuBrath but it wasn't it was one of her mates and when the police were offered at the first mention of it we were told they weren't required

I don't think blaming parents is fair at all. My parents had absolutely nothing to do with my life choices

I would respectfully disagree.

MarmiteDoesYouGood Do you have teenagers yet ?

My point is newbrummie is that you did judge her because of her age. Victims of violence don't invite it, whether they're a teenage mum or an older mum. I bet your attitude would have been different if the situation was the one I suggested.

marmite what should parents do to ensure their precious child doesn't fall pregnant/impregnate whilst still a teenager?

Do you have teenagers yet?

Nope, but I was one once.

SaorAlbaGuBrath no we judged because of the lucruacy of being chased around town and not doing anything about it. It was as I said like something out of Grange Hill being lived by somebody who was a mother.

Marmite my parents are very middle class, I had a "good" upbringing, my dad has an important job in the community and my parents are very well thought of. I had lots of opportunities and was expected to go on to uni and all the rest of it. Didn't stop me getting knocked up at 19, fairly sure it had nothing to do with my parents.

Gosh I was 35 when I was left out at toddler groups so I wouldn't take it personally. Some can be cliquey-er than others.

Women experience an average of 35 incidents of domestic violence before reporting an incident to the police (Yearnshaw 1997, accessed at safer.sthelens.gov.uk/SITEMANV2/publications/40/0901316LeafletsforDVVictims_3.pdf)

It's not always as simple as "doing nothing about it"

what should parents do to ensure their precious child doesn't fall pregnant/impregnate whilst still a teenager?

That's quite a complex question which would require a pretty complex response (which I'm too lazy to go into on here). In my opinion, "My parents had absolutely nothing to do with my life choices" is almost never a true statement.

I'd say most of us on here could have got pregnant from 16 onwards. It's what happens next that judgement is made on.

I know the thread has progressed but as an adult in a classroom environment I see 3 kids in year 1 whose parents are only just 20/21.
One is every stereotype - child has cool clothes funky hair cut but is knackered because mum has lots of friends round most nights they are disorganised and school is only happening because social services are guiding them

The other two are the most diligent children in the class. The parents determined to make a success for their children. Well balanced well cared for and delightful children and parents.

I think they are as varied as parents of any other age.

SaorAlbaGuBrath

So your parents had zero input into the young woman you became, into who you were and who you are? They didn't shape you in any way whatsoever?

Who are you to judge

SaorAlbaGuBrath for all I know she could have been the local drug dealer, we could speculate all day long

No absolutely not. I became an aunt at 17 and again 14 months after, I can still remember the huffs, glares and sometimes actual bitchy comments I would get when I was out with a tantrumming toddler and a baby in a sling. People were so quick to judge.

I think there is always common ground somewhere between parents to find a friendly conversation.

marmite no, ofcourse your upbringing shapes you. But they could not have stopped me having sex. They could not have stopped my boyfriend removing the condom without my knowledge.
So once I was pregnant and decided 100% I was keeping this baby - bare in mind I found out I was 18 weeks and that it was a boy (whole another story) at the dating scan I needed BEFORE an abortion, what should they have done then? Bribed me to have a late abortion? Believe me my mum tried all sorts of tactics and in the end she had to realise that had she carried on that way she was going to lose me too.

So your parents had zero input into the young woman you became, into who you were and who you are? They didn't shape you in any way whatsoever?

What a ridiculous question, about as ridiculous as judging them because a condom split.

I reckon the vast majority of teenagers play fast and loose with contraception at least once, so in my view teen mums are the only the teenagers who got "caught out" or didn't have a termination (never talked about).

So I would and have never judged anyone for being a young parent.

Being a crap parent- yes - but not a young parent.

Who are you to judge

Well bloody said!