Honestly do you judge teen mothers?

[Willialwaysbelookeddownon]

I had my first son a month before I turned 17, and despite really trying at mum and baby groups I was always shut out of conversations and never taken seriously. I was lucky that I wasn't dropped by any of my friends but they never had children of their own and I was quite often isolated.
I am now engaged, pursued the career I wanted and have another DS.
A girl on our road is pregnant at 16 and my heart very much goes out to her. She's seem so very lonely.
So my question is, do you judge young mums? Would you be less inclined to speak to a mum at a mother/baby group because they were say 16?

I'd have been less inclined to judge and more inclined to help her access support services and get her and her baby out of a terrible situation, personally. Judging a victim of violence is a bit

Very interesting thread. My knee-jerk reaction was, "of course I wouldn't judge." Having read some of the later comments, however, I must admit that I, too, am right-on about teen parenthood until it comes to the notion of one of my own children being a teen parent - and then yes, I confess that I'd be very disappointed (although not devastated). Kind of on this topic OP - what strikes me is that you were keen to demonstrate your engaged status and career success in your first post, thus distancing yourself from the stereotypical feckless benefit-relient and single young mums. So in a way, you're being a little judgemental too. I'm not attacking you, just pointing out that we are all a bit like that at times.

I would never judge any age, I was a teen mum.

Seeing someone comment that they would judge as they don't think young mums have the life experience to make good parenting decisions, geez peace!! Absolute nonsense!!

SaorAlbaGuBrath. We didn't stand there clutching our pearls whilst she got the shit kicked out of her. She wasn't a victim of violence on that particular occasion as the bugaboo brigade stepped in ..., but bloody hell, it's not the norm is it

stereotypes and assumptions
Yes exactly!
I was 18 when I had dd but still went to uni got a degree and now have my own business which is doing nicely.
Dd is now 18 herself and working hard for her a levels, I wouldn't be without her and have no regrets so no I wouldn't judge anyone because we are all individuals.

not all young mothers are on benefits ha!! So stereotypical!! Yawn!!

No, it's not the norm thank fuck. But it makes me sad that she endured all that and was still judged.

distancing yourself from the stereotypical feckless benefit-relient and single young mums

That's a very good point, this is a major problem too - it feeds into the "you're not like MOST young mums" narrative, which further harms the confidence of young mums from poorer socio-economic backgrounds with fewer academic prospects.

I was a mum at 17. I always considered myself reasonably intelligent but believed my bf when he assured me I wouldn't get pregnant. I had had sex twice. My DM was mortified and 'deeply disappointed'.

I spent a month in hospital before he was born and he was 2 months prem. The hospital staff insisted on calling me Mrs 'surname' and never referred to me by my first name.
DS is now in his 30's. I have a grandchild who is 14.

I didn't notice if I was being judged or any odd looks, but I didn't have time to worry about that, or to attend mother and baby groups. DS went to nursery from 3 months old as I had to work. I owned my home at 20. I have gone onto have a successful career and ds has turned out a great person.
It was very hard at times but it was worth it.

I have to say that I cautioned my DS against being a young parent and if I had a DD, I wouldn't want her to be a young parent. Simply because I know how difficult it can be.

I think perhaps it was thought that the young mother at the nct group had a fighty group of friends, not that a stranger had randomly threatened her with violence.

Same as a pp I tend to take them under my wing.
I was 16 when I had DS and then 31 when I had my last child. But I never looked especially young so I don't feel like people judged me too much.
I feel sad for them, looking back - God I was a baby. So lost and slightly terrified.
I remember I wouldn't go to any baby groups because I was too nervous to go on my own. Nowadays, I'll walk into any room and just start chatting. Usually to the mums that look a bit lonely and anxious. maybe I scare them even more with my excessive smileyness
I was a bit judgey in my 20's for a while, no idea why, but I gave my head a shake and now I try and go by the mantra that everyone you meet is fighting a battle you don't know about - so be kind always.

TreeTop I pointed out those things to sort of show that I'm not the stereotype (now) but even at the time I did not deserve the treatment I sometimes received.
When I had DS1 (yes I was working and in education) but I was still in receipt of benefit, single, was made homeless, etc.
I didn't meet my DP until DS1 was a year old, I didn't get into proper paid work until DS1 was nearly 2, etc.
There was so much more to me than a knocked up teenager. People didn't want to give me a chance however, perhaps also because I was in a very posh area of London also.

I wouldn't have judged, but I can't imagine becoming friends so easily either. I was in my mid-30s at the baby stage, not sure I would have picked a teenager for a friend.

Accidental pregnancy can happen at any age, it happened to loads of my friends and to me in my mid twenties.

I chose to terminate though, as did my friends when it happened to them. None of my business that others choose to continue their unplanned pregnancies, but I'm unlikely to feel a close kinship with them. I'd be polite and friendly but I just can't see much common ground there. Tbf I haven't formed close friendships with any of my ante natal lot, they're all very pleasant people but I didn't massively gel with any of them.

tiggytape it was more a case of being shocked somebody was being chased around town with the threat of violence, of course the first time the subject came up we all advised the police. Just thought it was a bloody odd thing to happen. I know DV happens to women of all ages but they aren't usually persued through the town are they

I think perhaps it was thought that the young mother at the nct group had a fighty group of friends, not that a stranger had randomly threatened her with violence

She was still vulnerable and in need of support. It doesn't make the judging any less shitty.

I judge women of any age that deliberately set out to get pregnant as a lifestyle choice and have no intention of working or supporting themselves.
I don't judge mums who are young, I admire them ! I know I couldn't have done it at 18/21/25 even! 30 was enough of a shock

No, I would never judge a mother based on age. I chatted to teen mums at the baby groups, though I was a good twenty years older than them.

I think it must be very hard though.

It was all a bit "going to get you at lunchtime" .... it was another teen in persuit, bit immature and very strange, the police weren't wanted so we figured there was a backstory....
I'll stop digging now because I don't actually know the ins and outs but that was the one and only teen mum that was in the potential friendship group and it did somewhat put us off.

I was a teen mother. I was judged and looked at in the street and called a slag and told my child would amount to nothing etc etc (and that last pet was by a teacher). His Dad and I have now been together 20 years, have had five other sons, have good jobs and that son who will amount to nothing is at university reading vet science. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than thinking of those small minded arse holes and flipping them a mental bird

I'm the DD of a teen mum. Said teen mum went on to become a highly qualified teacher and deputy head, nationally recognised in her field and a parliamentary candidate

A relative by marriage had her DD at 16, later qualified as a teacher and made it to assistant head. Not quite as stupendous as your mum - but still not bad.

I don't judge. There but for the grace of God (and a split condom).

"Only teen mum that was in the potential friendship group and it did somewhat put us off"

That made you sound like a dick. Because all teenagers who get caught out doing what most teenagers do are the same

On behalf of teen mums, we don't want to be in your friendship group and I am now put off by being friends with people of your age group as you all must be the same...

I should hate to be in a friendship group that is so awful about someone being abused
Shame on you